After battling a head cold all weekend (with the old family cranberry juice and vodka remedy) I was delighted to discover my inbox runneth over with submissions for the prestigious Iowahawk Endowment for the Arts $33.18 Steel Cage Art Death Match.
Below the fold you will find a visual feast of astonishing artistic genius, produced by Iowahawk's talented and frightening readers, updated frequently as I get new submissions (deadline noon Oct. 4). Study carefully and take detailed notes, for the best of the submissions will be culled at the end of the week for a vote to determine the winner of the grand prize $33.18 grant!
UPDATE 9/29: Another handsome crapload of art just in from the email loading docks! Thanks to all for the submissions, and keep 'em coming. But please -- no more Obama Icon / Shepard Fairey automatic image stuff. Enter the land of your i-mag-i-na-tion! Intoxicants may help.
UPDATE 9/30: The hits keep coming, now up to 48 entries! Some have been squished down in size to fit the page here, but you can click on any picture to embiggen.
UPDATE 10/1: The relentless onslaught of aesthetic beauty continues! To save page load time, I've inserted a page expansion break for older entries. Don't worry, all the art is still there, just click 'read more'.
UPDATE 10/2: Only 48 more hours before entry deadline! I remind you: original works only (e.g., don't send links to somebody else's stuff) and no more Obama icon parodies. We also have a full quota of song parodies, sil vous plait.
UPDATE 10/3: Tick tock tick tock... get cracking if you want a chance for that 33.18 large, entries close noon CDT tomorrow. Best bring your artistic A game, as you can see by the swanky entries below!
UPDATE 10/4: Errrrnnnnt!! Sorry, no more entries at this time. Tomorrow, voting commences!
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Entry #89 " Iowahawk Custom Smart-Rod Hipstermobile" I don't want to prejudice the voting, but it appears that the fates have save me the best for last. This midblowingly awesome bit of Rothian hot rod monster art comes from blogger / illustrator John Manders, who writes: "How I pine for those carefree days of my youth, squandered amidst the fragrant and beckoning fumes of model cement and those little bottles of Testor’s model paint. When I see today’s dull, uninspired fuel-efficient vehicles, I pine especially for Ed ‘Big Daddy’ Roth, who designed those model cars I painstakingly glued together. What would such a titan have made of the Smart Car? Herewith, my submission. a Big Daddy Roth Smart Car with the iconic Iowahawk manning the wheel a la Rat Fink." |
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Entry #88 "D.B." How I looked in my 1980s video arcade action game, as imagined by CH. |
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Entry #87 "Barack Obobblehead" From aspiring commercial artist Suzie 1. |
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Entry #86 "Just Say Yes to Iowahawk" Submitted by Lina George, with the following: "I've delegated the job of Muse to my 14-month old daughter, in this photographic piece. It focuses on a visual trinity symbolizing both self-destruction and nourishment. There is also the obvious battle between good (Iowahawk) and evil (drugs). The Obama quote set everything off nicely. Plus my kid is cute as hell, and that mac and cheese was delicious." |
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Entry #85 "I Am Iowahawk" A thematic slideshow gallery (full size here) from Texan Don Parsley. From the artist manifesto:
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Entry #84 "Iowahawk by a Nose" From Virginia artist K. Kahn, who notes: "Attached is my magnum opus. It is the culmination of my five minute artistic career. I doubt that I will have the ability or mental acumen to duplicate this effort. Please accept this humble submission and consider me a contender worthy of $33.18 (and a can of Schlitz)." |
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Entry #83 "Imagine" Artist "Wholebrainer" invokes the free spirited optimism of the 1960s and imagines a utopian future where all will pledge their liege to me, and my unstoppable 1000-year empire of iron-fisted peace and harmony. Sigh, a fella can always dream. |
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Entry #82 "Flash Mob Performance Art Concept" Sudstown blogger and occasional Iowahawk drinking pal Heather Radish sends in this grant proposal that combines two of my favorite things: Greek classicism and strippers.
