Trash Bin Triple Feature

[ed.: Boy howdy, has my crack network of dumpster divers been busy this morning -- having located no fewer than three first drafts of recent offerings from The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC and the Columbia Journalism Review.]

THE FLUFFLY PUFFLED JORDAN KERFUFFLET

By One or More Members of the Wall Street Journal Editorial Board

We stand in mildly shocked bemusement at the chest-thumping triumphalism of the blogosphere, engaged in another ritual onanistic victory howl over their latest “scalp” — beloved CNN Executive News Chief Eason Jordan.

As we look over this sordid scene out of Lord of the Flies, we cannot help but wonder whether the entire business of “blogs” has now taken us to a level of media-butchery that is no longer good for society, nor even the Editorial Board community itself. We applauded the blogosphere for its role in toppling Howell Raines and Dan Rather, but Mr. Jordan is another matter altogether.

First, we must note that this puffy blog-baked kerfuffle concerns alleged remarks Mr. Jordan made at a tiny, intimate gathering in Switzerland. These were not meant for public review, and, at our last check, making remarks in Switzerland is still legal under the First Amendment. This strikes us as a gross violation of Mr. Jordan’s right to boldly speak out in public privacy.

Second, the headhunters of the blogosphere have attempted to make much of the fact that Bret Stephens, a brilliant and handsome young member of the WSJ Editorial Board, was on hand, and that We, or rather, Mr. Stevens, was there at the behest of Mr. Jordan, and that this somehow has colored the editorial judgment of We, I mean Mr. Stephens.

We think that this is ludicrous. Mr. Stephens was only one of thousands at the tiny, private WEF conference, so if there is a “conspiracy” it is an odd one at that. We know Mr. Stevens to be a brilliant and insightful thinker, so it is small wonder why Mr. Jordan invited We, I mean Mr. Stephens, to attend, and not to mention that Mr. Stephens is also quite a talented skier.

Mr. Stephens, I mean, We, have all been diminished by the departure of a good man like Mr. Jordan. But the real tragedy of the whole fluffly puffed Davos kerfuffle souffle lies in the how it has exposed the blogs as a pack of ravenous kerfuffle hyenas who would even turn on a brilliant young journalist like we. I mean Bret Stephens. Let Mr. Stephens, I mean us, stop them before it’s too late.

WELCOME TO THE BLOGTAAN DEATH MARCH

By Mike Moran
MSNBC Hardblogger

By now, the blog-fueled fire that consumed Eason Jordan, head of newsgathering at CNN, is old news. His ashen remains have been scattered about the work camps of the occupying Blogger army as a warning to all; goulishly, the bloggers saved the former head of the former head, and mounted it on the wall where its grisly visage acts as a constant reminder of what happens to those who run afoul of the “Blogosphere's” nasty annointed Taliban.

Atop his silent pike he stares, flanked by the fly-swarmed skulls of Howell Raines and Dan Rather, two other innocents caught up in the blogs' insatiable bloodlust.  While it remains unclear if Jordan bravely refused a blindfold and final cigarette before he was summarily shot by his blog-captors, dumped into an unmarked grave, exhumed, decapitated, and finally burned,  what is clear is that CNN is a lesser place without him, and we will likely see fewer high-quality political debates, like this one.

And "what" of his “crime?” With all the interest in “truth” shown by "the" Gang of Four, "or" contestants on "To Tell The Truth," unabashedly partisan bloggers strapped on the genital electrodes after Jordan supposedly made an innocent controversial (but hardly blasphemous) statement at an off-the-record journalism panel. He allegedly (that's a word that we used in journalism to imply that we're not so damned sure of everything, and also, we professional journalists use italicized parenthetical words to let you know we are using damned hard-hitting sarcasm) asserted during the Davos panel that the American military had deliberately targeted journalists during the Iraq war.

Sure, that probably sounds outrageous to the public. "Ooooh, give us Barabas!" chants the mob. Little do these nitwits know that there are unresolved questions surrounding the precision bombing of al-Jazeera's offices during the war, and the outrageous jailing of famed journalist Baghdad Bob.

Jordan clarified his remarks afterward. He was wrong, frankly, to use the word deliberate – if, in fact, he did use that word, or if in fact he he clarified his alleged remarks, and whether it was wrong, and possibly whether I am being frank. For what is "truth," really? And this is my point.

But should Eason Jordan lose his job for this? Was it wise for CNN to provide the enemies of free expression, critical thinking and The First Amendment with a victory on this count? Are they so lost as a network that they abandon basic principles? Who is next to march into the Blogistani mullahs' ovens?  How will this affect the co-pay on my MSNBC employee health plan? These are questions, and hey, I'm just asking.

