January
1 - Thanks to morbid hangover, Iowahawk mercifully sleeps through Iowa's 31-17 shellacking by LSU in Capital One Bowl
4 - Southern Cal nips Oklahoma in college championship game; victory fails to soothe USC's psychic wounds from Sooner fans' hurtful taunts about "Trojan" nickname
19 - Presidential inauguration ceremony interrupted by masked ninja legal paratroopers from MoveOn.org; ailing William Requist pummels helpless assailants with famed gavel 'El Diablo'
30 - Iraqi elections marred by lack of good network video graphics
February
6 - Pittsburgh edges Green Bay in Super Bowl XXXIX; Steelers' big win overshadowed by controversial John Madden 'wardrobe malfunction'
14 - Annual Valentine Day arrest of rabbit-weilding Maureen Dowd outside Michael Douglas mansion
27 - 'Passion of the Christ' wins special film industry Oscar for "inspiring Hollywood messiah complex"
March
2 - Clarence Thomas nominated as Chief Justice of Supreme Court; axe handle- wielding Patrick Leahy blocks courthouse door, vows "centrism today, centrism tomorrow, centrism forever"
20 - Keith Olbermann takes over CBS anchor desk as retiring Dan Rather announces plans to buy Kinko franchise; CBS News chief Andrew Hayward says 60 Minutes internal investigation due out "any year now"
26 - Thomas hearings delayed as nominee chased from chamber by firehoses, ACLU German Shepherds
April
5 - New DNC chairman Howard Dean announces official party name change to "Progressive Berserkers"
15 - Massive layoffs feared at Minneapolis Star Tribune after hostile takeover by Powerline
18 - Saddam Hussein convicted of crimes against humanity; Kofi Annan offers space in UN "Scared Straight" deliquent dictator program
23 - Barry Bonds passes Ruth with 17th homer; torso explodes
May
2 - Barry Bonds caps amazing comeback by winning Kentucky Derby; pays $18.50-$12.20-$6.40
18 - Oliver Stone kicks off summer movie blockbuster season with release of "Alexander 2 - Electric Boogaloo"
22 - Martha Stewart appears on Today Show interview sporting teardrop tattoo, spurs homemaker fashion craze
June
4 - Champion Indiana Pacers hospitalize 350 spectators in NBA Finals
7 - Minivans break 9 second quarter mile barrier as rising summer gasoline prices prompt motorists to switch to nitromethane
21 - citing desire for "meaningful life," Paris Hilton takes vows as Benedictine nun, inks deal with Fox for new summer reality series "Nasty Habits"
July
2 - Violence mars opening of new Filene's Basement in Bagdhad as local insurgent women battle for closeout bargains
11 - National heatwave as temperatures soar into the 80s and 90s; global warming, angular earth rotation suspected
20 - Iraq descends into chaos as I-25 construction, HOV lanes snarl Basra morning commute; Rumsfeld blamed for lack of Morning Zoo Crew traffic copters
August
5 - Europe descends into chaos as Speedo factory strike threatens traditional 12-week vacation season
9 - Violence wracks Iraq as US Marines battle insurgent Reuters staffers in Fallujah
22 - Crawford, Texas scene of mass suicide, as dozens of reporters self-immolate to protest covering annual Bush vacation
September
10 - Ohio State dismisses entire football team, band in wake of bribery-necrophilia-anthrax scandal; plucky OSU subs Jim Tressel and Andy Geiger fall to Texas, 35-17
11 - HBO commemorates fourth anniversary of 9-11 with 'Sex and the City' marathon
24 - Michael Moore's 'Sicko' bombs at box office, as blue state audiences flock to rival docu-comedy 'Jihadi R Us' by hot new critical darling Osama bin Laden
October
4 - League leading Chicago Cubs eliminated from NL race after Wrigley Field consumed by mysterious moaning anthropomorphic mist; manager Dusty Baker dismisses "curse" talk
17 - Disappointing attendance at Oktoberfest after Germany's new Islamic coalition government announces death fatwah against beer drinkers
30 - Yankees defeat Mets in subway World Series, $186,000,000 to $112,000,000; nobody west of the Hudson River gives a shit
November
6 - Senator Hillary Clinton announces exploratory committee for 2008 Presidential bid, names new team of eunuchs to bear gilded sedan chair
19 - The undefeated #1 Iowa Hawkeyes vault into the national championship game with a 49-3 drubbing of Wisconsin; later, my 'shrooms wear off
28 - Chicago marks 500th homicide of the year, renewing calls for US withdrawl from Illinois quagmire
December
11 - Dow breaks 12,000 on 5.2% unemployment rate; women, children, minorities hit hardest
19 - NY Times reports secret US military torture camp at Guantanamo Bay for spyware and spam programmers; Bush approval rating rockets to 93%
31 - Iowahawk gets to work on morbid hangover
Classic! Nice job. You forgot one entry for November 12th: 6-0 start for Bronchial Statue's beloved Purdue Boilermakers whittled down to another disappointingly mediocre season. Outback Bowl, here we come (again)!!!
Posted by: Bronchial Statue | January 05, 2005 at 01:38 PM
CURSES! I was going with more or less the same idea, year in pre-view, on my site. My predictions were mostly different, however, so I won't feel too bad... Great post, as always!
-W
Posted by: George W. Knox | January 03, 2005 at 04:07 PM
You're off to a bad start on your predictions (Iowa 30, LSU 25); but you should be happy.
Posted by: profligatewaste | January 01, 2005 at 09:10 PM
I like the dec 19 event. We really need to start on that. I think we could treat spammers, spyware producers, and virus producers as cyberterrorista and threaten war on sundry small island nations if they don't start extraditing. If anyone complained they would probably meet their fates at the hands of lynch mobs.
Posted by: CCR | January 01, 2005 at 03:55 PM
jay:
meet ya back here after the game. winner gets to say nyah nyah nyah :)
Posted by: sj | January 01, 2005 at 02:01 PM
Beat Oklahoma! The sooner, the better!
Posted by: Jay | January 01, 2005 at 12:31 AM
hey, ih. whaddya mean, usc nips oklahoma? obviously your hangover confused you, although you are entirely right about hurtful comments part.
Posted by: sj | December 31, 2004 at 04:11 PM
Hey Iowahawk, you're Yankees/Mets score is a little outdated. Yankees now projected at $236m for the season...
Posted by: MIke | December 31, 2004 at 12:14 PM
I hate Iowahawk, because he is funnier than I am. Someday, when my ninja robot warriors are debugged, I will deploy them against all blogs funnier than mine, and I shall rule the world!
Or at least the funny part of the world.
Posted by: Robert | December 30, 2004 at 11:50 PM
Iowahawk for President!
Posted by: Abu Qa'Qa | December 30, 2004 at 09:02 PM