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Herr Morgenholz

Gerald and Paddy were on the lifeboat after their ship sank. They dug around in the survival bag and Gerald found an old lamp. He gave it a big rub and out popped a Genie.

"I'll give you one wish", says the Genie.

Well, poor Paddy must've gotten sun stroke, because without thinking, he blurted out "I want ye to turn all the ocean to Guinness!!"

Poof! The Genie disappeared and there they were, floating on a black, foam flecked ocean of stout.

"Oh, good God, Paddy! What have ye done?", says Gerry. "Now we got to piss in the boat!"

Chris Ar

St. Patrick was NOT Italian. He was a Romanized Brit.


Oh, can't we get away from Obama for one fooking day


Chris, I'd heard you're not drinking any more . . . I heard you're not drinking any less either.

Sorry, old joke I used to use with my alcoholic customers during my bartending days.

mandible claw

Proper link here:

mandible claw

Nothing to do with St. Patrick's Day, but thought I'd point out that Iowahawk is mentioned (and quoted) in a Wall Street Journal editorial today.

Listen to the great satirist who blogs under the name of Iowahawk, writing in the fictional persona of T. Coddington Van Voorhees VII, son of the founder of The National Topsider, which he describe as a "once respected conservative magazine" now controlled by a bunch of "state college neanderthals." etc.

Gary from Jersey

Paddy just moved to New York and was missing his two brothers. So he wanders into a bar and orders three shots.

The bartender says, "That's a lotta drinkin' this early. You OK?"

Paddy says, "I'm missin' me brothers. One's still in Dooblin 'n' the other's in LA. So I'm havin' a nip for each of us."

Drinks them and leaves. He comes back to the bar a couple days later and orders three more. Same thing: drinks and leaves. This goes on for weeks until one day, Paddy ordered two drinks.

The bartender's alarmed, thinking something must have happend to one of the brothers. So he asks Paddy if something's wrong.

Paddy says, "Nah. I quit drinkin'."

Mark flbbn S.

It's over. Time for the wake.

I like New Zealand, myself.

Y-not, proud ginger

In honor of the Health Care vote, I have one famous Irish quote to offer:
"Brace yourself, Bridget!"


I saw the Pogues twice last year, the first time in Atlanta in march, the second in San Diego at the end of October.

They are a most spectacular band, every other member except for Shane is sober and has his shit together. I was afraid that Shane was going to die during both shows, right then, right there.

He's the real fucking deal man, and I don't guess that's a good thing.


Sean goes to give his confession to Father Seamus. "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I been makin' dirty phone calls to the ladies."

"What exactly do you mean, dirty phone calls?," asks Father Seamus.

"Well, I call a lass, then I commence to heavy breathin'," says Sean, sheepishly.

"That's digusting!" proclaims the priest. "You oughtta be ashamed of yourself. As penance, I want you to say three Our Fathers and three Hail Marys, and put three pounds in the poor box on your way out."

"Okay," says Sean. "But Father, all I've got is a fiver."

The priest thinks for a moment, then says, "Put the fiver in the poor box and go make two more phone calls."

Mark flbbn S.

wass wi thu flibbn ted knndy pichur anyweighz? Huh?


Showing teddy kennedy's pic next to a photo of James Joyce..? Sacrilege..! What next, a picture of someone who is physically fit next to a picture of Oliver Willis..? well... okay, that might have some meaning these days, you know, "hey kids! You don't want to look like a cross between the Michelin Tire guy and and a melted oversized chocolate Easter Bunny, do you..?"

Y-not, proud ginger

I'm three-quarters Irish and one-quarter French... and the French is the part I sit on!

Medical Advice

Fantastic and I love being an Irish too!


That green one was just Lake Erie


It's a good thing Whiskey was invented otherwise the Irish would rule the world.


"When Irish Eyes are Smilin"

It's time to call the bomb squad.


I know a guy who's half Irish and half Italian. He doesn't know if he should get drunk or grab his crotch.


Aye, that's actually a pretty good color pic of the Chicago River. I mean, there's green, and there's GREEN.

Endangered O" Mass

Poor Seamus was moping along when he came along Father Flynn...

"Seamus.." the father says, "why the long face?"

Seamus says, "Father me poor dog Patches has gone on to his reward."

The father tell Seemus how sorry he is

Seamus asks the Father, "Do you think you could be saying a blessing for Patches at Mass?"

