Iowahawk Industries 2004 Annual Report

Dear Valued Iowahawk Stakeholder:

One year ago today, Iowahawk was founded on a core strategic business vision: to drive value to online information consumers, through the creation of strategic information products, and also to get really, really loaded. This key value-vision remains at the heart of the Iowahawk mission-thing.

In reviewing the financial performance of Iowahawk for its first fiscal year, it is critical that investors remember this important long-term value chain, and not get all freaked out about the details of highly misleading statistics like "revenue" or "profit." While Iowahawk fell somewhat short of achieving its initial income forecast of US$4.7 bazillionty, it did so in the midst of a challenging worldwide economic climate.

Specific financial challenges included US currency devaluation. It was thought that this would be offset by an increase in Euro-based revenues, but foreign advertising sales may have been adversely impacted after a June editorial in which Iowahawk referred to France as a "festering gallic mime-hole" and suggested the US resume carpet bombing of Germany.

Unforseen production problems continued to plague Iowahawk throughout the year. Several promising columns were scrapped midway in creation, when Iowahawk associates Kyle and Pedro dropped by with a couple of blunts. We watched Sabado Gigante for a while, then later we piled into the van and headed to White Hen Pantry to get some Doritos. Instead, we ended up stopping at Nickel City to play Mortal Kombat, when Kyle started talking with this one fat chick, but it turned out she had a kid. Anyway, what was I talking about?

It is also important to remember that Iowahawk faced intense competition in FY2004 from low-cost content providers such as Treacher, Ace-of-Spades, Protein Wisdom, and IMAO. Unfortunately, these enjoyed unfair structural competitive advantages, such as talent.

Despite such challenges, Iowahawk achieved several significant milestones during FY2004:

• Revenues broke the $240 barrier, gaining a record 0.0000027% market share of the US$8.8 billion worldwide internet advertising market
• Pageviews topped 523,000, largely thanks to Google searches for "Pabst + oxycontin"
• Launched first 'blog child' spinoff, jesus had a tattoo, aimed at growing Carnival Worker demographic segment
• Earned three free 20 oz. bottles of Pepsi products during "Twist and Win" promotion

To address the difficult challenges In the upcoming fiscal year, Iowahawk management has crafted an exciting new strategic plan to focus on both top-line and bottom-line performance. Disciplined revenue growth will be enhanced through a new $10,000,000 BlogAd price point, and we will act agressively to contain costs through off-shoring punch line production to India, and increased shoplifting.

As we enter this exciting new year of fresh challenges, I encourage you, the Iowahawk stakeholder, to stay the course. Together we will work our way toward the bright promise of financial solvency, while getting really, really loaded. As long as you're buying.

David R. Burge

Chief Executive Officer

Iowahawk FY2004 Consolidated Income Statement

Revenue
	BlogAds	$241.85
	Free beer (15@$1.50)	$ 22.50
	TOTAL REVENUE	$264.35
Expenses
	Cost of Goods Sold
	TypePad	$107.40
	Beer and White Castle for Tim Blair	$ 26.47
	Capital Improvements
	Hula Doll for PC	$ 6.95
	Research & Development
	Pabst, Inc. (10 30 packs@$8.49)	$ 84.90
	TOTAL EXPENSES	$225.72
Net Income before extraordinary item		$ 38.63
	Unused tuxedo for 2004 Weblog Awards	$65
	NET INCOME	$ (26.37)

Statement from Auditor

I have reviewed the above information, and I certify it is information, and also it is above.

Duane Snitker

Duane's While-U-Wait Auditing

Comments

[Will]

I got Kenny for my monitor. Then I got a flat screen. Do you want Kenny for your hula girl?

[Bobo]

Since I bought like $30.00 in blogads, don't I rate a seat on the Board and/or a corner office?

[Jeff G]

I'm going to kill the guy who told me there was coldcut and cheese spread here.

[29]

Now if you just relocated your business BACK to Iowa, a California venture capital firm and Iowa taxpayers will gladly hand over gobs of money. Check mah blog 4 more details.

[Jim Treacher]

Congratulations on not quitting for one whole year. I'll come back and check on 12/13/05.

[George W]

Congrats on your success. Perhaps some of your successfulness will rub off on me. My reader-numbers remain low.
Keep up the good work!
-W

[Anselmo Cardinal Trentino]

Shoplifting is for sissies.

Next year try raping and pillaging.

Best regards,
Ghengis J. Kahn

[mr mcmuffin]

Happy birthday, and I hope you have many more. By the way, you forgot to include the £13.61 ($26.36) you spent on beer and pork scratchings when we met up in London.

