You've Got to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Negative

Write a 30 Second Radio Spot to Stop Scott Brown

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, Republicans elected in Massachusetts... mass hysteria!

That's right: if the latest polls are to believed, ultra-evil GOP candidate Scott Brown has drawn within striking distance of Democrat Martha Coakley in the race for the Massachusetts US Senate seat. If -- God forbid -- Brown wins, he will be the first Republican elected in the state since Cotton Mather, and America will soon descend into a post-apocalyptic fundamentalist hellscape of witch trials and cross-burnings, interrupted only by the ritual mass bulldozing of corpses killed by lack of access to affordable health care. Not to mention relaxed federal fuel efficiency standards!

Thankfully, independent concerned citizen groups such as ACORN, SEIU, and Multinational Pharmaceutical Executives for Good Government have stepped into the breach to create issue-oriented, informational media messages to point out Brown's insatiable appetite for toddler blood, his membership in a paramilitary death squad, and his palatial multi-thousand dollar timeshare in Aruba.

It's a good start, but not nearly enough if we are to avoid the galactic dystopian wasteland that awaits if Brown and his hate radio masters pull off this illegal coup. That's why I've opened up the comments for a limited time so you, the concerned Iowahawk reader, can provide your own 30 second Stop Scott Brown radio ad scripts.

No promises, but I will prevail upon some voice talent pals to produce the best submissions into actual audio clips in time for the election. (If you're a good voice person drop an email at the link on your left). Act now before it's too late! To get the ball rolling, here's a couple from me:

------------------------------------

"No Truckin' Way"

MAN
Say, I really like Scott Brown's pickup truck. It's wicked pissah!

WOMAN
Sure, Ted. If you like lynchings.

MAN
Whaddaya mean?

WOMAN
Just look at the record, Ted. From James Byrd to Matthew Shepard to the last scene in Easy Rider, pickup trucks are the official vehicles of Southern Republican lynch mobs. So are you still voting for Scott Brown?

MAN
No truckin' way! 

-----------------------------------

"Brown and Red and White All Over"

VOICE OVER
Just how brown is Republican Scott "Brown"? Here's what the Republican says:

SCOTT BROWN CLIP
I'm Scott Brown.

V/O
But the pictures tell a different story. In fact, Republican Scott Brown is not brown at all. He's 100% lily white. And 100% Republican. if Republican Scott "Brown" is willing to lie about that, what else is he willing to lie about?

Republican liar Scott "Brown." Wrong on color, and wrong for Massachusetts. And Republican.

-----------------------------------

"'Bill Buckner' for Scott Brown"

V/O
Some of the following celebrity voices may be impersonated.

"BILL BUCKNER"
Hi. This is former Red Sox big leaguer Bill Buckner. If there's anything I enjoy more than breaking the hearts of Boston baseball fans, it's voting for Scott Brown. I'm voting for Scott Brown because he will shut down the St. Patrick's Parade and turn it into Yankees Appreciation Day. I like that. I also like the fact that Scott Brown plans to sell a fatal poisoned dose of cocaine to Tom Brady, just like he did with Len Bias.

I'm "Bill Buckner," and I approve this message.

UPDATE 2/18: WE HAVE A WINNER!

Many thanks to all who participated in the comedy competition, but I'm afraid further entries would be futile after this gut-busting, over-the-top parody of fetid desperation and delusional paranoia:

Congratulations to master satirist Keith Obermann of New York, NY! Please enjoy your grand prize: an all-expense-paid weekend getaway to Gracie Square Psychiatric Hospital!

Comments

[Yulik]

As soon as you can of course bicker about this, but do not say that I admire.

[Brian H]

Erg. It's 6 am and I started reading and visualizing these a while ago. My brain is in pain. Why is that?

[Dr. Spank]

I should have, at least, won a tote bag.

[twolaneflash]

The battered faces of Obama, Pelosi, and Reed look up at Scott Brown from under his pickup truck after being "trucked" in the MA senate election. Brown looks down at them and asks: "Got Healthcare?".

[Mr. Mark]

Excuse me while I whip this out:

AP predicts a Coakley LOSS!!!!!!!!!

Go see this (wait through the ad): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GwjfUFyY6M

[Bob]

There's a lot of talent out there in Iowahawkland, I salute you all!

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[Evita]

V/O Woman's voice singing,

Don't cry for me, Massachusetts!
The truth is I'll never hear you
All through my holidays
My campaign's almost non-existence
The seat has been promised, so don't keep your distance

And as for ACORN, and as for SEIU
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world they were all I desired
Their votes are illusions, but gawd I hope they're the solutions they promised to be
The answer was here all the time
I vote you, and you will vote me

[Samuel Stephens]

[Shot of a historical Massachussetts church outside, then inside shot of people praying at the pews. A man and his family are praying...]

Man: ...forgive us our trespasses, and deliver us from Scott Brown...

NARRATOR: Scott Brown scares this family...

[Close-up of family, especially Abigail, the freckled child]

NARRATOR:...and why? Because this year in 2010, the Mulligans won't have Health Care or insurance if Scott Brown is elected.

[Shot of father Mulligan looking up towards heaven]

NARRATOR: Would YOU vote for Scott Brown if it meant your family would be without healthcare?

[Switch to blank black screen, with ominous booming noise]

Make your decision for your family, before it's too late.

[Steve]

It is a documented fact that Scott Brown has never taken a drink before the cocktail hour. Do we really want someone like THAT in Ted Kennedy's seat?

[Jim]

Please, I beg of you. SHUT DOWN THESE COMMENTS

[Freedom Now]

Holy Cow! Iowahawk is taking comments!

(by the way, I'm not a Yankee fan...)

Anyone can have a truck. Obama tells me so...

[MikeL]

TV spot:

("This land is your land" plays softly in the background)

INT.: Small high school auditorium stage.

(camera slowly zooms in on Martha Coakly, standing center-stage at a microphone, music fades out.)

MARTHA (wearing a boater hat with a large ball of twine tied on top): "My uncle Phil's World's-Largest ball of twine in Gosnold, Massachusetts, it makes me proud I'm American"

(look of confusion crosses her face)

MARTHA (bowing head in shame):"I kinda misunderstood the assignment."

(twine ball falls off and rolls away, Martha awkwardly chases after it.)

Fade to black screen , with usual small-print legal disclaimer.

VOICE OVER: "I'm Martha Coakly, and at least I'm not a teabagger"

END

[brad essex]

Commercial with a pictures of America and a vo Saying that if you don't vote for brown then you hate football cool cars America and Jesus.

[Steve]

You people are seriously funny.

[Terry_Jim]

(President Obama and Martha Coakly are holding hands and waving to a cheering crowd, picture dissolves to Obama walking down a Boston street)

"My fellow Massachusettsians, I've come back to the state I went to Law school in to remind you how important Law is.

(dissolve to view of Capitol)

Right now the Unites States Senate is engaged in a struggle to pass a Law.

(dissolve to 1968 photo of civil rights protesters dispersed by firehoses)

Every Senator opposing this law is white.

(dissolve to photo of KKK lynching a black man)

Let me be clear, a vote on Tuesday for another white Republican Senator means a loss for me, your President, and a win for white people.

