Huzzah! Back home from Paris, thanks once again to the miracle of internal combustion. Appropriately enough I arrived to find my mailbox teeming with entries for the 3rd Annual Iowahawk Earth Week Cruise-In. Because I've been on the road I'm extending the deadline for a spell, for all of those who want to show off your fast / evil / glitzy / wacky / lethal carbon-spewers. Just send pics and info to the email link on the left.
On with the show! When I saw this entry from Perth, Australia's David Archibald, I thought I might dispense with the pretense of a first place trophy contest, and let the rest of you wankers battle it out for second. David writes:
This is my lifestyle. I drive the convertible down to the boat, fire up the two 620 hp turbodiesels then push up a wake that can be detected from space. The fuel tanks are 1,000 litres a side. The engines are marinised Mack truck engines. It is like sitting astride two eighteen wheelers.
Next up, a lingering entry from North Carolinian Freddy Badgett too late for last year's pageant:
My son's big block destroying 65 VW. The car has been 6.44 @108 in the 1/8th mile. Bernoulli's principle, round top, flat bottom, the theory that explains lift of an airplane wing comes into play quickly with a VW."
Here's Adam's nasty lil' Beetle in action, taking out a '57 Chevy:
Another Tar Heel aficianado of German engineering, Sebastian Hagerman, send in his own Teutonic hoopty with multiple types of hippie-alarming firepower:
Here's my contribution to the global Co2 content: a 1981 BMW 535i; 3.5l inline six (8000 rpm redline), Sidepipes running straight from manifold (no Cat) to Flomaster exhaust (loud!) and it gets a whopping 12 mpg! Passenger seat has been removed to make room to carry my Rifle-Case. Holsters mounted inside to carry my sidearm, plus mag carriers.
Scott Wilcox, Veteran Earth Day cruiser and member of Seattle's Desmo Northwest Ducati club, returns:
As a returning contributor to the annual Iowahawk Earth Day Cruise event I present my latest attempt to maximize my use of fossil fuels. Since my three Ducati’s and one KTM only have two cylinders I felt compelled to double the pleasure by obtaining a 4 cylinder MV Agusta F4S 1000. Sporting a grand 150HP plus at the rear wheel it burns through hydrocarbons like there’s no tomorrow. You might call that An Inconvenient Truth! My goal for 2008 is to ride on and offroad, on one of my bikes, at least once a week for the entire year. So far I’m on target to achieve my target. This weekend I’m heading for the Central Oregon Desert in Bend to tear up as much flora and fauna as I can on my KTM 125SX.
Also enjoy life on two wheels is David Kimball, who adds:
2007 Special Construction, reproduction of an H&D FXRS. Loud enough to wake Mother MILF.
Another returning cruise veteran, Paul Hegert, submits another of his stallion-badgers and asks:
Why don't we let Algore suck some of the carbon emissions out of my mint '95 Ferrari F355B?
Hoosier Dave Hagan likes his pony cars with lots of ponies:
Here's my contribution to lower winter heating bills. The 289 was replaced with a 408 stroker, 305/305 cam, Victor Jr. and topped off with an 850 double pumper. I love looking in the rear view to see the black cloud of unburned hydrocarbons when pulling out on to U.S. 30 in the morning.
Hailing from the great northern PC icebox known as Soviet Canuckistan, Steph Fortier owns this Road Runner which has apparently captured the entire Canadian tank fleet:
That's my heap over there. The gold one that is. I've moved north of North Dakota since then, so I gotta do some extra work contributing to global warming. You might want to check www.m4gw.com, Minnesotans for Global Warming. Bah, Minnesota! They don't know how good they have it.
So it's a 1974 Plymouth Roadrunner GTX. The GTX refers to an options package for the roadrunner that year (the GTX as a separate car dissapeared in 1971, I think). Bought it from the first owner, everything matches. 440 CI HP engine. A few mods, but I keep it looking stock. No use bringing undue attention from the constabulary and distract them from where they should really focus, the real road hazard driving four-bangers and Smart Cars.
Lemme see. Edelbrock 750 CFM carb, Edelbrock intake manifold, Comp Cam cams, Hooker headers, flowmaster exaust. Etc, lots of small stuff in addition. No use getting into the weeds about it, it's all comparatively modest modifications, no blower, nitrous, or even a working radio. BUT it sounds great and goes like snot, a real head-turner. Plus, every time I turn it over, a baby seal dies somewhere.
To cap off this batch of entries, Virginian John Lien submits his king-sized Tonka:
Last year, around Earth Day, coincidently, we hired this beast to clear about 10 acres of trees on our place because my wife and I were a little worried that we might be fixing more carbon than we were releasing. The business end of the machine is a hydraulically powered, rotating drum about 2 feet in diameter and 8 feet long studded with carbide teeth. It burns an enormous amount of diesel per 8 hour day, like 150+ gallons (I forgot the exact number) so Mother Earth gets a double biatch slap -plumes of C02 and acres of destroyed trees. What’s not to love?
Indeed! Here are the before and after shots of this beauty in action.
