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God that was boring.


i surely hope no one figures out a way to freeze the blog and fly it to the north pole.

wait! no problem! support global warming.

you da man, ih

A. Nonymous

Pumping ethyl, nothin'. If you ask me, Biff is manning the self-service pumps tonight.


Now I know why the word "blog" (versus some other formulation) was invented. I always wondered, but now the deeper purpose has been revealed. It was in anticipation of this day. It's too perfect.

just sayin'

Mr. Iowahawk,

I dunno bout you, but I hea folks is mighty worried bou't Michele flaunt'n that steamy new masthead o' hers round town. A girl like that git in trouble quicker 'n a Ford with stuck check valve.


I've taken the liberty of interpreting this as an audio recording, a la "My Teleprompter Is Deadly"...

GREAT scripts, Iowahawk!


Hell, I may have to buy that coffee mug now, keep on truckin Hawk!

Anselmo Cardinal Trentino

You put the peddle to the medal, Mr. Burge. Brilliant stuff. Congrats.

I can't believe his name is really Eason Jordan. It sounds so...made up.


Great sendup. Whit Bissel's portrayal of the transvestite NGO advisor was Academy All The Way.

Write Winger

I think instead of "electric overdrive" you meant "überthruster".

Nice piece! I enjoyed looking under the hood and taking a gander at the pipes. I'm totally exhausted from laughing so hard. You'll get a lot of mileage out of this one.

Curtis the Marine

Golly, Mr. iowahawk, that was sure swell.

Reminded me of the old childhood joke(?): "I saw you out behind the gas station pumping ethyl."


I was really hoping this was over

Protean Wisdom

"... his key coaxed Betsy's powerful ported 8BA flathead to life."

You and Jeff Goldstein, man, funniest bloggers on the net.

Just had a thought: this story would work better with a Theramin ooweeeoo-ing in the background.


With all due respect to Scott Ott and Frank J., and their friendly feud, you, iowahawk, are officially the funniest person in the blogosphere.


That was great. Just hilarious. You are definitely the man. "....I had her wide open, screaming, all the way up to Westville Pass."

Can you say that on the Internet?

Going back now to click on all your sponsors.


A finely crafted work of art.


Yikes! Thanks for reminding me! I checked out one of Hudson's books 'Ana and Jessica and the Tunnels of Uranus,' a couple of weeks back and by golly, I bet it *is* overdue!


Just talked to Biff. He got smoked by Chip's '40, so he swapped out Betsy's drivetrain. He ditched the Flattie for a 324 Olds Rocket, and has a '39 Toploader instead of the OD. And now Betsy's banjo rear end is a now a hallibrand QC.

"...breathing in the intoxicating scent of Darla's perfume as he furiously pumped the super ethyl."

You slay me.

Son of a Pig and a Monkey

Oh, that overdrive


Who played Darla? Mamie Van Doren, natch...


Ummm .... who played Darla? She hit me like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist.

random m

Reading your stuff is dangerous at work. Thanks for the hilarity!

Silicon Valley Jim

Great work. As it happens, KCBS is, in fact, the San Francisco CBS affiliate. All "news", except for a few highlights like the two weekday telephone calls with John Madden.

Joe L.

Oh the terror, the pure unaccredited terror!


Yeah, this would be perfect for the drive-in of old. As "son of a..." noted, that bit about overdrive was a stumble, as it's simple a very high gear. But hilarious and so to the point.


Pheh... perhaps you have never heard of Biff's super space-powered hydrodyno overdrive!

Son of a Pig and a Monkey

A nit...ordinarily, engaging overdrive would not cause acceleration, but a drop in engine rpms while maintaining speed

Man of Substance

A well-crafted tale of adventure... I got a little woody just reading it.



Actually, the foreign guy was using an "EU" accent.


By Saturn's Satellites, thank goodness such a thing can't happen HERE. Or can it?


"some sort of pure unedited energy"




Al in Louisville

Uh, I think that was a German accent.

Excellent post!


Few things in life carry the inherent hilarity of typed-out French accents.


Ah....the world's first "made for MST3K" film...

David St Lawrence

Uhmmm, didn't I see this on late night TV on the Sci-Fi channel? The names are so familiar...

I could swear it was shown in black and white.

A stunning re-creation of a bygone era. *applause*

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