WASHINGTON - Lauding his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry as "sexy, saucy, brilliant", John Kerry kicked off a new issue campaign that aids say will highlight the "sexiness gap" between him and president George W. Bush.
"When it comes to entwined lovers in the White House, America faces a stark choice," said Kerry, 60. "On one path lies a Republican future of darkened lights, granny panties and missionary positions. On the other, a bold, sexy vision of presidential love that isn't afraid of interesting appliances and oils, and isn't afraid to consult foreign advice like the Kama Sutra."
Kerry declared that "America deserves a White House as cheeky and sexy as itself," and angrily challenged White House political director Karl Rove to "stop questioning my sexiness."
When asked about her husband's remarks during a taped interview for CBS Evening News, Heinz Kerry giggled that "oh I'm cheeky, I'm sexy, whatever," and returned the complement to Kerry.
"Oh, you should see John at Baden-Baden or Marienbad, strolling around the spa," she explained. "Every countess from Lichtenstein to Monaco is hungrily eyeing his shimmering Speedo, but I know he's coming home -- because only Madame Teresa can give bad little boys like John Kerry the special discipline they need."
When visibly ill reporter Byron Pitts remarked that "I mean, like, aren't you like 78 years old or something?" Heinz Kerry replied that "age is merely a state of mind."
"I've got a lot of life inside, and intend to keep it interesting and lubricated," she said. "Between Botox and annual trips to Switzerland for synthetic blood replacement, I expect to be naughty and sexy and cheeky well into my 300's."
well I am trying to diet and this post makes it easy to not want to eat and easy to want to throw up...
Posted by: fatty weight loss | June 19, 2004 at 11:52 PM
GOD!
i may never touch another bottle of ketchup again!
Who ever posted this is now responisble for my therapy sessions!!
Posted by: Doc | June 19, 2004 at 07:24 AM
Not that I usually agree with John Kerry, but as my wife pointed out, there is some sense to referring to Ter-Ay-sa as "saucy," given that her name is Heinz, and she has 57 personalities.
Posted by: Brian B | June 16, 2004 at 12:46 PM
To quote Lisa Simpson: "Soooo.... c-c-cold...."
Posted by: strider | June 16, 2004 at 10:13 AM