Keep Hope Alive

Reverend Jesse Jackson speaks at a local rally of outraged Iowahawk voters amid the disputed Weblog Humor Awards election

Special Iowahawk Guest Commentary By the Reverend Jesse Jackson

I am here today to make a moral appeal for a thorough investigation – including forensic computer analysis of the machines – in the 2004 Weblog Humor Awards. To recount the vote in the face of so many irregularities and inconsistencies. And for those in charge to count all votes.

Reverend Iowahawk contacted me soon after the evidence of impropriety began. He explained the many problems and irregularities being reported. He assured me his check would clear. I decided I must be involved.

I am here today to speak up for the poor and the young, who stood in line for hours to vote for Reverend Iowahawk, in libraries with few internet terminals, facing resistance from draconian librarians who glared many disapproving looks, only to find that votes were limited to one per machine per day!

Also, they were not allowed to bring food or beverages or animals except seeing eye dogs.

I speak today for those afflicted with mental illness or addiction, millions of whom are today wandering aimlessly through the streets of their cities, climbing through random windows, looking in vain for the "cyberspace" where they can vote for Reverend Iowahawk - only to face the brutal batons of police and a cold jail cell.

I speak today for millions of ordinary confused Americans, who tried desperately to vote for Reverend Iowahawk on their own computers, only to find that it would not accept touchscreen votes.

Before we can ameliorate, we must investigate, and we must agitate. This is no time to exfoliate!

We will march for justice until all the votes are counted, until freedom is achieved, until the final check is cleared.

Take back the Vote!

Down with Dope!

Up With Hope!

Comments

[Winston]

This is rich!

[gymnast]

My Man, the Reverand Al has authorized me to inform you that as a result of your failure to cut him in for a percentage of the plate, he will continue to cast votes to the other contenders in this contest. Even if you are the best humorous blog in the world, you cannot win without the Reverand Al fixin things that you were not taught about at Ottumwa Body and Fender Univ. Remember, if things are crooked, the Reverand Al can straighten them out. That no-count Jesse Jackson couldn't get a plumb line to hang right.

[Eka]

hahahahahaha....

[papertiger]

I remember when Allahpundit and Iowahawk were just big fish in the Little Green Pond. Allah kicked Scrapple ass last year, but couldn't make the cut this year. Rathergate outed him. Too many days breaking character for him to recover the One True God, reaver of worlds, personna he cultivated so successfully last year. Oh and the Crimsom Jihad won the World Series (that aged him).
You made a good showing. Just don't do an Oakland Raider's face-plant next year.

[papertiger]

Dude

You got hosed. Seriously I know what Ott and Frank J. look like. Take it from me, your way funnier looking.
No justice, no peace!

[Jeff G]

Jesse who's this now? Sorry, never heard of the guy.

[bedrocktruth]

I voted Hawk too-"my man"!!

I can't approach some of the pieces you've posted here sir but I hope you'll take the time to check out my blog. A few "Hawk inspired" pieces there might interest you.

"A thinking man's guide to dealing with Theocraphoia" is one I had in mind.

Appreciate any help or comment.

url is in blue above.....

Thanks!!

[mrs mcmuffin]

I have been faithful. Every day I make my pilgrimage to the site and vote Hawk.

Darren, I could never marry a man called Nigel.

[Damian Bennett]

What's become of America? We vote and vote and vote and vote, and still we are denied our desired outcomes. Well, the problem is obvious. Too many confusing choices.

For instance, is there any doubt in anyone's mind, right or left, that had the Hawk been the ONLY candidate proffered there would be an exact one-to-one correspondence between every vote and the expected outcome.

Saddam Hussein had perfected this system so that in an election where even extraterrestials were allowed to vote he netted a tidy 100% of the vote. Unfortunately he was deposed before he could share his method with the world at large. Mr. Castro has yet to perfect his own patented system, which netted him only 96% in the most recent Cuban free-for-all. What a piker.

Plus there'd be no moping or pouting among the worthy also-rans.

(Ah, Hawk, the check didn't clear. Please reissue and tack on the $10 bank penalty. Thanks. Good luck in 2008. I'm in your corner. At the usual rate.)

DGB

[iowahawk]

Glavin!

[iowahawk]

Watch it, Spaceboy Simberg. That Al Gore bit was good... a little _too_ good, kapisce? After consulting with a few of my, er, _associates_ here in Chicago, I think you'd be wise to ixnay the unny-fay.

[Jim Treacher]

With the pulling of the levers and such, hoyyyyyy.

[iowahawk]

Nothing to be embarrassed about, Treacher. Voting for one's self is a natural, healthy activity for easing pent-up tension. I've slowed down since my teens, but I still "slap the pollster" several times a week.

[Rand Simberg]

I think it's time to Move On, Hawk. Just look where this kind of whining got Al Gore.

http://www.interglobal.org/weblog/archives/001856.html

Anyway, I don't know what you've got to complain about--some people (like me) weren't even nominated. Where's the justice?

[Jim Treacher]

You just convinced me to vote. For myself.

Just kidding! I already voted for myself today.

[Darren]

Hey, is Mr. McMuffin's real name Nigel?
I think there really is some ballot stuffing going on. Those top 3 sites do not "rule" at all.
Your survival packet will be in the post imminently.

[basil]

Preach on, brother!