How 'bout that! Turns out the ancient Greeks invented Brazilian waxing and the Snuggie. |
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This contest is discriminatory. I'm handicapped and can't make the deadline. That's not fair, and it hurts my feelings. I'm handicapped by my time zone. I live in Hawaii which is SIX hours earlier then New York, for example I'm going to submit something, but under protest, and it's definitely not my best work, and I'm filing a complaint. |
Entry #81 "Art Contest Complaint"
From Hawaiian conceptual poet D. Sliwowski. |
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Entry #80 "Yes, Wee Can"
If Marcel Duchamp can make art out of a pissoir, Iowahawk reader "Coach X" figures why can't I? From the artist's pitch perfect gallery bullshit notes: "This modernized "Fountain" transcends the visceral instinct, thereby,challenging our inherent group prejudices. The readymade symbolic concept liberates the once was for the hope that is to pee. Fashioning elements of the anti-art to the limiting conventions of Joe-the -plumber reveals a transcending manifestation of bloated hubris only rivaled by the solitary. "Yes,wee can" in many ways asserts this demonization and contempt for the creator thus unshackling our imprisonment of logic and reason, thereby constructing a communal exchange of regulated interests. Spin Marcel. Spin." |
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JABBERHAWKY
'Twas brillig, and the slithy corn "Beware the Nematode, my son!" Hawk took the tractor keys in hand: The fumes put stagger in his walk, One, Two! One, Two! And through and through "Oh, hast thou slain the Corn Blight? Say! 'Twas brillig, and the harvest huge-- Another year the farm did live, All mimsey were the 4-H girls, Their favors each did give. |
Entry #79 "Jabberhawky"
A Lewis Carroll joint from Harry Bergeron, in which I do battle against the fearsome Nematode, and the fearsomer EPA. |
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Entry #78 "Mother's Worry"
I took the liberty of naming this piece from Rick Schick which nicely references my favorite artist, Ed "Big Daddy" Roth. |
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IowaHawk Interceptor
3 oz. Midnight Moon moonshine Shake with ice until cold. Strain into |
Entry #77 "Iowahawk Interceptor"
mixed media piece in illustration and cocktail recipe from Doug Pegu, who explains:
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Growing in the corn See the chrysalis’ jewel Comic prose takes wing![]() On the fragile wings of freedom merry words do play but now that we own GM
we're all screwed today. |
Entry #76 "Butterfly Sandwich On Poem Bread" KT Cat from The Scratching Post provides this inspiring entry. Artist comments here. |
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Entry #75 "Obama in Repose" A photo study by Frenchily-named Floridian Yvette Meunier. "I don't think he's ever looked more regal, but that's just me," Yvette adds.
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There once was a man from ChicagO Endowed with an enormous egO His words do inspire Not Hope, but satire Its Iowahawk, not ObamO Burma Shave |
Entry #74 "Limerick"
From Nantucket poet laureate "Charliefreak" who sez:
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Entry #73 "Uncle Bam Wants You"
M. Harris' parody of the 1917 J.M. Flagg classic. |
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Episode #72 "The Satire Strikes Back" My New York drinking pal and photographer Ian Wilson discusses this swell bit of scifi fantasy art he created for the competition:
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Entry #71 "The Monolith; Or, in Iowa, The Dark Grain Elevator"
Does the monkey represent online mankind? The pipe stupidity? A deeply thought provoking psychedelic Space Oddity from artist Gustav Wolter. |
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Entry #70 "Ceci n'est pas un Empty Suit"
A nifty nod to Magritte by the poetically monikered Rick Shick. |
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Entry #69 "A Man Among Giants"
My corn country homeboy Scott from Cedar River Salmon submits this piece to celebrate my legendary talent for crashing parties. |
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Entry #68 "Deliver Us, Iowahawk" (Composition With Scrap Paper, Paper Clip, and Campaign Sign)
Artist Jim Williamson adds: "Inspired by the works of Piet Mondrian, Robert Rauschenberg, and Colonel Wilhelm Klink." |
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Entry #67 "We Are All Iowahawk! Support Him!"
A timely Public Service Announcement from Harry Bergeron. |
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Entry #66 "Burge in Space"
Paul Binkley atones for his egregious yet talented rule breaking (see entry #64) with a video homage: "Glorious worker apologize for Fairey agitprop previous. People's Education Czar not tell students to read rules. In compensation, glorious worker offer historic documentation of People's Corn Powered Rocket Technology, defeating decadent West." |
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Entry #65 "In a perfect Obama World - Times Square"
Hope and Change meets Blade Runner in this entry from Shirley J. |
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Entry #64 "Variations on a Theme by Shepard Fairey"
Sigh. Apparently some of you just can't be bothered with my specific request no more Shepard Fairey parodies. I will make an exception in the case of Paul Binkley, because his 7 entries seen here are actually amazingly good. (I've emphasized my fave Cthulhu). After this, though, no more. Seriously. I mean it. Stop. |
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Entry #63 "Genius / Supergenius"
A Chuck Jones inspired diptych featuring two dipshits. Artist "Bob" entitles the first one "The One (Haughtius maximus)." |
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Entry #62 "Iowa Hudson Hawk"
From Michigander Margie Wojcik, who sez: "This is a Hudson I think... ["Hudson Hawk" - wasn't that a Bruce Willis movie...] Anyway, did this in Adobe Illustrator years ago. It's been sitting in my hard drive all this time just hoping for the right finishing touch of transformative change." |
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THE FIRST
BOOKE OF THE
IOWA HAWKE. Contayning
THE LEGENDE OF THE KNIGHT OF THE RED ASSE.