Father Flynn tells Seamus, " Why I'm sorry for your loss , it wouldn't be appropriate to do so in Mass. Perhaps the Universalist church would do so. They'll bless anything."

Seamus says, "Thank you Father. So do you think a $5,000 donation will be enough for them? "

"Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus! You didn't tell me the dog was Catholic!" proclaimed the Father.

Jersey Jeff

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to drink until the room spins around


Reagan, good Irishman that he was, told this joke while doing a radio warmup:

One day, a gondolier was pushing his boat along while singing: "'O sole mio!"

The sound of his singing drifted up into Heavan, where God heard it. And God wondered, how much does intellect affect singing? What would this man sound like with half his mind? So God reached down and took half the gondolier's mind.

And the gondolier sang, "'O sole.... 'o sole...."

Interesting, thought God. Now what would he sound like with only 25 percent of his original intellect? So God reached down and took half of the gondolier's remaining mind.

And the gondolier sang, "'O so.... 'o so...."

Now, thought God, what would this man sound like with no intellect at all? So God reached down and took the remainder of the man's mind.

And the gondolier sang, "...o... a.... a-When Irish eyes are smiling...."

Thomas Smith

The place would be a ghost town. Not that that would be a bad thing.


Good St. Patrick, hear our need & drive the snakes out of Washington.


Which half?

 Patrick Carroll

As mentioned, St. Patrick was English, as such things might be measured.

He was kidnapped by Irish pirates, sold into slavery, and spent years as a swineherd on Slieve Mish. He finally escaped.

After a bit of R&R back home, he decided he was going to go back to Ireland as a Christian bishop, to f*ck over the heathen Irish bastards who'd treated him so badly.

Hence we have the Irish of today. Driven demented by religion and bad weather, and self-medicating with alcohol.


Free River Dance lessons. Here's how you do it.

First, consume twelve pints of Guiness Stout backed with a shot of Magilligan Irish Whiskey every other pint. Then while standing atop the bar, wager a mate that you can tear off about six feet of toilet paper, shove one end up yer arse, light the other end on fire and then remove the TP without removing your hands from your pockets before you fall off of the bar or the fire extinguishes itself in the only space it now occupies lacking enough oxygen for combustion.

Recreate without the anal fuse and you're River Dancing! Let me know how it turns out.

Brian N

Here's your next shirt, you half Iowish infidel!

Joe Redfield

Two Irishmen walked past a bar,, really, they did.

wHite punk

You heard of the irish queers:

Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald.

LTC John

And now what hae ye done to the Chicago River then?


"All right, Patty, why are you weaving all over the road?"
"Izza damn trees, constable! Theyra lunging out at mee, frum the left and frumma right! Ahm tryna dodge them!"
"Patty, you damn fool, that's the air freashener on your mirror. Pull it down, have another drink and be off with you!"

Cod Liver

Pogue mahone! The name of hundreds of Irish Pubs around the globe.

Q: What's a mile long, has hundreds of legs and an IQ of 60?

A: The St. Paddy's Day parade in Butte, MT

Rich Fader

Actually, if you're really drunk, you should be seeing four Shane McGowans, so you're fine. Have another couple of rounds.

Happy day, Hawk. Like I said at FR, fair and balanced. Double Jamesons, double Bushmills, two pints of Guinness back.


Actually St. Patrick was British, not Italian.

Odgred Weary

Q: What's the definition of an Irish queer? A: He prefers wimmin over drink!

Jenny Hatch

Hey Dave,

Ya furgot the greatest Irish Movie Character of all time...Steven from Braveheart...

From a 1/4th Scots/Irish and proud of it, American Woman...


Here's to getting fully conjugated today: Drink, drank, drunk, comb dried green vomit from my receding hairline.


Or Barack O'Bama

Chairman Chuck

And let us not forget those two celebrated gay Irishmen, Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

Chairman Chuck

What's drunk and lays around by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture.


Saints preserve us! Who knew that when St. Paddy drove the snakes out of Ireland they would all swim to Coralville. Ahh the massive idignity of it all.


Those Riverdance gals are hawt.

Mr. Bingley

Erin go brothel!


There are Irish bars and italian restaurants and that explains everything about the difference between our ethnic groups.

Oh, and Saint Patrick was Italian.

Happy St. Joseph's Day (a few days early)


I must be drunk already - I'm seeing two Shane Macgowans. (Shanes Macgowan?) Incidentally, more recent portraits of Shane are truly ... horrifying. Put them on the mantelpiece and let the weans see what a life of drink will get them

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