Another Earth Week Cruise-In completed, another awe-inspiring cornucopia of carbon. This year's edition was another record breaker with over 100 entries covering land, sea, air and even space. And now, for the most difficult task of all: deciding who will wear the crown, and the 1 Trillion official Iowahawk Carbon Credits thereto appurtaining.
After painstaking alcohol-fueled deliberation, the jury has made its selection. Without further ado, it is my pleasure to present (drumroll please) the 2011 Iowahawk Earth Week Cruise-In Grand Champion Carbonator:
For the third consecutive year, our champion comes as a surprise outside nomination - following President Obama (2009) and Mother Earth (2010). Several readers nominated Mr. Obama to retake the crown, while others pleaded that perennial also-ran Al Gore was long overdue. Australian readers appeared equally split between carbon taxin' Prime Minister Julia Gillard and Down Under's bargain basement Al Gore, Tim Flannery.
Worthy nominees all, but I chose instead to select Mr. Cameron for his amazing feats of carbonation above and beyond the call of duty. Just a few scant years ago our boy Jimmy was just another face in the movie mogul crowd, pounding the mean streets of Hollywood looking for financing for his crazy dream of a $300 million 3-D cartoon Smurf Opera. And boy howdy, did that corporate anti-corporate ecostravaganza pay off handsomely - to the tune of $760 million! How? By convincing millions upon millions of suburban burghers to load into their SUVs and drive to the local AMG DodecaPlex for an $11 celluloid nature sermon in widescreen 70 mm Dolby THX Surround Sound (Junior Mints not included).
Lucky for Jimmy, too - because he has a whole fleet of thirsty vehicles to feed at his 12 zillion acre pied-a-terre in the California hills, where he continues to rail on the evils of capitalism atop a custom throne hewn from pure unobtanium. Not Evil, Just Wrong explains:
Congrats, 2011 champ James Cameron - once again you are KING OF THE WORLD!