Sunday April 17: Ladies and gentlemen, start you engines! It's time once again for the Iowahawk eco-activism community to greet the gentle breezes of Spring, stomp the throttle and embrace the ultimate MILF: Mother Earth. Welcome to the 6th Annual Earth Week Cruise-In, where my readers proudly display how they get their carbon freak on, vehicular-wise; and not a moment too soon, judging by the snow I witnessed in Chicago yesterday. For the next 7 days I'll be frequently updating this post with entries, reverse chronological style, and I'm predicting we'll top last year's barn-burner.
Own a previously unfeatured CO2-spewer worthy of this showcase? send pics, YouTube links etc. and a pithy description to the email link on left with the subject line "2011 Earth Week" (deadline Saturday April 23). Onward into the carbon fog!
Update April 24
And that's that! Sorry folks, the deadline has passed so you'll have to wait another lap around the sun for the next installment of the Earth Week Cruise-In. A zillion thanks to all who participated and made this one the best yet. Check back tomorrow for the announcement of our 2011 Grand Champion, and the winner of 1 Trillion official Iowahawk Carbon Credits!
A few more who sneaked in under the midnight submission deadline:
Like a cherry on top of a 8-scoop carbon-cream sundae comes this Texas Chainsaw Cadillac from artist / fiddler / all-around Renaissance Man Doug Moreland that visually sums up the greatness of the United States of America:
"I have Cattlelac's Chainsaw Art Gallery down here in Manchaca, Texas. Just south of south Austin. That's my me and my wife, not sure where my dog is but she is usually with me too. I like what you're doing, keep it up."
Phewww! As an Iowa farm boy, I was left despondent by the complete lack of tractors in this year's cruise - but Virginia's Richard Kennedy comes to the rescue:
"You were kind enough to post our photo for Earth Week 2010, and it looks like we are the only tractor again this year. I feel that I gots to represent. We were out farmin' some carbon today with the newest addition to our little stable--joining the leaded gas-chugging Allis B is the diesel-burning John Deere 3032E. Gives that fresh mountain air of SW Virginia that something special!"
M.C. Reilly, who previously submitted a lovely tire fire (see yesterday's update), sends a snapshot of the truck that made it possible:
"140 mile daily commute in my tacoma is only the start, this rig was instrumental in transporting supplies for the earth day tire fire."
Update April 23
As we enter our last day of the Earth Week Cruise-In (get those entries in!), let us look back in pride at all we've accomplished. When the first cruise debuted in 2005, the infallibly scientifical climate scientists of the UN Environmental Programme released a dire report warning that the Earth would be inundated with 50 million climate change refugees by 2010. I am happy to report that 2010 has come and gone and we have miraculously avoided that scientifically preordained fate. The only possible explanation: the Iowahawk Earth Week Cruise-In. You're welcome, non-refugees!
Now back to the show:
Some have likened environmentalism to pseudo-religion. Someone who knows a bit about real religion, the Rev. K.L Humphries (pastor of Trinity Evangelical Lutheran in Morril, Nebraska) offers up a couple of his hoopties and a seasonal benediction for us all:
"A late entry, I’ll admit—but I only got the Daytona back today (besides, I’m busy with Holy Week services). The 92 Daytona IROC R/T, despite having only 4 cylinders and 135 cubes still emits with the best of them thanks to its twin cam intercooled turbo design (plus some mods that give it a bit more power than stock). The 66 Jeep Gladiator is powered by a Rambler 327 and has a 3-on-the-tree shifted Warner in front of a Dana 20 and gets 11 MPG on a good day. Blesséd are the CO2 spewers, indeed.
P.S.—we’re still working on that Lutheran Caliphate. I’d be a done deal if it weren’t for those Wisconsin Synod types—splitters!"
Gus Wolle of Cross Plains, WI submits his version of the Wagon Queen Family Truckster:
"My grandfather says it’s a classic. Well, it’s not just “a classic.” It’s the 1995 Chevrolet Caprice Classic - a throwback to the glorious family motoring days of yore. When I and 23 of my closest friends want to go to a movie or something, this venerable land yacht awaits. (And believe me, when it’s time to gas up, I need the financial assistance of about 23 other people to buy the necessary fuel and lubricants.) Oh sure, she’s getting a little rough around the edges, but she’s got it where it counts, baby!"
Man does not live by cars alone. A couple of readers remind us of man's other great CO2-producing wonder: BEER. First, an anonymous employee of Miller Brewing Company writes to remind us that what made Milwaukee famous also makes Mother Nature warm 'n' snuggly:
"My entry isn't a virtual ride, but a compliment to the cruising experience; Beer. The three things that will ruin your beer are heat, light, and oxygen, so I say it is Oxygen that is the gas we should be worried about, not CO2. As the protagonist in Kurt Vonnegut's novel God Bless You Mr. Rosewater said: We few, we happy few, we band of brothers - joined in the serious business of keeping our food, shelter, clothing and loved ones (beer) from combining with oxygen. (Eliot Rosewater to a group of volunteer firemen.)
At the Miller Brewery we produce 8 million barrels (248 million gallons) of beer a year, and all that fermenting happy yeast gives off over 12,000 lbs of CO2 an hour. We recover the CO2 to use in out bottle and can lines, but even that isn't enough and we still bring in several tankers of CO2 a day to meet our needs."
