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Kelly the Frog

Dear Rod,

as a ribit-esident of the State of Illinois, or at least the state of illin, I sign here to ensure Burge takes his rightful place in the US Senate.

Oh. and could you send more flies?


Help me. I've added this sick place to my favorites.


Senor Burge:
I contacted the Governor of Illinois as you urged and, surprisingly, he replied by text message. Unfortunately, he indicated that the price was not right and asked if you couldn't lean on your suppoters for an increase.


Rufus T. Firefly



Let's "Surge with Burge."

Illinois could do a lot worse. Look who he'll be replacing.


OJ Simpson

Gov Rod,

The meatloaf here is fantastic. Save you some.

Rich Horton of Ulm

Hey Rod,

Please appoint Mr. Burge to Barry's old seat. Just think of it as step #2 down the road towards your insanity defense.


Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwurstle-gerspurten-mit-tzwei-macheluber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shoenendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of I mean...of Peoria.


Yo Boyobitch, Prove you're not a retarded commie sack of crap with an ugly cow for a wife and appoint Burge.

Then you'll just be a commie sack of crap with an ugly cow for a wife. But you will prove that you are at least one IQ point above "retarded".

Professor Jonathan

Oh, and another thing:

Professor Jonathan

You're becoming indecently funny, Burge.

M. Moehling

Governor, I urge for Burge to rub your butt. Marion mansion will positively beam to have you lubed up by a professional--preserves social cohesion, you know.

Marek, Berlin, Germ..., er, Sangamon, IL

D Wayne Vermeil

Down heah in NAwlins, we laugh orselfs silly bout you shithed small-thinkin nothen pissants. Put Burge in ther, and bring some real can-do whup-ass on the job.

Oh, an I live in Illanois. Now.


So, your not concerned about "the taint"? Haha.

I, the undersigned, do hereby and so forth, yadda yadda.

Andrew Imnotputtingmylastnameontheinternet from "Illinois"


Governor Blowoverbitch -- Appoint Dave. After all, this may be your last chance to stick it to the man before you become a human pin cushion for the boys in lockup. Don't let this limited opportunity pass you by.

Patrick McDonald

Mr. Burge,

I too have decided to throw my bribe, er hat, in the ring for the U.S. Senate seat.

If the incorruptible Governor turns down my request, you have my full support. Until then, may the best man be arbitrarily selected.


Patrick McDonald



Da Burge is one heck ova swell guy. Give'im a shot. Whaddya say?


Son of the South

Dave Burge sent me an e-mail once, so he has to be qualified. I mean, that makes about as much sense as 'Sweet Caroline' being qualified...


John in Morton Grove

We've been screwed so many times by Dick and Rod, we won't even notice dildo Dave. Burge '08!

By the way, can you name three Chicago streets that rhyme with "vagina"?

Paulina, Malvina, Lunt

Lady Cincinnatus

Dear Governor Blagojevich:

Your public image as the dynamic, young, good looking Governor of the Land of Lincoln has certainly taken a hit, but I'm confident that your appointment of Dave Burge to the Senate will help with that. While I can't speak for his youth, good lookingness or dynamism, I can say that his writing of satire is almost heavenly inspired so it could help at press time and during your hearings. How can anyone convict you if they are busy laughing so hard that coffee is shooting out their nose?


Someone who is not a resident of Chicago

Ken Mueller

If you can't do the time
Don't do the crime.

Dave Burge, sometimes known as IowaHawk, would be the funniest guy in Washington DC, which has a lot of funny guys.

gary from jersey

I have flown over Illinois several times and can vouch for this Burge fella. I'm pretty sure he waved at the plane and that makes him a Man of The People.


More Dick is good. Especially in the Senate.

-Robert (who doesn't live in Michigan)


Dear Blago:

To sweeten Dave's offer, I'll send you $20 for your re-election campaign if you appoint him. If you don't, I send you a pack of Kools when you're in the joint. Your choice.

Don't Drop the Soap,

Sioux City, er, Illinois


Dear Governor Blagojevich:

The appointment of Dave Burge to the US Senate seat vacated by Barack the Benevolent would truly be the jewel in the crown of your illustrious career in Illinois politics and unstinting public service.


CB (not a resident of California)


Durbin already equals Dick x 10.... so,

Burge for US Senate.... "The Anti-Dick"


There's your bumper sticker: "Why settle for one Dick in the Senate."


With "Barack to Blago to Burge," Chicago will soon forget "Tinkers to Evers to Chance." Besides, with Burge as Senator, he can guarantee a Cub's World Series. Remember, Illinois can never have enough Dicks for their Senators.

Harry Bergeron

Rod-ney, my man, Blogo, bro'!

Appoint this Burge fellow, and DO IT NOW!
Take the heat off me AND the O'Man, and that's good for you, too, IF you know what I mean. AND no one will ever have to know about that night in Peoria, know what I'm sayin'?

Your Special Brotha,

Rob De Witt

Yo Rod:

As a native of da grate state of Ellanoys, I support da honorable Dave Burge fa da Senate thing.

In closing, remember da motto a da city of big shoulders: "One fa all an all fa one, and fuck 'em if dey can't take a joke."



Mike Porter

Dave, Dave, Dave,

You need to pay attention! Appointment in Illinois (my home state) requires juice. Let Rod know that you have 1,000,000 readers who will each donate $10 to his campaign defense fund and you will be in like Flinn!

Go for it!


I, the undersigned wish to nominate David Burge to fill Barry's Senate Seat.

Mr. Burge, if appointed, would be the token conservative in the US Senate.

Appointing Mr. Burge would assure your place in history.

Think about it, Rod.

resident of the Land Of Lincoln for at least a couple of hours at O'hare once

Melvin Sherwood

I will not give up on Burge for president.

J. Brenner

Ok, congrats on your campaign for his esteemed position and all that, but aren't you forgetting something? Yes, that's right, a bumper sticker contest! How will the people of the great state of Illinois know about your effort to bring them honest representation if you fail to elicit the best campaign slogans from a bunch of guys with too much time on their hands? Once elected, how will you function in your new office without first naming an official Kick-backs and "Campaign Contributions" Coordinator- selected from the previously mentioned group? Obviously, you can't, so get to work!


I'm there, Dave, if you grant me all the carbon credits into perpetuity as may be required to support my speed addiction, to the degree that you can earmark funds annually to support my desire to bring Formula One racing to the USA.




Oh, wait... dammit.


I, the undersigned, support the appointment of Dave Burge to the position of United States Senator for the State of Illinois.

'Sides, just think how that'd tick off those yahoos who wouldn't pony up.

Dan Collins

Dan Collins, who is not a resident of Vermont

Tom Carter

OK, I just fired off my signed petition to Rod, along with a check for $1,000,000.49, which is all I could afford. I'm not a citizen of Illinois, but I forwarded it through ACORN, so that should get the job done.

Thanks for offering yourself for the arduous task of public service.


Dave: your influence is spreading:

Yahoo News
DES MOINES, Iowa – President-elect Barack Obama has selected former Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack to become his agriculture secretary, according to Democratic officials familiar with the selection process.

With this much graft under your belt, you're a shoe-in for Gov of IL.

Boogie Man

Dear Rod:

Do it now, and nobody gets hurt.


Los Angeles, Calif.... I mean, Illinois


Killer satire Dave! Yourlast three posts, Blagojevich's EBay account, your 5 year retrospective, and Presi ... Senatorial bid are satirical genius.

Iowahawk: Speaking Satire to Power!

Keep up the good work,

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