Eurosophisticates lay egg at constitution confab:
BRUSSELS, Belgium - The European Union's effort to seal its first-ever constitution collapsed Saturday, after leaders could not agree on the best way to divvy power once the bloc adds 10 new members next year.
No word on how the lunch tab was figured. Leaked:
DRAFT EUROPEAN CONSTITUTION
PRERAMBLE.
We the intellectuals of the European Union, in order to create a more docile bourgeois, establish subsidies, insure domestic rail service, provide for the general Moroccan immigrant community, promote the regional autogyro industry, and secure comfortable holiday accommodations in Ibiza for ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the European Union.
ARTICLE I
Section 1. All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a dazzling committee of the Avant Garde, which shall consist of a “Sartre” and “House of Foucaults.”
Section 2. The House of Foucaults shall be composed of members appointed, bicentennially, by a blue-ribbon panel of the Societe Internationale de Jerry Lewis.
Section 3. The Sartre of the European Union shall be composed of an equal number of representatives, appointed by the The Sartre of the European Union. Or will it? Pff. Life, it is so absurd.
Section 4. A fully-staffed chateau, along with a Chauffeur, will be provided.
Section 5. And also a clean, late-model Mercedes, with the dark window-tinting.
AMENDMENTS
I. The Intellectuals shall make no law disrespecting the establishment of Sharia, for this is surely going to set off some Imam, and the whole business could become quite nasty. Also, there will be a 11.62% VAT on television equipment to ensure freedom of the BBC.
II. A well regulated lumpenprole being necessary to the security of the EU Staff, the right of Chauffeur to gun the Mercedes through mobs of angry protesters shall not be infringed.
III. Ajax Amsterdam supporters shall receive hovercraft vouchers to trave to European Cup matches in Denmark.
IV. EU Municipalities shall strictly adhere to the provisions of the 2001 Maastricht Accords on Metric Dog Poo Reporting.
V. All EU children shall have the right to free public education, from age 5 through year 48.
VI. All EU citizens shall receive free health care.
VII. All EU airport security guards shall receive free tasers, in order to subdue escaping doctors.
VIII. Site nation of the “Euro Song Competition” will rotate alphabetically among member states, starting with Luxembourg, and will be hosted by Johnny Halliday.
IX. Cows of EU dairy operations have full rights to heated teat-graspers, and barn music from Kraftwerk.
X. Your Amendment Here! Call 1-800-ELF-AQUITAINE
-barn music from Kraftwerk
heh
Posted by: L D Havoc | December 15, 2003 at 12:18 PM
No way is that the European Constitution. It isn't 500,000 pages long and it doesn't make you fall asleep by page 2.
Posted by: A | December 14, 2003 at 06:49 AM
A daily dose of your posts isn't enough...
Oh, and a major news update: Saddam Hussein captured.
Posted by: Chris | December 14, 2003 at 06:17 AM
About this lawn darts. Is there a club or a group I can contact?
Good to see a good man having a go.
P.S Please be nice to the Europeans they are our friends and allies you know.
Posted by: youcancallmemeyer | December 14, 2003 at 06:03 AM
The E.U. stands for elastic underpants. They try to stretch and stretch as far as they can to accomodate Islamofascism, but it only causes gangrene to their legs, forcing them to apply a tourniquette and amputation to save what remains of their intelligence.
Posted by: Saskatchewan Yetti | December 14, 2003 at 05:53 AM
Good old International Harvester, I used to drive an H and a Carryall, reliable ,reliable!!
Came here to look around at Charles suggestion (Worship it) and I like the linkage and the bare bones simplicity, glad I come visit.
Posted by: torchy | December 14, 2003 at 04:13 AM
Finally, a blog that's all iowahawk all the time.
Posted by: Geepers | December 14, 2003 at 01:09 AM
gawd--you really look like your from iowa--circa 1950--nice brush cut dude--very dave garroway--congrats and good luck--all the mongols salute you
Posted by: HULUGU | December 13, 2003 at 11:18 PM
Comrade Iowahawk,
Your weakening of the proletariat spirit does not escape this ever observant politburo observer.
While your consideration for the health of escaping doctors is admirable, given the current state of of trauma care in the people's hospitals, the ever treacherous and dangerous bourgeois attitude that you seek only to 'tase' in your blog, but 'gun down' in your LGF post is a sign of possible party disloyalty.
Observe:
your blog: “VII. All EU airport security guards shall receive free tasers, in order to subdue escaping doctors.
Lgf’s ‘blog’: VII. All EU airport security guards shall receive free guns, in order to subdue escaping doctors.
Remember comrade, the next party purge is just weeks away!
Commissioner out.
Posted by: High Commissioner Rouberstomp | December 13, 2003 at 11:04 PM
Hey! Where are the archives? You CAN'T not provide access to the Krugman piece. YOU CAN'T!!
WHOOPDI DOO! YOU GO DUDE!
Posted by: grayp | December 13, 2003 at 10:38 PM
Congrats, enjoy your "just found"updates.
Keep searching those Euro trash boites!
Posted by: Big L | December 13, 2003 at 10:37 PM
"VI. All EU citizens shall receive free health care.
VII. All EU airport security guards shall receive free tasers, in order to subdue escaping doctors."
ROTFLMGMO!
Posted by: Korora | December 13, 2003 at 10:22 PM
Ize wentz 2 publik skool, kant youze tells?
"amongst it’s people" should be "its", sorry.
Posted by: LifeLibertyPofHappiness | December 13, 2003 at 10:05 PM
The only constitution in human history to cause fear and anguish amongst it’s people as opposed to hope and feelings of optimism. Brought to you by the makers of constant wars, religions oppression, Nazism, socialism, communism, vinchyism, and the most dastardly of all words, "surrender monkey"
We've dug these people out of enough holes, unlike grandpa, I aint willing to save them again.
Posted by: LifeLibertyPofHappiness | December 13, 2003 at 10:03 PM
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHaWWWWW, dude!
IF you build it, they will come.
Posted by: Bleeding heart conservative | December 13, 2003 at 09:42 PM
this calls for a link.
Posted by: rumcrook | December 13, 2003 at 09:37 PM
That can't be a real EU constitution. You know what tipped me off? There's no right to one month paid holiday.
Posted by: Papertiger | December 13, 2003 at 09:22 PM
I'm glad the site's finally up, iowahawk! Congratulations! I'm bookmarking you, and looking forward to lots of laughs in the future! See you at LGF!
Posted by: mickthemick | December 13, 2003 at 08:17 PM
You likey? I stole it from Raymond Loewy.
Posted by: iowahawk | December 13, 2003 at 07:15 PM
Your logo's pretty sweet too.
Posted by: evariste | December 13, 2003 at 07:02 PM
Hey, Congrats!
Posted by: Ms. Andi | December 13, 2003 at 07:00 PM