A Gentle Knight came pricking 'crost the plaine,Y cladd in mightie Deuce with siluer grille, Wherein old dents of deepe wounds did remaine, The cruell markes of many' a bondo'd fille; Welder till that time did he neuer wield: His angry steede did chide the goosing Pedal, As much disdayning to the curbe to yield: Full iolly knight he seemd, of lucid Mettle, As one for knightly giusts yet fiercer satires fitt. |
Entry #61 "Booke of the Iowa Hawke"
A remarkable entry from "comatus," first stanza of the yet unfinished Middle English epic poem about me and my Deuce coupe. |
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The Battle Hymn of the Obamatons Barack Hussein Obama isthe coming of the Lord! He has taken o’er the banks where all the cap’t’list wealth is stored, He runs all the auto comp’nies save those bastards out at Ford! His lies keep rolling on! Glory, glory, hallelujah! Barack Obama is our ruler! Glory, glory, hallelujah! His lies keep rolling on! I have seen Him at the podium ‘fore a thousand sycophants, They have built Him fine Greek columns lit with million wattage lamps, He creates a carbon footprint like a herd of elephants: Hypocrisy marches on. Glory, glory, hallelujah! Barack Obama is our ruler! Glory, glory, hallelujah! Hypocrisy marches on. |
Entry #60 "The Battle Hymn of the Obamatons"
A respectful ditty for our nation's schoolkids from PGG. The complete piece with all verses can be found here. |
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Entry #59 "Children of the Corn"
A haunting cinematic documentary tribute to me and my beloved home state, lovingly compiled by Jeffrey Heileman. From the artist's note: "A simple film, showing the lowly farm worker exploited by their capitalist masters. To build up my artistic cred, all images, music and videos are shamelessly stolen. Many from you. Now give me my money!" |
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Entry #58 "Poker Face"
I am frequently asked, "why the dog?" As illustrated here by "Uncle the Lew," the answer is simple -- he helps me cheat at cards. |
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David
Lithe youth, that the Florentine genius Youmakemecomecomecome |
Entry #57 "David"
What would an art show be without a controversial bit of explicit ribaldry to shock the bluenoses? This blush-inducing verse comes from a saucy Canadian poetess who asks to be identified only as "Mary." |
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Entry #56 "The New Hawk of Iowa for Obama's America!"
This bold work of Dada-influenced early Stalin agitprop come courtesy Mark Holland of Hatless in Hattiesburg. |
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Entry #55 "The Great Leap Forward"
By the North Stamford Artist's Collective, James Currin Coordinator. Carrot refill ink on photo paper, glossy. |
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Entry #54 "Ceci n'est pas une Iowahawk"
artist John Wollaeger adds, "And this is not really art." But a brief word of congratulations to Mr. Wollaeger for being the first Iowahawk reader to solve one of the secret hidden riddles of DogPipe Guy: the pipe is indeed lifted from Magritte's "Ceci n'est pas une pipe." |
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Entry #53 "Iowahawk Me a River"
Contributing artist "Crusty" elucidates on this urban performance piece: "Me and my kayak-paddling, asshole artist friends, using nothing but black and white food coloring plus several thousand gallons of hobo blood, turned the Chicago River into a political statement! Later at Area 6 Chicago Police Headquarters we made other statements, like “please stop hitting me with the telephone book!” and “the radiator is making my handcuffs hot!” But we were willing to suffer for art. And $33.18 of beer money." |
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Entry #52 "Health Plan"
Readers/artists "a & n" pithily explain: "art!" |
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Entry #51 "Public Service Announcement"
A lyrical poem set to typography from Kevin Kennedy. Slightly bowdlerized for our daintier patrons. |
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Entry #50 "Iowahawk Demands a Fully Established Veterinary System for the Prevention of Epidemics!"
