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Um, I suspect that this isn't entirely legal, at least not if she falls for one.

Alan E Brain

For reasons why I say that, read

Alan E Brain

Not a contest entry.

In Defence of Polly Toynbee.
Apart from being ignorant, racist, and Daft, she has some other qualities, like compassion, rationality and courage.


Dear Ms. Toynbee,

All my adult life I have been a proud member of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy. However like all right-wingers I am greedy and unscrupulous, and I have my price.

Please send me $100 billion in small, unmarked bills, and I will change my loyalties, and maybe even contribute some of the proceeds to Mr. Soros's lifelong dream of defeating George W. Bush for re-election.

Honest I will.


Dear Ms. Toynbee,

Please find enclosed a copy of the dry cleaning bill for my suit and tie, incurred during a political debate when your name was mentioned as a source.

Your prompt response is appreciated.


As a former denizen of western Illinois, I know Ottumwa fairly well, and I kinda like it (nice people, you know). I sure hope you're not going to muck it up by letting Polly Toynbee have any connection whatever with it. I won't enter the contest until you assure me I won't have to share Ottumwa with Toynbee.


Hahaha! Korora, you just made my morning.


Hello. I am an Uruk of Mordor dispossessed by that vile oppressor Tar-Elessar, aka Aragorn. Please give me a million gold pieces to help us get our land back. Thanks.



Ms. Honorable Toynbee,

I would like very much to our acknowledgement that you have allowed thanks in your heart the opportunity to help a formerly fabulously wealthy Nigerian Prince. My money, so much money, has been put in something called an algore lock box. Forced there, as you know, by peoples of the Texans persuasion. You, madame, can fully understand how horrible it is to have millions of kwanzaas lifted by evil persuasion Texans. With your help, we can liberate these moneys, and free some of them to fight the imperialistic United States overlords that oh so threaten your well bing and ours, Ms. Toynbee. Not all will go for such efforts. Many money will come to you also – so much you can buy new things many times. Please join me in our fight against buckarhoos – and send me your bank routing address.


are cap locks essensial? my semi literate writing style comes off as more convincing if i forget caps altogether. anyway here goes.

dear m. toynbee,

my uncle abrahim is currently incarcerated in the infamous guantanamo. my family is poor and desperate but we love our uncle. he is the hero of the village, a true freedom fighter. i have learned that guantanamo prisonners status will be changed due to the over ruling of the cowboy immoral suspention of legal recourse for detainees. I see by your writing that m. toynbee is a champion of human rights. that is why i am writing you to request 200 to help pay for my uncles defence team. make check payable to (couldn't think of a good arab name to insert here)
a thousand thank yous in advance
allah akbar,


And you know what's REALLY sad? She's probably going to fall for it...

PS: Not posting anything since i'm under 21 :D ;)

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