(dissolve back to Obama walking)

Make no mistake, change is the hope we are hoping change will bring,
and letmebeclear,
wearethathopeandchange,
makenomistake,
hopeychange..
LemeBclear....
Hey,Rahm, I thought you fixed the @#$%@$% Teleprompter!!... "
-end-

[LexisTexas]

(sound of ominous martial-sounding music)
MAN'S V/O: There is only one important question to ask yourself this Tuesday--WHO IS SCOTT BROWN!?
WOMAN: Doesn't Scott Brown remind you of someone?
MAN: Have you ever seen Scott Brown and George W. Bush in the same room?
BOTH: Maybe there is no Scott Brown!? (music crescendos)
MARTHA COAKLY: Is that because George Bush killed Scott Brown and is wearing his severed face like some primitive mask!?
GEORGE W. BUSH: Hi, I'm George Bush and I'm wearing Scott Brown's face.
DICK CHENEY: Right! IN THE FACE!
HANNIBLE LECTER: George..like some more Chianti?
TED KENNEDY: Don't be fooled, people of Massachusetts--Scott Brown is really just George W. Bush!
FDR: We have nothing to fear except a Senator willing to wear other people's faces.
MLK: I have a dream..a dream that no one will ever wear Scott Brown's face.
MAN V/O: This Tuesday, remember a vote for Scott Brown is a vote for Scott Brown's face...ON GEORGE BUSH!
MARTHA COAKLEY: I'm Martha Coakley and I approve of this ad...but not cannibalizing other people's faces.

[AngelEyesGBU]

[WOMAN'S VOICE] Scott Brown, Republican candidate for the US Senate, is a rampant militarist! [PHOTO OF BROWN IN UNIFORM AS RESERVE JAG OFFICER]
[MAN'S VOICE] He's even been a JAG officer! In public! While on duty!
[WOMAN'S VOICE] He once even posed nude for a magazine! [PHOTO SHOWN OF MAG SPREAD] To inspire other JAG officers!
[MARTHA COAKLEY] I'm Martha Coakley and I approve this message, and if elected I promise not to pose nude for a magazine.

[PatrickKelley]

Mistake in the fourth to last paragraph of my submission-

An agenda that could well end with a law mandating television shows and movies starring Retarded heroes, the promotion of books and movies by Retarded artists

Should have read the promotion of books and MUSIC by Retarded artists.

Oh well, this was fun. Congrats on a brilliant concept, IowaHawk.

[charliefreak]

This can be used on radio or television. No picture, just a voice saying:

"Why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire."

The rest will take care of itself.

[PatrickKelley]

THE RETARDED POLICIES OF SCOTT BROWN (COAKLEY AD)

In the background a violin with tones representing despair combined with a sense of mounting evil sets the stage as a woman arrives home to her affluent Boston suburban home from a hard days work, unsuspecting of the horrible news that awaits. She opens her front door and enters to see her young teenage daughter, about fourteen years old, crying and visibly shaken. Worried, she approaches anxiously.

Mom: What happened at the doctor’s, Mary?

Mary: Oh mom, the doc told me that my baby was a Moderate Retarded fetus. It’s awful.

Mom: It’s all right sweetheart. These things happen. You can get an abortion, and maybe in a year or two you’ll be able to have a normal baby.

Mary: You don’t understand Mom. Senator Scott Brown won’t allow the doctor to give me an abortion. According to him, my retarded baby has as much of a right to life as any real person does. Oh mom, how could this happen? Why did you vote for such an uncaring, evil, backwards thinking person like Scott Brown? How could the people of Massachusetts elect him to Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat?

Pan to mother expressing an anxious, defeated look of sadness, as the image fades.

V/O-Could such a thing really happen? Unfortunately, yes it could and will if Scott Brown wins. Scott Brown claims he cares about the citizens of Massachusetts. Yet, he has demonstrated time after time that Scott Brown cares for nothing but the special interests of Retarded Moderates.

And he wants to make sure there are more and more Retarded Moderates, who will support his insane, anti-progressive agenda, until eventually they have taken over-

OUR SCHOOLS (Fade to image of a large group of retarded kids taking over tables in a school cafeteria. One of them eats buggers from his nose during lunch in full sight while they all gaze lustfully at normal teenage girls and boys, breathing deeply and making other inappropriate comments and noises, some of them apparently masturbating under the table.)

OUR WORKPLACES (Cut to a scene of a large group of retarded adults taking over a warehouse, one of them knocking over large stacked boxes with a fork lift while the rest of them run amok, laughing maniacally as the normal workers cower in the corners, while smoke gathers from an area off camera and a fire alarm blares).

OUR PLACES OF BUSINESS (To a scene at a supermarket, where a riot of retarded people ensues due to a product being sold out, a leader of the riot glaring menacingly at a store clerk, leading a chant of “We want Pringles now! We want Pringles now!”).

OUR NEIGHBORHOODS (A scene of a normal Massachusetts family looking worriedly out their window as a loud, raucous group of retarded families who have moved into the neighborhood make an ungodly racket in the middle of the night, one man knocking on the door demanding a soda while his young retarded son defecates in the yard. The young son of the normal couple asks worriedly, “Mom, dad, isn’t there anything we can do?”)

EVEN OUR PLACES OF WORSHIP (Pan to a scene of a retarded woman demanding a large glass of wine as she steps up to partake of the Eucharist, the Priest helplessly acceding to the request in order to keep the peace).

AND ONCE THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM, AND THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE, IT WILL BE TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE ULTIMATE TRAGEDY THAT COULD RESULT

(Fade to scene at a polling place where a large group of retarded people stand waving posters proclaiming “Trig’s Mother Rocks-Vote Palin in 2012”.

Back to present scene of everyday voters of Massachusetts, going to and fro in their daily routines, unsuspecting of the impending tragedy as the music continues ominously in the background.

V/O-This could well be the future of Massachusetts, if Scott Brown succeeds in imposing his pro-Retarded Moderate agenda-an agenda that is anti-woman, anti-choice, anti-family, anti-business, anti-jobs, anti-education, anti-health care, and anti-Massachusetts. An agenda that could well end with a law mandating television shows and movies starring Retarded heroes, the promotion of books and movies by Retarded artists, and even demands that normal people accept the Retarded as their equals in every way. How would you feel if the law forced your son or daughter to date a Retarded Moderate?

And once Retarded Moderates have paved the way-can Retarded Conservatives be far behind?

Scott Brown-In the pockets of the Retarded Moderates lobby. Bad for Massachusetts.

Paid for by the Committee of Normal Voters To Elect Martha Coakley.

[Lars]

Music playing of Foghat "Slow Ride" V/O Scott Brown says the "Big Dig" should have been finished sooner and The Patriots should have tried to win the Super Bowl without cheating. Is this the man you want in a leadership position in this important state? We need traditional Massachewsits values to continue, not a radical new way. Stay real and vote for traditional Ms. Coakley. Respect Ted Kennedy's world-famous integrity and vote Blue for Teddy.

[twitter.com/dibutler]

Seriously? Make an ad after those demented people? I think not. However, mine would be a bilboard-

Vote Martha, because only those sexually repressed Republicans look good naked in Cosmo.

[Paul Revere]

Footage from helicopter over Afghanistan countryside, and faint "wop wop wop" of the blades in background. Camera zooms to close-up of poppy fields. Mujahadeen become visible in the fields.
V/O: "Once, not so long ago, there were terrorists in the pristine Afghanistan countryside. Martha Coakley announced them out...."
Mujahadeed are whited-out one by one. "Edelweiss" is sung in the background.
V/O: "Thanks to Martha Coakley, only organic free-range poppies are growing in these fields again, for America's pharmaceutical industries."

