Profiles in Gullibility: A Contest!

Tim Blair reports that Guardian antiwar intellectual colossus Polly Toynbee has fallen victim to a Nigerian email hoax, admitted it in print, and concludes George W. Bush is to blame:

We reap from the third world what we sow: if some Nigerians learned lessons in capitalism from global oil companies that helped corrupt and despoil that land, it is hardly surpising they absorbed some of the Texan oil values that now rule the White House.

In the apparent fear that there would be some remaining doubt as to her stupidity, so she also helpfully provided her own email address. Thanks, Pol! You have inspired the very first

IOWAHAWK READER CONTEST #1: BILK THE GUARDIAN COLUMNIST

Rules

1. Compose your own Nigerian scam email to Polly at [email protected]

2. Post a copy in the comment section.

3. Winner is determined by the largest bank wire transfer scammed, measured in Euros.

4. Grand Prize: One day all-expense-paid trip to Ottumwa.

5. Eligilbilty: Open to all Coalition of the Willing residents 21 years or older. Employees, family, friends, pets and houseplants of Iowahawk Heavy Industries Ltd or its affiliated sweatshops are not eligible.

=================
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]

Re: IMPORTANCE OF OPPORTUNITYS PLEASE

HELLO HONORABLE GUARDIAN OPINIONING JOURNALIST OF ANTI-WAR ACTIVISMS, MY NAME IS THE HONORABLE EZEKIEL MBUTO, ESQ., OF LAGOS AND I FORTHWITH WRITE TO YOU WITH A SECRET OFFER OF OPPORTUNITY-IMPORTANCE. I AM TO BE THE OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIONER OF MY DEPOSED UNCLE, GENERAL PATRICK BONGAMBO, HOLDER OF VAST NIGERIAN PLATINUM RESERVES. HE WAS UNFORTUNATELY DEPOSED BY ACCURSED UNITED STATES CIA OPERATIVERS WHO DEVIOUSLY AND FALSELY ACCUSED HIM OF SELLING YELLOW-CAKE URANIUMS TO IRAQ, FOR SEXING-UP UNITED NATIONS WAR-ARGUMENTING.

MY FINE UNCLE WOULD NOW VERY LIKE MUCH TO BE CONTRIBUTIVE OF POUNDS STERLING TO THE CAMPAIGNINGS OF DOCTOR HOWARD DEAN, TO UNSEAT ILLEGAL WAR COWBOY BUSH. THUS HE SHALL BE IN RETURN OF HIS RIGHTFUL POWER SEAT IN LAGOS. HE REQUESTS YOUR ASSISTMENT IN THIS ENDEAVOUR. PLEASE BE OF REQUEST THAT YOU WILL BE SENDING YOUR ROUTING-BANK NUMBERS QUICKLY, AS TO STOP THE BUSH NEOCON WARMEN IN AMERICAN RE-ELECTIONS.

YOURS IN SINCERITY,

THE HONORABLE EZEKIEL MBUTO, ESQ.
439 MORON WAY
SUITE 21-A
LAGOS, NIGERIA E4G

Comments

[CCR]

Um, I suspect that this isn't entirely legal, at least not if she falls for one.

[Alan E Brain]

For reasons why I say that, read
http://aebrain.blogspot.com/2003_12_21_aebrain_archive.html#107206600144030910

[Alan E Brain]

Not a contest entry.

In Defence of Polly Toynbee.
Apart from being ignorant, racist, and Daft, she has some other qualities, like compassion, rationality and courage.

[McGehee]

Dear Ms. Toynbee,

All my adult life I have been a proud member of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. However like all right-wingers I am greedy and unscrupulous, and I have my price.

Please send me $100 billion in small, unmarked bills, and I will change my loyalties, and maybe even contribute some of the proceeds to Mr. Soros's lifelong dream of defeating George W. Bush for re-election.

Honest I will.

[Geepers]

Dear Ms. Toynbee,

Please find enclosed a copy of the dry cleaning bill for my suit and tie, incurred during a political debate when your name was mentioned as a source.

Your prompt response is appreciated.

[JorgXMcKie]

As a former denizen of western Illinois, I know Ottumwa fairly well, and I kinda like it (nice people, you know). I sure hope you're not going to muck it up by letting Polly Toynbee have any connection whatever with it. I won't enter the contest until you assure me I won't have to share Ottumwa with Toynbee.

[Bill]

Hahaha! Korora, you just made my morning.

[Korora]

Hello. I am an Uruk of Mordor dispossessed by that vile oppressor Tar-Elessar, aka Aragorn. Please give me a million gold pieces to help us get our land back. Thanks.

Shagrat

[spudhead]

Ms. Honorable Toynbee,

I would like very much to our acknowledgement that you have allowed thanks in your heart the opportunity to help a formerly fabulously wealthy Nigerian Prince. My money, so much money, has been put in something called an algore lock box. Forced there, as you know, by peoples of the Texans persuasion. You, madame, can fully understand how horrible it is to have millions of kwanzaas lifted by evil persuasion Texans. With your help, we can liberate these moneys, and free some of them to fight the imperialistic United States overlords that oh so threaten your well bing and ours, Ms. Toynbee. Not all will go for such efforts. Many money will come to you also – so much you can buy new things many times. Please join me in our fight against buckarhoos – and send me your bank routing address.

[papertiger]

are cap locks essensial? my semi literate writing style comes off as more convincing if i forget caps altogether. anyway here goes.

dear m. toynbee,

my uncle abrahim is currently incarcerated in the infamous guantanamo. my family is poor and desperate but we love our uncle. he is the hero of the village, a true freedom fighter. i have learned that guantanamo prisonners status will be changed due to the over ruling of the cowboy immoral suspention of legal recourse for detainees. I see by your writing that m. toynbee is a champion of human rights. that is why i am writing you to request 200 to help pay for my uncles defence team. make check payable to (couldn't think of a good arab name to insert here)
a thousand thank yous in advance
allah akbar,

[madne0]

And you know what's REALLY sad? She's probably going to fall for it...

PS: Not posting anything since i'm under 21 :D ;)