READING IS FUN-DUH-MENTAL
Huzzah! The new Garage Magazine #14 is on its way to your local Borders / Barnes & Noble / Wal Mart / 7-11. Gracing the cover: the lovely auburn-haired Miss Ember and her strategically placed feathered boa. Inside you'll find my expanded story on Turbonique, the craziest company that ever was. Pick up a copy and impress your friends and neighbors!
THE MIGHTY MAGNETIC DUMBVEE
It's been a couple of blue moons since I've updated you on the status of Operation Dumbvee, the project to cover our friend Doc Lee's Humvee stem-to-stern in refrigerator magnets during his stint in Iraq as a reservist. I have bad news and good news. First the bad news: Operation Dumbvee is no more. Kaput. Cancelled. Filed away and final report written.
Now the good news: Dumbvee Supreme Commander Doc Lee is back home in his beloved Ozarks, perfecting his famous "hair tonic" recipe and treating feud injuries on the local hillbillies. In order to drum up bidness for his medical practice, he's even planning a to build a bone-rattling Pre-Unit Triumph hardtail chopper. Drop by the good Doc's place and welcome him back, and check out his recent turn at TV stardom!
Having the Doc home is all well and good, but cancellation of ODV does leave a void in this site's mission to do surrealistic deeds in support of our nation's fighting men and women. Fortunately, I received a recent email from MMC(SW) Jeffrey Heileman of the Weapons Department G-4 Division, USS Kitty Hawk. Swabby Jeff wrote to offer his steam-powered party boat as a late entry in the our Annual Earth Week Cruise, noting some of its awesome performance numbers:
"Dear Mr. Burge:
Unfortunately, I did not visit your website in time to submit my entry for your “Earthweek Virtual Ride” contest. Still, I think the carbon footprint of my ride is going to be hard to top. Submitted for your approval, the mighty USS Kitty Hawk CV63, the last fossil fuel fired carrier in the fleet.
- Produces over 250, 000/hr lbs of steam/hr per boiler, burning 20,000 lbs of fuel/hr per boiler from 8 Foster Wheeler D type superheated boilers. Add the fuel consumption of the attached air wing and I think you will agree that the Kitty Hawk can suck down the fossil fuel like a drunken sailor sucks down beers.
- If I told you shaft horsepower I would have to kill you, but suffice to say we could easily power a few “flux capacitors”.
- If that’s not enough noxious gas for you, we also go through 12,000 eggs a day in our mess decks.
- A couple of your readers rides may have sported a gun rack with a shotgun or two, but the mighty Hawk carries nine 50-cal machine guns, two Phalanx Close in Weapons Systems (CIWS), and two Sea Sparrow missile systems. Not to mention the tons of bombs, missiles, hand grenades, 9mm and 7.62mm rounds, and various other explosive goodness in the weapons magazines."
Swabby Jeff also notes that his sea-hooptie is quite the babe magnet, as this recent visit from the Seattle Seahawks Cheerleaders attests:
I like the cut of this fellow's jib! I will be consulting with him soon to discuss potential acts of absurdity we can preform for him and his Kitty Hawk shipmates. Your suggestions are welcome, but given the size of the fenders on this one, I'm afraid another fridge-magnet-covering is unlikely.
HEAP(S) OF THE WEEK
A couple of worthy honorees that were also late submissions for the Earth Week Cruise:
When Aussie blogger Steven Williams of Old Misery Guts goes on a 100 mph motorcycle ride, he likes to bring along company. Time to dust off my VHS tape of SIDEHACKERS!
From reader Freddy Badget comes this photo of his son Adam's 100 cubic inch dragstrip terror '65 VW:
Freddy reports that Adam's Bug pulls mid 6's @ 108 in the 1/8th mile. "Pshaw," you say? Roll the tape:
L.A.: LOUSY LEFT TURN BY LATTE LAWYER'S LEXUS LEAVES LAME LEG
The headline writes itself. Our Los Angeles pal Coop had his leg and ginchy Falcon wagon (featured in the recent Earth Week Cruise) radically kustomized the other day, courtesy a negligent Starbucks-sipping ambulance chaser. Click here for the gruesomeness. The car should buff right out, but Coop's broken leg required some serious Bondo work at Earl Scheib. He is resting comfortably at home where a complete recovery (and sweet, sweet lawsuit money) is expected. But I bet the leg itches like the Devil.
THE HOUSE RECOMMENDS
If you like hot rods and customs as much as I do, there are two new sites on the hot rod links that are must-visits. Dutchman Rik Hoving has assembled one of the most comprehensive collections of vintage hot rod and custom images ever assembled. And the online Deadend Magazine, from SoCal brothers Jesus and Juan Espinoza Jr., features some of the most beautiful automotive photography you'll ever see. Warning: click on either link, and expect to stay for hours.
On politics and culture, you'll Some overdue adds to the blogroll: a fine voice from the L.A. sane underground, the ever-enchanting Moxie; Ann Arbor headshrinker and proprietress of the Carnival of the Insanities, Dr. Sanity; Funny stuff from The Nose on Your Face; and The Conspiratorially-named Houston goofball, Lou Minatti.
HAWKEYE HOOSEGOW HONEY OF THE WEEK: PARIS HILTON EDITION
Yes, I know the main reason most of you read these Humpday Dumpday things is for the latest sweetie from the mugshot files of Des Moines' Polk County Jail. Even moreso this week, with Paris "Graybar" Hilton's jail sentence the talk of the town. For my money, Paris can't hold a candle to Corn Country incarcerees like the willowy enchantress Ashley:
This 5'8" beauty with the faraway gaze comes to us courtesy of two charges of forgery and a bonus charge third degree theft, for which she was given bond of $26,000. Congrats Ashley, and here's wishing you beat the rap! And remember - all Hoosegow Honeys are considered innocent until convicted in a court of law!
APRIL HOME MOVIE
Last and least, here's some new action junk from April -- starring Milwaukee's favorite surferrific combo, The Exotics.