Image switches to aeriel shot of Quabbin Reservoir, and music switches to Schostakovitch's 1st cello concerto.
V/O: "Here in the Bay State, though, terrorists still stalk the woods of the Quabbbin, killing the very symbol of what was once America's Universal Health Care."
Camera zooms down to a bald eagle, then switches to the back of a man in hunting camo, firing a shotgun. A dead bald eagle drops from the sky. Camera shifts to old photo of Scott Brown in hunting camo. Photo of Curt Schilling is shopped in next to him. A Yankees cap is photoshopped onto, then off, then finally back onto Shilling's head.
V/O: "Martha Coakley knows how to take care of terrorists. Help her announce that Brown shirt and his minions have left the Bay State."
Photo of Scott Brown and Curt Schilling is brushed out, with green paint, quickly replaced by a forest scene and music from Disney's "Pocahontas."
Shift to two women in burqas, with Afghani music playing.
V/O: "Thanks to Richard Nixon's secret bombing of Cambodia, religious fanatics once ruled Afghanistan. But when President Obama, Martha Coakley's friend and a true Progressive leader, apologized to Pol Pot..., "
(Shift to footage of President Obama bowing to Saudi King Abdullah.)
V/O: "...then the Cambridge Collective for Diversity became a reality."
Shift to shot of five women in a classroom, one in an Yves St. Laurent burqa, one in a sari, one tatooed and pierced, in goth, and two in blue jeans and heels, holding hands in front of the blackboard. Music from "We are the World."

V/O: "Scott Brown has let religious fanatics take over our once secular hospitals."
Shift to two nurses at work at St. Elizabeth's hospital, Brighton. One has a small cross on her lapel. "Dies Ire" plays in the background.
V/O: "Martha Coakley will stop them, and restore American values."
Shift to sign in front of hospital. The "St." is then whited out. "Cady Stanton" is added after "Elizabeth." "Hospital" is then whited out, replaced by "Wellness and Yoga Center." John Lennon's "Imagine" plays in the background, here to the end.

Cue Barbara Boxer: "Scott Brown thinks a human embryo is human. It's not; it's a fish. Make Martha Coakley my colleague."
Cue Michael Dukakis:"Martha Coakley and I have been eating locally grown Belgian Endive since 1988. Scott Brown eats Fenway Franks. I resent that."
Cue Barack Obama: "It's time to restore truth, transparency and the American Dream of non-partisan mutual reciprocal recognition. Scott Brown represents the divisive politics of the past. Martha Coakley is change I can believe in."
V/O: "Paid for by DailyKos, Code Pink, the Berkeley-to-Cambridge Restorative Justice Committee, ACORN, The Zero-Tolerance-for-Papists Multicultural Fund, COYOTE, MASSPIRG, and UINCEF."

[Andy]

Camera pans on windmills in Danish North Sea (or any other place there are windmills in an ocean).

Commentator narrates: Scott Brown would vote to allow windmills within vision of Boston and Hyannisport and destroy Teddy Kennedy's dream of keeping our beautiful seascape clean of such visual ugliness. Also geese and other migratory birds often get killed in the blades of these windmills, which are used by "BIG ENERGY COMPANIES" in their pursuit of evil profits. Vote for Martha Coakley and keep our shores clean, our birdlife safe, and BIG ENERGY from "WIND"FALL PROFITS.

[Tigeronpolitics.wordpress.com]

Joe Biden is a gaffe machine.

Martha Coakley is even better at it.

Biden won President Obama's endorsement for 2008.

Martha Coakley will in 2012.

Obama/Coakley 2012!!

[FeFe]

"Elvis Is Everywhere"
V/O: Don't let your repressed memory of Scott Brown crimes go to waste. A vote for Martha Coakley honors Ted Kennedy waitress sandwiches with bananas. The King Lives for Cadillac health care taxation. Paid for by Camelot Bridge Jousters Local.

[Empyreumcoelum.blogspot.com]

"If I were to tell the press that millions of Americans would be blown up by an Iranian nutcase, or that your Congress has stolen the entire contents of your savings with health care "reform" or bailouts, nobody panics, because it's all part of the plan...

But, if I tell the press a few homosexuals are upset over their little wee wees in California, why, everyone just loses their minds!"

[Mr. Right]

-Music playing: "Battle Hymn of the Republic"-

V/O - TED KENNEDY: My fellow Massachushians, it is I, your beloved Uncle Teddy! I have been so disturbed by recent events, I have returned from the grave to implore you to save my senate seat, yes I said MY senate seat, not yours... MINE... it took me nearly 47 years to perfect the ass groove in that leather, and I'll be damned... well... let's just say I'll be damned all over again... if I let that Rethuglican, Scott Brown, anywhere near it!

You know what this little punk wants to do? Kill my health care bill!

Kill MY health care bill??? The Socialist dream legacy I spent 4 decades trying unsuccessfully to shove down the throats of the American people???

You ungrateful little bastards!!! You can't do this to me, people! I've got a reputation to uphold down here! It's all about me, not YOU... ME!!!

So, this Tuesday, stick a clothespin on your damned little peon noses, march your worthless little peon butts to the polls, and send that broad... whatsername... to the Senate so I can quit rolling over in my grave and go back to committing unspeakable acts on Satan's nether-regions!

Otherwise, I'll be back to haunt your sorry asses forever! Oh, and Chris... Chris Dodd? I'll be seeing you real soon, my friend... REAL soon!

-End music-

V/O - SATANIC SOUNDING BACKWARD-MASKED MESSAGE: Your Senator sucks back scotch in Hell!

V/O - ANNOUNCER: The Demonic Senatorial Campaign Committee is responsible for the content of this advertising.

[Yehudit]

Farmer Joe wins.

[Geoff Kransdorf]

V/O: Ted Kennedy had a relentless drive to bridge his dreams and get to the bottom of the issues. Now, a life tragically cut short has left those dreams asea. Don't let Ted's dreams sink beneath the waves. Don't let an unwanted rider take Ted's seat.

Keep Ted's dream afloat! Take the plunge and vote for Martha Coakley. She'll dive right in, just like Ted would have done.

[blogstrop]

Let's get down to the important "Reid my lips" test. Just how brown is Brown, and what accent does he have?

[Nice Deb]

(Voice over): Republican, Scott Brown has asked "outsiders" to come to Massachusetts and campaign for him in our state.

{{{Teabaggers}}}}

{{{Sarah palin}}}

{{{Yankee fans}}}

(Images of patriotic crowds, Sarah Palin, Yankees flash across the screen to Psycho shower scene chords).

These people have as much business in Massachusetts as a Republican has in Teddy Kennedy's seat.

Scott Brown, Republican, thinks it's "the people's seat".

Well, Scott Brown is entitled to his own opinions, but not to his own facts!

Brought to you by the SEIU, ACORN, HCAN, Working Families Party, NARAL, CPUSA.

[The Dread Pirate Neck Beard]

You may think you know Scott Brown, but what is he really like?

When our own Abraham Lincoln was fighting with all his might to free the slaves, Republican Scott Brown wouldn't lift a finger to help.

When Pearl Harbour caught fire, did Republican Scott Brown help those poor Japanese pilots who misplaced their payloads? He wouldn't even get within 6000 miles of Hawaii until almost 50 years later.

Where was Republican Scott Brown when Mary Jo Kopechne was gasping for air? Not helping Ted Kennedy drag her to safety. Republican Scott Brown is so out of touch he didn't even find out about it for more than a decade.

American can't afford a draft dodger like Republican Scott Brown. Massechusettes can't afford a pro-slavery, anti-asian racist like Republican Scott Brown. The Yankees can't afford a weasel like Republican Scott Brown who thinks that women should be left to drown.

Vote Martha Coakley. For our one Leader, our one People, our one Empire.