Reader Harry Bergeron knows my passion for healthy animals. |
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Entry #49 "The Birdie on the Windowsill"
An update of Edgar A. Poe by reader Sam Stephens. |
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Entry #48 "The Iowahawk Mikado"
A highbrow reference to Gilbert & Sullivan from "iamfelix" of Trying to Be Thoughtful who explains: "I imagine the noble iowhawk as the humane Mikado himself. Who else in the the blogosphere could be described thus?A more humane Mikado never |
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Entry #47 "Iowahawk's Inferno"
Me and my trailer park posse go straight to h-e-double-hockey-sticks in this Boschian tableau from Nice Deb. |
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Entry #46 "Acornholio"
The Wizard of Oz and Beavis and Butthead get the mashup in this piece submitted by Bridge Mountain. |
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Entry #45 "For a Few Dollars ($33.18) More"
For the full effect of this good-bad-ugly piece by D.B. Killings, view while listening to Ennio Morricone. The artist writes: "There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those with crappy photoshopping skills." |
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Entry #44 (replacing #17): "3:20:39"
Color me embarrassed! I messed up posting entry #17 by contestant/artist James Dial Currin assuming it was a simple jpg image -- when in fact it was a skillful lampoon of the Sotheby's online contemporary art auction catalog, executed in html. Here is the corrected entry (converted to image). My apologies to Mr. Currin. |
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Entry #43: "Pity President"
The lovely and talented (and hard working) Stoaty from S. Weasel sends in this tearjerker:
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Entry #42: "Brutal Afghan Iowahawk"
Another delightfully disturbing piece from Stoaty:
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Entry #41: "The Colossus of Rhodes, Iowa"
Now that's some Dave-cult hagiography! I get the Jolly Green Giant treatment from readers Jim and Cheryl. |
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Entry #40: "Letter from the Brooklyn Museum"
A nifty 8.5"x11" parody suitable for framing from Yakov Shulman. From the artist's notes: "Please find attached a submission to your Art Contest. It is in fact nothing less than a purloined advance publication of the Brooklyn Museum's long-awaited follow-up to its 2000 cause d'celebre exhibition, Sensation, entitled Islamic Sensation: Multicultural Echoes, self-described as 'a collection of sly, subtle and transgressive responses by the world’s leading-edge artists to the post-9/11 reality.'" |
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Entry #39: "Frogus Baueri"
Not sure what this has to do with advancing my radical agenda for America (possible allusion to Glenn Beck?) but I'll let artist Michael Bauer explain: "About a quarter of a century ago I brought my new bride down here to the swamps of Northern Florida. She was born in the Bronx, never been south of the Mason-Dixon Line, and got a "surprise" one morning when a little green tree frog elected to transfer its tiny, little, frosty sticky-toes from inside the rim of the throne to her backside. The shriek was probably heard back in the Bronx! |
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Entry #38: "Don't Tread on Iowahawk"
Via Christopher Johnson at the Midwest Conservative Journal: "Talk about a complete and total lack of anything that might slightly resemble artistic creativity,inspiration or talent even if you'd just polished off half a bottle of plain-label bourbon, I give you "Don't Tread on Iowahawk.'" |
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Entry #37: "Iowahawk Imperator"
Our first video submission by reader Howard Houston. |
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Entry #36: "Hawking Hope"
"I appropriated your logo and L-Obama-ized it with the help of an online program, so I hope your readers will appreciate that lack of skill and creativity that went into this," writes artist Dana Hutchins. Hey, that never hurt Shepard Fairey! |
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Entry #35: "The Last Fundraising Dinner"
The Prez shares some witty anecdotes with the Jerusalem Correspondents Club in this Leonardo riff by reader Dave Lane. |
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Entry #34: "The Circling of Obama" From blog pal and image ninja Serr8d, who writes: "With deep apologies to Goya (as if he's around to care) I present 'The Circling of the Obama'. From a description of the original..."Goya's "Burial of the Sardine" represents the obsequies of carnival... He engraved a world turned upside-down, in other words, the Saturnalia; the donkey, the he-goat, the monkey, the cat, the bat, the crippled, the mad, the hanged, the man skeleton, men-chickens, men sawn in two, flagellants, the tribunals of the Inquisition, nightmares, flying men and bulls, brigands, rapes, tortures, the stake, murders, executions, abandoned children, human sacrifice, cannibals; foetuses, gnomes, giants and dwarfs, sorcerers, devils, spectres, the fates; prostitution, prisons, famine, shipwreck, fire, plague." |
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Entry #33: Untitled
Another fine entry from Johnny Pazzesco (see #23 below). Duct-tape-tastic! |
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Entry #32: "A Toast to the Immortal Dave Burge"
The Bohemian spirit of fin du siecle Paris lives on in this lovely impressionist piece from Miriam of Miriam's Ideas. Well done Miriam, but work on your spelling! "Immoral" doesn't have a t in it. |
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Entry #31: "PBR"
Artist Thomas Merton elucidates:
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Entries #29 and #30: "B.O. Land," "B.O. Bowl"
From reader Christian Hoopes, who writes: "I whipped these up for the art contest. And yes, I have too much free time. The first one is just a typical presidential portrait. The 2nd one was done in honor of the president's special olympics joke." |
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Entry #28: "Waterloo"
Napoleonic art from Walsingham. |
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Entry #27: "$33.18"
This Fairey riff from Kentucky Jim gets right to the point. |
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Entry #26.2: "Creation of Obama by Obama"
Michelangelo meets M.C. Escher in this infinitely recursive image from Walsingham of Jessica's Well.
