The controversy over ABC News' handling of a new Al Qaeda video tape intensified tonight, after internet sleuth Matt Drudge reported that the masked man issuing terror threats on the tape has been verified as dapper ABC News Anchor Peter Jennings.
The identification of Jennings is the latest twist in an imbroglio that began Wednesday, after Drudge reported that ABC was holding an Al Qaeda tape that threatened massive election terror attacks on Americans.
"In our next segment: was September 11 only the beggining? God willing, the streets of America are aboot run red with blood," a hooded man warns over staccoto military music, before cutting to a Metamucil commercial.
Sources inside the ABC News division initially said that to avoid affecting voters, they were withholding broadcast of the tape until after Tuesday's presidential election. After a hailstorm of criticism they later forwarded the tape to the CIA for voice analysis.
While the tape was still being analyzed, Drudge reported Thursday that ABC had withheld a 15 minute portion in which the hooded man specifically threatens to behead President Bush, Vice President Cheney, anyone who votes for them, and Fox News anchor Brit Hume.
"You are guilty, guilty, guilty, you are a tool of Bush and Cheney, you're as guilty as Rumsfeld and Ashcroft, you will always be second in your time slot on basic cable," the man shouts. "'Fair and balanced,' my ass."
The man continues to warn that "Wal Marts will be stacked to the ceilings with the corpses of stupid angry white NASCAR Bush hicks, and Roger Ailes' Nielsen ratings will be soaked in the blood of a thousand O'Reillys."
After details of the new segment were leaked, an anonymous ABC source said that it was important that the network "strike an ethical journalistic balance."
"If we release this tape details, sure, maybe it will save a couple thousand shoppers at a mall in Texas, but on the other hand it might tip one or two percent to George Bush in a close election," she said. "I'm sure you can appreciate our moral conundrum."
The controversy broke even wider tonight after Drudge reported that ABC had withheld a further 11-minute tape excerpt that shows the man removing his hood, revealing longtime ABC Evening News anchor Jennings.
Apparently unaware of the rolling camera, he is joined by Nightline host Ted Koppel and This Week host George Stephanopoulos, and the three are seen debating what appear to be competing weekend attack plans against Bush.
"I say we carry out the operation during his ESPN interview," urges Stephanopoulos. "The ESPN crew are jackals, but they are owned by the organization. One word from the Disney board, and the deed is done!"
"Dog!" Replies Koppel. "Why should we heed your feather-cut foolishness? Your ratings are beneath a Windsor Pilates infomercial! I say we lure him into a soft-focus interview with Barbara Walters. He will be within the swath of my scimitar, God willing!"
After an intense argument with wild gesticulation, Jennings convinces Koppel and Stephanopoulos to adopt a third plan to attack Bush during his scheduled Saturday appearance on Univision's Sabado Gigante.
"Our brothers in ABC Wardrobe have located three mariachi disguises for us, with matching sombreros," says a gleeful Jennings. "We will approach the infidel pig undetected, during the conga dance."
A spokesman for ABC News defended the latest tape revelation, and blamed Drudge for a serious breach in journalistic ethics.
"Look, this is just not something a legitimate news organization throws out there in the middle of an election," he said. "Running unconfirmed gossip like this is not a victimless crime."
"I think Matt Drudge owes ABC News an apology," he added. "Not only did he steal our story, he ruined our element of surprise."
damn, there goes another keyboard
Posted by: bucalhau | October 29, 2004 at 11:10 AM
I question this story.
If it was indeed Peter Jennings on the tape, then shouldn't the initial analysis identified the speaker as Canadian? Jennings might be a U.S. citizen now, but for most of his life he was a Canadian citizen, and occasionally he favors the Canadian pronunciation of certain terms.
On the other hand... does Charlie Gibson have an alibi?
J.
Posted by: Jay Tea | October 29, 2004 at 03:54 AM