[TheBunker]

15 second spot

Single shot

Cup and saucer on table, steam rising, string lays over edge of cup, female hand picks up string pulling out a teabag with Scott Brown's name on it.

V/O Scott Brown, Tea bagging Republican

[Dan Collins]

w00t!

Scott Brown is responsible for those wicked stupid cubby Bruins uniforms. For the children!

[maryann crabtree]

Hollywood's cream of the crop assembles to send there support dollars to Martha:

Ashton Kutcher: I pledge to support Martha Coakley, only she can set this man free

Demi Moore. I pledge to support Martha Coakley , only she can set this man free

Whoopie G. I pledge to support Martha, only she can set this man FREE , FREE.

Joy Behar. I pledge to support Martha Coakley only she can set this man free

Frederic Mitterrand French Culture Minister. I pledge to send my support to Madame Coakley only she can set this man free,

I'm offering my support to Coakley as a French citizen and as the minister for culture. Justice has been denied to him many times in his life, and beauty is something that he has brought though his films," he said, calling Polanski a "wonderful man" and "one of the greatest directors of all time." "If the world of culture does not offer its support to Polanski, then that would mean there is no more culture in this country." "In the same way there is a generous America that we like, there is also a scary America, that has just shown its face." So America show your generous face and vote Madame Coakley

I'm Roman Polanski and I approve this message.

[Schteveo]

[montage throughout, voice over by Tim Robbins,or some other well known, liberal maggot]

[JFK, young and virile, RFK same way, Ted Kennedy's picture, grey haired elder statesmen look]

[voice over]

We all know the Kennedy as an American institution. They've fought for or country [picture PT-109],

fought for civil rights [picture of RFK and MLK]

and fought for our children's education [picture Teddy signing No Child Left Behind with Mr. Bush]

Now, we need to be good Americans and fight for America's Health Care. Support Martha Coakley for Senate. [picture of Martha's Mug]

Besides, that seat belonged to Ted Kennedy, his daddy paid for it fair and square!! He'd want Martha to have it.

[Abigail Adams]

I love so many of these (fmonk, odd bodkins, megan)
So here is my plagerized MASHUP

Scott Brown

Scott Brown is in the bag for BIG TEA

You can’t let elephants shit on Camelot!

Scott Brown supports the Patriots after the Department of Homeland Security has warned our country these Patriots may be a threat to our homeland and will try and recruit and radicalize returning vets. Scott Brown can’t get away with saying the Patriots are just “A wicked awesome football team” Who does he think he’s fooling?

Don’t let a former centerfold beefcake get his butt cheeks on Senator Kennedy’s Senate Seat.

Vote Coakley, or we’ll just amend the state constitution again.... you moron

[Don]

AMBIENT SOUNDS OF A PEACEFUL PASTURE, CLIP-CLOP OF HORSE HOOVES UP AND OUT

WOMAN: Look there sweetie, do you see it?

GIRL: Ooh Mommy! It's a Unicorn! A beautiful, white Unicorn!

WOMAN: That's right. It's beautiful, isn't it?

GIRL: Oh yes, it's VERY beautiful!

GIRL: (sotto voce) It's kinda sway-backed though...

WOMAN: (laughter) Well it's been ridden for the past 40 years by Ted Kennedy. It's name is Good Governance. It stands for magical, free, government-run healthcare. But Teddy is gone and so it has no rider. Now it's up to us to choose a new Senator, someone who has promised to ride the Unicorn again. That person is Martha Coakley.

GIRL: So all is well?

WOMAN: (OMINOUS MUSIC) Well, maybe not. See there's another man who also wants to be our new Senator. An evil, icky, Republican tea-bagger named Scott Brown. Scott Brown says he won't ride the Unicorn. If elected, he's actually promised to do his best to kill it. (DRAMATIC FANFARE)

GIRL: (gasp!) KILL the Unicorn? Oh Mommy, no! (sobbing) How can we stop Scott Brown??! We HAVE to save the Unicorn!! (sobbing, boo-hoo, fade to v/o)

VOICE OVER: Don't let Scott Brown tea-bag Ted Kennedy's Unicorn. Vote FOR Martha Coakley on Tuesday January 16th.

MARTHA: Political ad paid for by the Martha Coakley for US Senate Campaign. I'm Martha Coakley and I approved this message, I'm pretty sure.

[JBean]

Hello, this is President Barack Obama.

On Tuesday, the voters of Massachusetts will make a choice, between Democratic candidate Martha Coakley, who represents the legacy of that Lion of Chappaquiddick, Ted Kennedy, and a hard-hearted Republican who once posed nude for Cosmo.

Now, while it is said that Ted Kennedy knew how to make a waitress sandwich, he never inflicted himself on the American people by posing nude for Cosmo, and neither has Martha Coakley, to the best of my knowledge.

So the choice is clear. Vote for Coakley on Wednesday.

[Bob]

It's not a radio ad, but maybe with a little work . . .

1st SCENE: The 1960s. A crowded party. The sounds of laughter and people enjoying themselves fill the background. Women in mini-skirts, men wearing wide ties and horn-rimmed glasses, all of them with drinks in their hands gyrating to the loud music. It's vaguely reminiscent of the parties at Holly Golightly's. The camera focuses on an attractive 20-something young woman.

MAN (off camera. There's something just a little bit lecherous in his tone.): Let's get out of here.

WOMAN: Sure. I need to get back to Edgartown soon anyway.

2nd SCENE: The camera follows a large Oldsmobile as it swerves erratically on a dark and deserted road. We hear the conversation going on inside the car.

WOMAN: This is not the way to Edgartown. Where are you taking me?!

MAN (sinisterly): We're going to make a little stop first.

WOMAN (a struggle in the background): Get your hands off me! Watch out!

Tires squeal. The driver overcorrects and the car leaves the road. It flips upside down in a pond by the side of the road. The camera focuses on the overturned vehicle as water rises up its side. The silence is broken as a body emerges from the driver's side. His back toward the camera he struggles to the edge of the pond and clambers, very drunkenly, up the small incline. At the top he slowly turns his head to look back at the silent sunken car. The camera zooms in on a familiar face before he turns away and stumbles, leaving the scene.

NARRATOR: The truth is, that it was really Scott Brown who killed Mary Jo.

[RickZ]

[A lion roars.]

V/O: Now that Massachusetts has lost its great voice, we need to sink even lower and elect someone just south of Barbara Boxer on the intelligence scale. Californians are not ashamed of their senator, so there is no reason for you to be ashamed of your vote for Martha Coakley, either. So, on Tuesday, show the rest of America how dumb we can be: Elect the woman who cannot open her mouth without making Sheila Jackson Lee sound like a genius.

[Lion roars again.]

So get out and vote for Martha Coakley. Do it for Ted. Do it for yourself. And do it for America. Because Massachusetts can't be the laughingstock of the Senate without Martha Coakley representing us in Washington, D.C.

Martha Coakley: I'm Martha Coakley, and I was told I approve of this ad.

[Doug Ross]

CUE OMINOUS MUSIC, FADE FROM BLACK TO SHOW SCOTT BROWN IN BLACK-AND-WHITE

Narrator: "Did Scott Brown assault an elderly woman in Roxbury last year?"

PAN TO POLICE CARS ON DARKENED STREET WITH LIGHTS FLASHING

Narrator: "Is it true he visited Thailand to engage in illicit activities with underage cheerleaders?"

PAN TO MAP OF THAILAND WITH THONG UNDERWEAR LYING ON IT

Narrator: "Did Scott Brown really murder his first wife in a fit of rage?"