It took a blogcamp survivor, former CNN chieftain Walter Isaacson, to put in words what many of us in the real professional journalist blog community are thinking:

"It is ironic that he was taken out by chair-bound computer bloggers. Shouldn't these people be watching CNN in their living rooms? I mean, it seems that the sofa is more comfortable than an office chair."

Where have you gone, Marv Throneberry?

BLOGS SUCK

By Steve Lovelady
Managing Editor, Columbia Journalism Review Daily

Salivating morons
Who make up the lynch mob prevail
Slobbering pajamadeen retards hacking at keyboards of hate
Gnawing on ravenous for disembodied trophies
Lilliputian cannibals
Feasting on the gristled bones of giants
like Raines and Rather and Jordan.

Oh Jordan, like the River
You dared flow through the deeper truth
Of reporters killed by Jarhead assassins
Allegedly
Where is Jimmy Stewart?
Where is Mary Mapes?
Ask not for whom the frequency hums, Kenneth
It hums for thee.

Oh Jordan
For this you were crowned with bloggy thorns
And crucified by idiots who know not of reporting
Or CNN expense reports
Or J-school seminars
Who slobbering poke at your wounds

Eason Wept

Comments

[6Gun]

Read 'Blogs Suck' in a Bill Shatner voice. Aloud.

Suddenly, everything makes sense.

[Dave L]

Do I have permission to deconstruct the "Blogs Suck" poem?

[Miles]

Umm... that was supposed to be 'MSM'

.. Sorry, Bill.

[miles]

If I may...

A curse shall light upon the limbs of MSN;
Editorial fury and fierce op-ed strife
Shall cumber all the parts of the media;
Research and Documentation shall be so in use,
And trackbacks so familiar,
That editors shall but smile when they behold
Their newspapers quarter'd with the hands of the pajama-clad;
All pity choked with custom of fell posts,
And Hinderaker’s spirit ranging for revenge,
With Captain Ed by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a sane voice
Cry "Bulls**t!" and let slip the blogs of war,
That these false columns shall smell above the earth
With carrion lies, groaning for burial.

[WagonsR Circled]

THE FLUFFLY PUFFLED JORDAN KERFUFFLET

Somebody, anybody tell me if this is the clearest MSM statement on Rathergate?

http://www.opinionjournal.com/editorial/feature.html?id=110006289

"But Easongate is not Rathergate. Mr. Rather and his CBS team perpetrated a fraud during a prime-time news broadcast; stood by it as it became obvious that the key document upon which their story was based was a forgery, and accused the whistleblowers of the very partisanship they themselves were guilty of. Mr. Rather still hasn't really apologized."

Now I'll wait for the next "Big Blog Blast" so I can read the true MSM statement about Eason Jordon.

[Wacky Hermit]

I call upon Iowahawk to submit "Blogs Suck" to the poetry contest!

[David St Lawrence]

Lay on, Macduff,
And damn'd be him that first cries, “Hold, enough!”

Mercy! Now I have to stop and mop coffee off my keyboard.

[EagleSpeak]

Even the reply to the first comment was the cause of laughter and rejoicing throughout the land.

Fear not the shark.

[Matt in Denver]

We enjoyed your Wall Street Journal piece on so many levels that we laughed and coffee came out of our noses all over our keyboards.

We were also sorry to see that you jumped the shark with a "first" post. Tomorrow you'll be Fark.

[George at Snapshot]

It hums for thee.

Priceless.

But hasn't jumping the shark itselfjumped the shark?

[John from WuzzaDem]

"if, in fact, he did use that word, or if in fact he he clarified his alleged remarks, and whether it was wrong, and possibly whether I am being frank"

He's obviously been spooked by what happened to Jordan, and wants to leave no doubt as to exactly what he's trying to say.

[A.R.Yngve]

Wait... what if this is all a clever ruse? What if Eason Jordan had the damning evidence all the time, but is stalling for maximum impact?

I wait... with baited breath and pounding heart... for the scoop of the century to hit the newsstands. It could happen in the next hour... or tomorrow... or next year.

Don't torture us like this, Mr. Jordan. Give us the scoop! We can handle the truth! Honestly!

-A.R.Yngve
http://yngve.bravehost.com

[spongeworthy]

The MSM won't be sufficiently cowed until they stop assigning editorials with such flagrant conflicts. Who's to say this "Bret Stephens", if he even exists, oughtn't be next? If I'm reading him correctly, he seems to be asking for it, no?

I'm Googling "bret stephens ass bandit for hire" right away!

[iowahawk]

It's also the first time somebody called "First" here.

I think the first "First" is the first warning sign of a blog about to jump the shark.

[Mongo]

First.

Eason eased on down the road.