[Abu Qa'Qa]

I'm sitting here sucking on a PBR and listening to Webb Pierce sing "There Stands The Glass". I have absolutely no idea how to analyze your financial statements or how I got here or why I'm reading your Blog. My nurse says that I'm waiting for the nice men with the little short bus.

Congratulations on having at least one blog anniversary to your credit. Perhaps if it were written in Farsi you could look forward to a second.

[josil]

i tried to locate your company on the new york exchange and then the penny stock listings. it was available on neither. do you sell stock in iowahawk directly? if so, does it cost anything? alternatively, can i charge you off as a dependent if i contribute to your pabst inventory?

invidiously,
josil

[Matt]

You can't expense capital improvements! You need to go back in, set up a depreciation schedule for the Hula girl (may I recommend 50 years), and expense the depreciation. Bang, your loss narrows by over 25%.

I'll take my audit fees in cash...after all, who the hell would trust a check from a guy who lists beer as both a revenue and an expense.

Keep 'em coming, Iowahawk. Our readers love ya.

[Steve L.]

I'm concerned that you failed to note the free Pepsis in the Consolidated Income Statement. Are you trying to hide something? Is this another Enron? IS that the real purpose of the "blog child?" Is it there to hide assets and debt?

Huh? Huh?

Do we need a Congressional hearing?

[fat kid]

Ain't Sarbanes-Oxley a bitch? Thanks Enron!

Hehe. Great post though...

[Fcabanski]

I got head cheese on my chocolate.

[Anne]

Still too proud to put on a donate button? Might help the bottom line.

[Greg Rogers]

Congrats. You're the best.
Auld lang syne, etc...

[Elliott Spitzer]

We must get together, David.
Very soon.

[Big Al]

At the County Fair this year, the guy with the semi-functional eyeball on his temple was running the Gravitron with a laptop. So there.

[MaxedOutMama]

I'm afraid you forgot the following required paragraph - just cut and paste it to keep yourself out of trouble. It should be placed right after the words "increased shoplifting".

Forward Looking Statements

The Management's Discussion and Analysis of Results of Operations and Financial Condition and other portions of this report contain forward-looking statements within the meaning of federal securities laws. Actual results are subject to risks and uncertainties, including both those specific to the Company and those specific to the industry, which could cause results to differ materially from those contemplated. The risks and uncertainties include, but are not limited to, any statements in the entire report. Undue reliance should not be placed on the forward-looking statements. The Company does not undertake any obligation to publicly update any forward-looking statements. We are telling you are a fool to believe any of these projections and you may not sue us for failing to meet these goals.

[OC Chuck]

Whats with this 'blog child' stuff? I heard you were spawned from LGF. Is this some sort of Amway thing?

[Fred]

Great stuff, Iowahawk.

Here's to another year of free yucks for your readers and increased revenue for you. I can't understand why you would willingly give up the "carnival worker" demographic though. Now that's what the truly upscale advertiser is looking for and, more importantly, willing to pay to reach!

[A.R.Yngve]

May the next year be even more goal-focused and customer-driven. A toast to Iowahawk!

-A.R.Yngve
http://yngve.bravehost.com

P.S.: Please go over the top more, like the Dan Rather piece or "Kmart Buys France". :)

[Ledger Plus]

After new audit:

We have audit the accompanying nonexistent balance sheet of Iowahawk as of December 12, 2004, and the related statements of income, and nonexistent statements of retained earnings and cash flows for the year then ended. These financial statements are the responsibility of the Company's management. Our responsibility is to express an opinion on these financial statements based on our audit.

The company did not make count of its physical inventory of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer inventory in 2004 (or 2003). Further, evidence supporting the cost of property and equipment (the hula doll) acquired prior to December 12, 2004 is no longer valid. The company's records do not permit the application of other auditing procedures to inventories of property (Pasbt Blue Ribbon cans) and other equipment (hula doll) acquired prior to December 12, 2004 is no longer available. The Company's records do not permit the application of auditing procedures to revenue, income, assets, liabilities, or capital.

Since the Company did not take a physical inventories of its Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and we were not able to apply other auditing procedures to satisfy ourselves as to the inventory quantities, or lack there of, of the beer, the scope of our work was not sufficient to enable us to express an opinion on the financial statements, except to say they were humorous. Hence, we do not express and opinion on these financial statements.

Ledger + Plus

(a registered California Service Mark)

[Patton]

Congratulations on the first blogiversary, not that it wasn't to have been easily predicted, just like the next one.