PAN TO KNIFE LAYING IN A POOL OF BLOOD ON A KITCHEN FLOOR

Narrator: "Could you cast a vote for an accused murderer, child sex addict and batterer of the elderly?"

PAN TO SMILING COAKLEY IN COLOR

Narrator: "Say no to criminal behavior: it's time for Martha Coakley."

Message paid for by the SEIU

[fmonk]

whoops, guess I missed that it was a radio spot too. Have to rework that ending (or the whole thing).

[Ledger]

[Picture of 0bama symbol colored Patriot solider morphing into brown shirt Hitler soldier, with up-beat announcer in background]

Don’t let Massachusetts turn Brown.
Vote for Croakley in every town.

[picture of cute frog catching a baseball with her tongue.]

She may not know her Yankees from her Red Sox.
But, if you kisser her she will turn into Goldilocks.

[Footage of frog morphing into beautiful blond women]

If you vote for Brown...
You will be giving away Croaked Kennedy’s crown.

[Picture of Crown Royal bottle on jewel encrusted gold chair]

Croakely may sell you down the road.
But that’s only because she is a liberal Toad.

[Picture of Toads painted with 0bama colors jumping around Martha’s Vineyard]

Vote for Croakely before 0bamacare croaks!

[Quick Voice Over and small text]:
Paid for by ACORN and Friends to keep 0bamacare from croaking.

[denise]

[Cartoon herd of blue sheep “baaa’ing” with Boston accent. One sheep in forefront has big head of Ted Kennedy. One small sheep in background has Coakley’s head. One red sheep in the crowd stands alone.]

V/O (with Boston accent): Maahtha Coakley knows how to blend in in Washington. Scott Braan does not.

[Sheep getting louder.]

V/O (with Boston accent): Maatha Coakley can tawk to ha constituants in whateva dialect she believes theem to undahstand. She knows they will follow ha blindly. Scott Braan, onda otter hand does not. He cannaught switch dialects with ease to appease.

[Herd begins to run after lone red sheep, evil growing in their eyes. Baaa’ing gets louder.]

V/O (with Boston accent): Don’t get shuht ouht from the crowd. Run with da hahd. Vote fah Maahtha.

[StPatrick]

FADE FROM BLACK TO SIDE VIEW OF SCOTT BROWN'S PICKUP TRUCK

FADE IN TERMINATOR 2 DRUMBEATS...buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

V/O: "This is Scott Brown's truck. A truck he's proud of, and that he has driven over 200,000 miles."

buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

You could be horrified at the greenhouse emissions from all those republican years driving across OUR state teabagging.

buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

You mind could recoil from the horrific realization that GEORGE W. BUSH drives a truck.

buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

Your mind might shrink from the dreadful knowledge that such a truck often has a gunrack in it, with a GUN on it!

buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

These are all horrible possibilities, each worse than the last, but now consider:

buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

When gays and minorities are dragged to death behind a vehicle, remember well what kind of automobile is the killers' choice when the killing time comes and blood must be spilled for killing by killy killers.

buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

Scott Brown has been driving this death machine on the roads of Massachusetts for years. How many people has he murdered while they were chained helplessly behind it?

buhbuhbuh buh buhbuh

He can't provide evidence it never happened...draw your own conclusions, Massachusetts. When you cast a vote for Scott Brown, a republican teabagger, you could be casting a vote for a truck-dragging murderer.

/drums and french horns signal "redemption time" with swelling, triumphant major chords

V/O: "I'm Martha Coakley, and I approved this message, I think. I'm certainly against truck-murder...curling iron rape is a little more of a gray area...damn. I think I just pooped a little bit. Vote for me, if you want to. I'm not sure I've ever really given half a shit. Excepting the aforementioned turtle head, of course. Go Yankees!"

[jwm]

Oh, yeah- this was supposed to be radio.(Sorry, I got carried away) Replace montage with jazz medley.
JWM

[jwm]

...montage of photographs of empty beaches and bicycle gears fades into footage of paunchy, pony-tailed hippie approaching on a ten speed.

"Hi. I'm Charles Johnson, art photographer, and world famous blogger.
Uncovering, exposing, and banning creational racists and neo nazis with blinking GIF's is what I do more than anyone else in the history of the internet. And I'm uncovering and exposing Scott Brown for everything I inferred that those creational white supreme right wing republicans that I banned said. After all. Scott Brown is favored by the same creational racists. Don't be a creational racist or neo nazi like those republicans like Scott Brown, and vote for Martha Coakley who isn't one."

JWM

[vanderleun]

VOTE MARTHA. Do not activate the seismic detectors around Ted Kennedy's grave. You see what happened in Haiti when Copenhagen failed.

[JC]

"the last scene in Easy Rider" - Man I love a movie with a happy ending!

[Endangered Republican in California]

Oh wait, can I change my vote? Can I vote for 3?

V/O: Just because we have run out of Kennedys is no reason to vote for a Republican. I mean without the invention of some sort of significant Liver saving technology we knew it would happen eventually.

Cut to Alec Baldin: Vote for the babe, you know that is what Teddy would want.

[lotocoti]

I don't do radio, so here's a 15 second TV spot.
Video: Twelve seconds harrowing vision of earthquake aftermath.
Audio: Nat sound panic and distress.
At 8 seconds cue Danny Glover V/O.
Don't let this happen to Massachusetts.
Know what I'm sayin'?
Mix to VCG on black: Vote Democrat.
Cue Martha Cloakley V/O
I'm Martha Cloakley and I approve this message.

[moon doggy]

lets hope Scott Brown doesnt turn out to be bobby brown.
http://tinyurl.com/ycckbn7

[Joe Redfield]

"Scott Brown? He's in the bag for BIG TEA!
Martha Coakley? She has the undying devotion of obedient patriots from every Middlesex village and farm!
The choice is clear...vote for Coakley if you know what's good for you."

Thiscandidateboughtandpaidforbygeorgesorosinc...whatsgoodforgeorgeisgoodforyouandme

[Mark]

V/O: Just because we have run out of Kennedys is no reason to vote for a Republican. I mean without the invention of some sort of significant Liver saving technology we knew it would happen eventually.

Cut to Alec Baldin: Vote for the babe, you know that is what Teddy would want.

[hey that dude]

[Start with pic of Scott Brown's family all happy and such. the christmas pic would be ideal, and start teh voiceover]

VO: Scott Brown seems like a nice guy, but what are his true motives?

Clip of Brown saying, "I welcome everybody's support because literally it's me against the machine."

VO: Do we want a man who would be happy to recieve the support of Keith Winfield, a policeman who raped a 23-month old with a curling iron and got away, Scott free? [flashes pic of him, preferably in a prison jumpsuit. if no such pic can be found, a crudely drawn (in MSpaint or equivilent) orange jumpsuit will suffice]

"I welcome everybody's support..." [show pic of brown's family with Keith replacing one person]

VO: Or Godzilla? [flashes pic of Godzilla smacking a building with poorly photoshopped "The USA" sign on it]

"everybody's support..." [show pic of brown's family with Keith replacing one person and godzilla replacing another]

VO: Or a man who liked *Bush* [said as if there was a foul taste in the VO dude's mouth; imagine having to kiss Martha. flshes picture of Morgan Freeman]

"everybody's support..." [show pic of brown's family with Keith replacing one person and godzilla replacing another and Freeman there as well]

Vote for Martha Coakley, a *descriminating* polititian. [Pic of martha at like, a wine tasting or the like]

I'm martha coakley and I approve this messege

clip from http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/scott-brown-on-being-a-scott-brown-republican/F5412FB15D9C0DAD46DEF5412FB15D9C0DAD46DE 1:10-1:15ish

[RW Bennett]

E for Massachusettes

VOICEOVER: Consider the letter ‘E’. What do you think of?
MAN1: Excellence!
WOMAN1: Education!
WOMAN2: Mother Earth!
MAN2: Earwax!
VO: Good. These are all good things. Now, there is a special election next Tuesday for the Senate seat vacated by our departed hero Ted Kennedy, a Democrat whose name contains up to six ‘Es’, depending on the creativity of your spelling. Democrat Martha Coakley is running and her name has at least one ‘E’, maybe two. She is running against Republican Scott Brown, a man with nary an ‘E’ to be found anywhere.
MAN1: Elucidating!
WOMAN1: Eerie!
WOMAN2: Exceptional!
MAN2: Earwax!
VO and Scrolling Words: Massachusettes deserves a Senator with ‘Es’ in her name. Vote for Coaklee on Tuesdee.