If you say so, Walsingham. But the image seems to imply that the president is the one in need of endowment. |
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Entry #26: "Pissed Obama"
Blasphemy abounds in Nice Deb's homage to a previous NEA grant-winning masterpiece by Andres Serrano. |
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Entry #25: "Poo Czar"
Via Malcolm Atkinson: "I spotted Barry Levinson's submission to the contest slyly hidden in the film 'Envy.' I've taken the liberty of submitting it on his behalf." |
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Entry #24: Untitled
Joy McCann of Little Miss Attila sends a portrait of herself celebrating the libationally automotive Iowahawk lifestyle.
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Entry #23: Untitled
Johnny Pazzesco from Sono Annoiato goes all Andy Warhol with this Pop Art gallery piece (more here). |
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Entry #22: "Obama's Co-Creation of Adam"
A depiction of God and His partner by M. Harris, who says "I intend to put the $33.18 Grand Prize towards a bottle of single malt scotch." |
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Entry #21: Untitled
A psychedelic paean from ASM826. From the artist's notes:
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Entry #19: "Health Care Bill"
By Roger Williams of Providence, RI, who explains: . |
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Entry #17: "3:20:39"
From James Dial Currin in Connecticut, a piece that actually sold at Sotheby's!
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Entry #16: ""Meniscus Tear"
A painfully personal piece from DC reader Jeff Southmayd:
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Suck-Up Ode to Win $33.18
Who makes people laugh out loud? Coors & Grain Belt! How can morons show their mugs -- So, c'mon people, chant along! When 40 months seem a heavy load Thanks, DB, I'm proud as hell, |
Entry #15: "Suck-Up Ode to Win $33.18"
In the rhyming grade school chant category comes this entry from Minnesotan Susan Vass, who adds:
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Is This for real? A contest? |
Entry #14: ""Is This For Real?"
Pithy poem from Sylvia Plath wannabee Penny Toal. |
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Panderhawk
Oh, Iowahawk! |
Entry #13: "Panderhawk"
Some beautiful pandering prose from reader "Tyrone Slothrop, who provides a description:
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Entry #12: ""Chicken Cannon"
Reader "Win" submits this interactive multimedia piece/messy game, with instructions:
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Entry #11: ""Excess"
From Patrick Byers, who adds:
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Entry #10: ""Mona Obama"
German reader "Art Web" (whom I assume wants his prize money in Euros) submits this 16th-21st century mashup.
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Entry #9: ""Subliminal Presidential Logic"
A conceptual visual-verbal tone poem from Smitty1E at The Other McCain, who explains:
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Entry #8: Untitled
Yours Truly gets the Shepard Fairey ironic Social Realism treatment in this submission from the great milblogger John Tammes. The Lieutenant Colonel (Instapundit's former Afghanistan correspondent) informs me his creative muse was "rum and Diet Coke with Lime." |
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Entry #7 "The Standard Bearer"
From my LA drinking buddy and Big Hollywood colleague (and honest-to-goodness TV writer and producer) Big X who writes:
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Entry #6: Untitled
Via the appropriately named Art Durham, who notes:
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Entry #5: "Hipster POTUS."
Seinfeldian allusions abound in this piece by reader Jaymaster. |
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Entry #4: "Life Inside a Socialist Fish."
Another fine Don Schwartz sculpture. |
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Entry #3: "Al Gore Wins Hairy A-Hole Award."
From Don Schwartz at Won Ton Don, a 3 dimensional mixed media ceramic sculpture. |
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-------------------- Dragster burns rubber Iowahawk resplendent winged patriot soars ------------------- |
Entry #2
From Texan L. Person, who writes: "What better method to proclaim your glory than haiku?" |
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Entry #1 from US Citizen at Traction Control, a stark monochromatic conceptual piece he entitles "Racist Pixel." |