[Farmer Joe]

Hi. I'm President Barak Obama with an important message for the voters of Massachusetts.

Listen up: This past year I've gone easy on you people. I've tried to do things via the legislative process, and I've tried to keep my strong arming to a minimum. But if I lose the Senate, we're going to have to do things the hard way.

Now, I've got enough body armor and billy clubs to outfit every ACORN employee and SEIU member. We'll start with the banks. You'll probably like that. You hate bankers. Then we'll move on to the doctors. That might disturb you a little, but when they start treating you for free, you'll admit it was a good thing.

By the time we cancel the elections in November, there won't be anything you can do. We'll have confiscated all your guns by then.

All you have to do to avoid this is vote for Martha Coakley. Seriously, that's it. Hell, a couple of weeks ago, you were planning to do that, anyway.

Your move, Massachusetts.

(V/O: I'm Martha Coakley, and I approved this message, because I want to maintain the illusion of democracy in America.)

[Jean]

Music up - Nostalgic

Fade to:

VO: Hi, I'm Joe Kennedy and that is Kennedy seat.

We need to Stop Scott Brown now - it is mine by right, mine by blood,

and

Remember Vote Kennedy - just like you always have.

Music fade up : Sousa march

Blah, Blah, Blah

[Dr. Spank]

Mom : Hey sweetie, why you crying?
10 year old Susie : Mom, I just heard Scott Brown is trying to kill me. Is that right?
Mom : Of course not Susie, Scott Brown is not trying to kill you, he's trying to kill all children,
Susie : But, but, why?
Mom : Cuz that's what Republicans do, they kill children, and kittens, but mostly children.
Susie : But...how?
Mom : By killing Uncle Teddy's health-care bill, that's how. Their pro-cancer, anti-kitten agenda has finally been exposed. They're even planning to put cancer in the drinking water.
Susie : Didn't Uncle Teddy die of brain cancer?
Mom : Infected with brain cancer, Susie. Infected with brain cancer by Republicans.
Susie : I'm scared.
Mom : Don't be scared Susie. If Scott Brown is elected, your father and I will take care of you, if you know what I mean.
Susie : The Kopechne treatment?
Mom : Of course.
Voice Over : Don't make parents in Massachusettes kill their children. Don't make pet owners in Massachusettes kill their kittens. Vote for the pro-child, pro-kitten candidate. Vote for Martha Coakley.

[Endangered Republican in California]

I'm sorry; I don't have anything clever to say. I just wanted to vote for Odd Bodkins' "On Tuesday, vote against Scott Brown and keep Catholics out of Massachusetts" commercial.

Megan G.'s is awfully funny, too.

Thanks for the laughs!

[joncelli]

[Sinister music]
Sound of camera shutter over picture of Brown shaking Hitler's hand.

VO: Scott Brown. Republican.

[Music darkens]
Sound of camera shutter over picture of Brown clubbing baby seal.

VO: But what is he really?

[Music becomes more sinister still]
Sound of camera shutter over picture of Brown with his arm around Cthulhu.

VO: What do we really know about this man who calls himself Scott Brown?

[Sudden bleat of strings and trumpet]
Sound of camera shutter over picture of Scott Brown shaking hands with Rush Limbaugh.

VO: Martha Coakley: at least she doesn't hang out with Limbaugh.

[Odd Bodkins]

Sound Effect: priests chanting in Latin

V/O: Catholics. Responsible for the Crusades. Responsible for the Plague. Against a woman's right to choose. And now, Scott Brown want to allow them to work in Massachusetts hospitals. Can we really trust our health care to these fish munching Mary-worshipping Papists?

On Tuesday, vote against Scott Brown and keep Catholics out of Massachusetts.

[Billy Hollis]

{Multiple, sequential pictures of Ted Kennedy, face only}

Narrator: For over forty years, this man served Massachusetts in the US Senator.

{Picture of car sinking into water}

Narrator: Even after Ted Kennedy killed a staffer...

{Picture of young, bikini-clad woman}

Narrator: Even after Ted Kennedy covered up for relatives who raped and abused young women...

{Picture of windmills}

Narrator: Even after Ted Kennedy betrayed your desire for clean alternative energy by obstructing windmills that would mess up his view...

{Back to Kennedy}

Narrator: You understood how important it was to keep him in the Senate.

{Picture of someone making a retarded face}

Narrator: Why? Because you're idiots. You're mindless drones. You don't know your ass from a hole in the ground. You are brainwashed liberals who will do whatever the Democratic Party tells you to do.

{Picture of Coakley}

Narrator: So here is your next assignment. Ted Kennedy is gone, and his corpse is not eligible to serve in the Senate. So the Democratic Party has searched long and hard to find someone who reflects Kennedy's values and lack of abilities. Go out on Tuesday and vote for Martha Coakley for Senate.

{Picture of Scott Brown}

Narrator: This is her opponent. He's a Republican, so you can't vote for him. That's all you need to know. Don't ask any questions. Just go vote for Coakley the same way you voted for Kennedy for decades.

[Aquatone282]

FADE IN FROM BLACK. Video showing scenes of slaves picking cotton, revivialist meetings, KKK cross-burnings, G.I.s setting Vietnamese villages alight with their Zippos, Nazis marching through Paris, Guantanomo detainees hooded and shackled, etc etc etc etc. . .

MAN'S VOICE: George W. Bush is a REPUBLICAN.

WOMAN'S VOICE: Richard Nixon was a REPUBLICAN.

MV: Joseph McCarthy was a REPUBLICAN.

WV: Rush Limbaugh is a REPUBLICAN.

MV: Hitler wanted to be a REPUBLICAN

WV (shrieking): SARAH PALIN IS A REPUBLICAN!!!!

(Video freezes - fades to picture of Scott Brown.)

MV (calmly): Scott Brown is a Republican.

(Screen fades to picture of Martha Coakley)

WV (soothingly). Vote for Martha Coakley. Because we know what's best for you.

MV (rapidly, like those guys explaining details of a car loan at the end of the ad): Paid for by people who are better educated than you, have nicer houses than you, have lots more money than you, and are definitely better looking than you.

[vanderleun]

[All VO text taken from:

Yes it sucks. Yes you have to vote Coakley.

http://www.bluemassgroup.com/diary/18353/yes-it-sucks-yes-you-have-to-vote-coakley

]

SOUNDTRACK UP: Onward Christian Soldiers (Instrumental) Fade under VO.

VO: You might not want to vote for Martha Coakley.

CHORUS: "She sucks!"

VO: You might think she deserves what's she's getting after an absentee, self-satisfied campaign.

CHORUS: "She sucks!"

VO: You likely want to send a message to everyone from the attorney general all the way to our well-spoken light-skinned President what's his name.

CHORUS: "He sucks!"

VO: Odds are you didn't vote for her in the primary.

CHORUS: "She sucks!"

VO:And, you might be wondering if it'll make a difference who wins this Tuesday.

CHORUS: "She sucks!"

VO: You got every reason to be pissed, but it needs to be clear: not voting for Coakley is the same as voting for Brown. And voting for Brown is a very, very bad thing.

CHORUS: "She sucks!"

VO: Yes she sucks. Yes you have to vote Coakley. Martha Coakley. She sucks good.

Paid for by "Yes She Sucks But She Sucks The Way We Like It" Committee.

[Ricky Raccoon]

I just want to be able to tell my grandkids, "Hey grandkids. Back in the derpreshin, your grampa got to comment on Iowahawk once."
Good day.

[Kelly Smith]

TITLE: SINKAGE

PICTURE FROM INSIDE CAR, FRONT SEAT, SLOWLY SINKING AND FILLING WITH WATER

WOMAN'S VOICE:Who are you going to put in Ted Kennedy's seat?

MAN'S VOICE: Don't let Massachusetts sink into the depths at the wheel of the Republican vast right wing machine. Vote for Martha Coakley.

I'm Martha Coakley and I approve this message.

[Haiku Guy]

(Fade in to image of shadowed figure, face obscured)

MAN'S VOICE: Don't judge me. I just like getting pushed around. Lots of people do...

(Cut to video of headbanger concert, football tackle, man mudwrestling with three half-naked WWE divas)

MAN'S VOICE: But Scott Brown refuses to push me down and step on my face. His security detachment won't even lay a hand on me...

(Cut to video of SCOTT BROWN shaking the hand, and conversing politely with a MAN with face obscured by pixilation)

MAN'S VOICE: But Martha Coakley will treat me rough, like the naughty, naughty boy that I am...

(Cut to stills of American Reporter curb stomp, while Martha Coakley looks on, smiling)

MAN'S VOICE: Vote for Martha Coakley. She will give us the kind of treatment we all know we deserve.

[Mumblix Grumph]

V/O: Paid for by Coakley's Union Network Team.

COAKLEY: Hi, I'm Martha Coakley. By now I'm sure you've heard the smears about my statement that Catholics shouldn't work at hospitals. As usual, the Right Wing has taken my words out of context. Of course Catholics can work at hospitals and clinics...we need janitors and bedpan emptiers more than ever.

During my time in the Massachusetts political arena doing...whatever the hell it is I do, I've met several Catholics and have only had my hired goons beat up two or three of them.

So don't let the Vast Right Wing hate machine like Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and The New York Times fill your empty head with lies, that's our job.

[Joan of Argghh!]

In a world full of political disappointment and dismay there comes a time to ask the tough questions: What is the most disturbing thing about Scott Brown's absurd assumption that "it's the peoples' seat"?
[dramatic pause with stabby violin noise]
. . .
. . .
Have you ever met "people"?

"People" are all around you: in-laws, loud neighbors, people who drive slow in the left lane, bored store clerks, Trekkies, car salesmen, funeral directors, tattoo artists, DMV clerks, and various grown men who still ride skateboards.

Do you really want these "people" in charge? People who make your quiet weekend a living hell? Those people?

Vote Democrat-- and leave politics to the professionals.

.
.
.

[Ling Carter]

WIFE: They say Scott Brown wants to end poor people's medical care.

HUSBAND: I hear he wants to steal Ted Kennedy's corpse and drop it from a plane onto school children.

WIFE: The same school children he wants to run naked through a bonfire as they worship Azathoth.

HUSBAND: The same giant demon that will appear on the state flag after Brown moves the capitol to Dunwich.

V.O.: Scott Brown: Good for the Great Old Ones; Bad for Massachusetts.

[Clarke]

(An echoing, indistinct rhythmic pounding that is soon recognizable as hordes of infantry, the sound swells painfully)

Voice Over with James Earl Jones solemnity: This is what Republicans sound like.

(a sound suspiciously like a bottle of beer being opened is quickly followed by squeals of children playing in water and the hiss of a barbecue interspersed with adult laughter.

Voice Over with Ron Howard cheerfulness: This is what Democrats sound like!

V/O Jones: Scott Brown is a Republican (STOMP, STOMP, STOMP)

V/O Howard: Martha Coakley is a Democrat (beer bottle hissing)

V/O Jones: Republican (STOMP, STOMP, STOMP)

V/O Howard: Democrat (beer bottle hissing)

"I'm Martha (beer bottle hissing) Coakley and I approve this message

[Floyd Looney]

*sound, no visual*
It's "Ode to the Common Man*... the narrator:

Pictures of JFK and Jackie and such

"This is Camelot. The dream of millions for a better future. This is Camelot. Don't let Scott Brown tear down that dream. Don't let Scott Brown crush our Camelot with his reality."

"Meet Martha Coakley" her picture comes up "She is not a Kennedy. Indeed she has as much charisma and people skills as a rock in the desert. And sure she is probably as stupid as a rock in a freezer. But she's a Democrat, and she is our Democrat! Sure she has let child molesters off the hook as AG and descriminates against Catholics, but Scott Brown is worse, he's a Republican!"

"Don't let Scott Brown destroy Camelot, we need our false utopian dreaming sheeple whom we wouldn't lower ourselves to shake hands with at Fenway... vote Martha Coakley for Senator!"

"I am Martha *hack hack* Coakley and I approve this message"

Paid for by the We'd Elect a Pig-brained Commie Idiot before a Republican Committee.

[bill]

Comments!!??!!
Wow

[fmonk]

[SCENE: Two moms are having coffee in the kitchen, keeping an eye on their kids playing in the back yard]

Jane: Say, Peg, can you believe that election? I never thought good old Ted Kennedy's Senate seat would go to a Republican!

Peg: Tell me about it! Especially considering how much that Scott Brown hates women. Can you believe that he sponsored an amendment that would force our daughters to get their taxpayer-funded contraceptives at a hospital that didn't have religous objections? Talk about inconvenient!

Jane: I'm pretty sure that's how it was in Nazi Germany, too.

Peg: And the worst part is, those pesky reporters are able to ask questions of politicians all day long, without getting knocked to the ground!

Jane: Thomas Jefferson must be rolling in his grave.

Peg: Still, he's just one vote out of a hundred. It can't be all that bad... [looks concerned] can it?

[Camera pans to window, transitions to kids playing in yard. Eight-year-old girl kneels down to pluck daisy and sniff it. Switch focus to long-range as mushroom cloud erupts in distance.]

Voiceover: Vote Coakley. Or else.

[Amos]

Harry Reid: Scott Brown is a racist.

Tim Geitner: Scott Brown failed to report $300 he earned under the table on his 1982 1040.

Hillary Clinton: Scott Brown doesn't speak fluent russian.

Kevin Jennings: Our children are not safe with Scott Brown.

Barney Frank: Thcott Bwown doethn't know the fiwst thing about the mawtgage induthtwy. And he hunts bunny wabbits.

Nancy Pelosi: Scott Brown is wealthy. He associates with wealthy people.He is very partisan and doesn't work well with others.

Senator Byrd: Scott Brown is a racist.

Joe Biden: Scott Brown says stupid shit all the time!

Charlie Rangel: Scott Brown exploits tax loopholes.

Janet Napolitano: Scott Brown refuses to recognize the threat of terrorism posed by our retired veterans.

Sheila Black: Look! I just found an honest-to-goodness REAL DOCTOR who opposes Scott Brown!(ring ring ring!) hold on! I gotta get this.....

Barack Obama: Let me be perfectly clear! Scott Brown is totally inexperienced and unfit for this important job. He doesn't have a clue!

John McCain: Scott Brown is a republican.

[Matthew]

Did Billy Buckner actually say that?

[Farmer Joe]

Megan, I bow to your brilliance.

[Megan G]

Musical background: Theme from Deliverance:

Footage of Scott Brown, strangely toothless, driving a General-Lee paint-jobbed pickup down a red-dirt road.

He pulls into the parking lot of a huge glass mega church. Every vehicle is festooned with “It’s a Child, Not a Choice.” bumper stickers and gun-racks.

[Music changes to the Darth Vader/Empire Theme from Star Wars]

Cut to inside where thousands of beefy-faced white people with over-sprayed hair wave their arms in the air and sway back and forth while images of aborted fetuses and gay weddings flash onto two giant screens. The singing turns to chanting;;Scott Brown….Scott-Brown. Intensity grows until a huge set of double doors bursts open and Scott Brown, now attired in a gleaming blue suit, his intact teeth sparkling, appears as if a vision, with haloes of klieg-lights behind him. The crowd roars, Cameras cut to faces in the crowd: a military man in uniform, his congenital inability to qualify for a real job evident in his vacant, brutal face. A hugely pregnant woman with big hair in a calico dress, her 9 disturbingly immaculate children lined up at her side. A fat old man with an NRA ball-cap on his head. The chants swell in volume and ferocity as Scott Brown runs down the aisle.

Cut to Massachusetts. A mob of unwashed and unlettered southerners and Midwesterners tosses books onto a bonfire outside the Harvard Coop. Men in “Tea Bagger” shirts roll oil drums labeled “Toxic Waste” to the shore and disgorge their contents into Boston Harbor and the Charles. Big-haired women wearing cross necklaces and matching polyester separates drag women off the sidewalks of Wellesley for forced leg and underarm shaving. Bible-brandishing goons storm the bar at The Country Club and snatch the martinis out of the flaccid fingers of sobbing RINOs. Andrew Sullivan wanders, half-clothed and weeping in the smoldering ruins of P-town.

Images fade to Leni Riefenstahl black-and-white.

Graphic: Vote for Martha Coakley: Before it is TOO LATE. Drumroll. Silence. Gun shots. A scream.

End.

.

[Farmer Joe]

Scott Brown thinks Sarah Palin is... a "nice lady."

Scott Brown thinks George W. Bush was ... "not bad."

Scott Brown thinks that dinosaurs live ... "in Canada."

Scott Brown thinks that chocolate comes ... "from goats."

Scott Brown thinks that Pluto is ... "only four or five miles away."

Scott Brown: Stupid. Just like Sarah Palin and George Bush.

[Joe Redfield]

Also, if you want to honor Jan Gabriel, you might start out with "TUESDAY...TUESDAY...TUESDAY"

[Joe Redfield]

"Scott Brown wants to destroy your Gaia-given right to shut up and do what you're told. And you know what color shirts his worshipers wear. Vote for Martha Coakley, a loyal subject of his majesty King George III.
This message paid for by gobs of Union money."

[Odd Bodkins]

Scott Brown is also a known numismatist.

[fmonk]

@Odd Bodkins:

You forgot...

"Scott Brown has admitted he once tried to interest an underage girl in philately."

"Vote Coakley, or we'll just amend the state constitution again."

[Farmer Joe]

Kitchen. A Man and a Woman are seated. Lots of papers on the table.

MAN: Look at the property taxes!

WOMAN: And our income tax!

MAN: You know it's all going up if this health care bill passes.

WOMAN: Yeah. And how long do you think our insurance company will be able to stay in business?

MAN: Uncle Bill says he's going to retire from medicine if it does. He says even doctors like him have no idea what's in the bill.

WOMAN: What are we going to do?

MAN: You know, if Scott Brown wins the special election, they might be able to kill this thing. Or at least slow it down until we can find out what it's really all about.

WOMAN: Scott Brown? Isn't he a... Reublican?

(Freeze image. Fade to Black and White.)

VOICEOVER (ANNOUNCER): That's right! Scott Brown is a Republican.

(Image of Martha Coakley appears)

VOICEOVER (WOMAN): Martha Coakley. I guess. Yeah. If she's a Democrat.

VOICEOVER (ANNOUNCER): Paid for by Citizens to Keep Mass Blue (At Any Cost).

[Odd Bodkins]

V/O: What is Scott Brown trying to hide? Scott Brown claims to be a faithful husband. But according to secret records, Scott Brown is a known masticator and has been seen masticating in public with several Lebanese. Scott Brown's own dossier shows that he was caught matriculating at Boston College.

On Tuesday, vote for Martha Coakley and stop Scott Brown from masticating on the Senate floor.

[Steve]

Scott Brown SAYS he's not responsible for the disaster in Haiti, Tourette's Syndrome or tracks like "Rock that Body" but LETS LOOK AT THE FACTS. The website dogsonacid.com proudly proclaims that "Scott Brown is responsible for tracks like 'Now Is the Time', 'Rock That Body', 'Gang Bang Society' and 'Definition Of A Badboy' "

http://www.... See Morehttp://www.dogsonacid.com/showthread.php?threadid=467068

Why does Scott Brown have to lie? Why do we need to go to dogs on acid for the truth? What else is he rocking? Or gang banging? We don't need the definition of a badboy in TEDDY KENNEDY'S SEAT. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR SCOTT BROWN. VOTE MARTHA COAKLEY (or Sideshow Bob).

[M]

Obviously this Senate seat needs continuity - therefore one should vote to replace a symbolic vagina, with a REAL vagina! It's so obvious, I can't believe everyone doesn't 'get it'!

[Odd Bodkins]

V/O: If Scott Brown has his way, the Cap and Trade bill will fail. The planet will continue to heat. The Red Sox and Patriots will have to play in scuba gear. Malaria and other tropical diseases will run rampant in Massachusetts. And then...

Terrifying chimpanzee: SCREEEEE! SCREEEEEEEE!

V/O: ...and then come the swarms of face- and genital-eating chimpanzees.

Scott Brown: he wants chimpanzees to eat your face.

[Mr. Mark]

[Sound of dolphins and laughing children]

V/O: If you are like most people, you love baby dolphins.

Martha Coakley: "I am Martha Coakley, and I love baby dolphins."

V/O: After all, what kind of demonic, kitten-eating freak doesn't love baby dolphins?

[Sound of maniacal laughing and chainsaws]

[Chainsaws and laughing fades...children sobbing...dolphins are heard no more]

V/O: Remember, every time someone votes for Scott Brown, a baby dolphin dies.

[MassVoter]

DARK BACKGROUND AND MAN WITH A DEEP, PONDEROUS VOICE. A PIECE OF WHITE TOILET TISSUE FLOATS ACROSS THE SCREEN.

VOICE-SCOTT. OBVIOUSLY IN THE POCKET OF THE BIG TOILET TISSUE INTERESTS.

SOMETHING SPLOTCHY OF THE COLOR BROWN APPEARS ON THE SCREEN.

VOICE-BROWN. NEED I SAY MORE?

CLANGY, THREATENING MUSIC PLAYS.

VOICE-VOTE COAKLEY AND FLUSH BROWN AND HIS SCOTTIE DOWN THE TOILET.

[Jimma]

A vote for Scott Brown is a vote for 40 more years of government looting, and mooching.

[Jeff]

Vote for Coakley

Because she is woman enough to handle Ted Kennedy's seat