On a smaller but no less beautiful level, Steve of Columbia Heights, MN offers CO2 to Gaia through micro brewing. Ah, the Circle of Life:
"Behold this beauty from when global cooling was all the rage. As an affront to smug eco-warriors everywhere, it could easily be an Earth Week entry all its own, just for it’s six-tired carbon footprint going back nigh’ on forty years now. It is no lone hydrocarbon spewing wolf though. This baby is an integral part of God’s greatest CO2 production method, a brewery. Yup, every bubble in that frothy head containing moles and moles of freshly liberated carbon dioxide molecules.
Those plastic barrels are used to haul the waste grain from the Town Hall Brewery in Minneapolis, that the gentleman who owns this truck feeds to his hogs. The carbon cycle comes full circle at the bar's annual Bocce Ball tournament, where one of those well fed little porkers is cooked up in full global warming style, over a bed of good old hardwood charcoal."
Like tire burnouts? M.C. Reilly sends this touching natural scene with a simple "Happy Earth Day."
Tony Glosson of Covenant College in Lookout Mountain, GA takes the Fast 'n' Furious route:
"Someone’s got to rep the tuner breed. Extra points for taking a bastion of responsible fuel economy (this was a Civic VP, once upon a time) and turning it into a fully forged, turbocharged beast of a street legal* daily driver? MPGs vary GREATLY based on whether I drive aggressively or very aggressively, but between the VTEC and the GReddy turbo/IC kit, it gets me from point A to point B.
*at least as legal as Timothy Geithner's tax practices"
Geez, how many beater Ford trucks do you guys have? Joel and Carol use theirs for communing with adorable woodland creatures:
"That's our 1986 Ford F-150 4x2 with a 300 CID six and the truck 4 speed manual transmission, my daily driver. We are the original owners, and this baby is all original, including the paint job. The two wheel drive is worthless in the snow, it's hard to start and even harder to shift, but when I park it I can leave the keys in. And the next photos were taken while driving, when a chipmunk popped out of a hole in the dash. I'm glad I didn't have my dog in the truck on that trip."
Retired USAF flyboy Kevin takes us down memory lane to the last piston engine to power America's arsenal of strategic nuclear bombers:
"As a recently retired USAF pilot, I weep for my generation when I see how far we have fallen from the standards set only a generation ago. Look at this masterpiece of carbon-producing American muscle from the Convair B-36. This radial (love the sound) engine has four rows of cylinders with seven cylinders per row with a total of 56 spark plugs. And get this, the B-36 had...(give me moment to collect myself)...six of these engines per aircraft. That comes to a total of...let's see, six engines times four rows of cylinders times seven cylinders, and then if you consider the spark plugs...well, a whole bunch of cylinders and spark plugs."
Jeff H. from Jeff's Garage and Alehouse goes Indiana Jones under the hood:
"here's my submission - not much to see, but its inspiring none-the-less.... searching out the dreaded EGR valve in my 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee. That piece of Enviro-Nazi hardware will be removed post haste!"
This awesome entry from Gord Richmond of Kneehill County, Alberta, Canada put a big ol' carbon-eating grin on my face:
"Can't tell you how much I've enjoyed the Earth Week Cruise-In so far. In fact, it inspired me to fire up my contender, and drive it a couple of miles up the road to pose it in front of some quite stationary wind generators. Picture taken the morning of Good Friday, April 22, about 11:00 A.M. Mountain Time.
We've seen hot rods, and we've seen motorhomes, but this beauty is a hotrod motorhome. Not 350 cubic inches, not 500 cubic inches, but a full 903 cubic inches of Diesel-sucking displacement anointing Mother Gaia's breast with carbony goodness.
The battery came through the winter in fine form, and one tiny little whiff of ether in the air intake was all it took to light off the big Cummins VT-903. Warmed it up a few minute, watch the air pressure gauge come up to 100 psi, put her in gear, let out the clutch, and we're off on a road trip to the photo site. Can't tell you how good it felt to be rolling down the dirt road in the sunshine. The old girl rides smooth as a Cadillac.
Thanks for inspiring me to get the Flex out of hibernation. In fact, I was so inspired, I went on to spend the entire afternoon continuing the structural repairs in the area of the right front wheel well that I had begin last Fall. Made some good progress, too.
Vehicle: 1947 Flxible Clipper coach, converted to a motorhome by Custom Coach in the early '60s (best guess). Re-powered with a Cummins VT-903 and Spicer 6 speed transmission by some good old boys in Montana, sometime in the mid '80s.
Purchased by my good friend Pat Ronak sometime around 1988, and driven many thousand miles with too little mechanical trouble to be worthy of mention. Sold to me around 2006, after having sat idle for several years. For me, it's a work in progress, upgrading the driveability, and making structural and cosmetic repairs to the body and interior."
At the end of a hard Earth Day's activism, Wisconsinite Steve Prestegard reminisces about his Caprice donk:
First: I linked to this outstanding entry. Second: I drove approximately 489 miles over the past two days to pick up my mother-in-law and bring her back to my house, and to run to Milwaukee to do a TV appearance. This was done in a car that averaged 28 mpg, so not a whole lot of consumption there, unlike my fondly remembered old barge -- 18 feet long, 4,300 pounds, 11 mpg.
Retired Air Force NCO SMSgt Mac provides shocking evidence of his high speed UFO's trips through Area 51:
"I enjoy my Crossfire SRT6 most on those lonely secondary roads between Texas and Arizona. Never wondered what it would top out at until a Military Policeman asked me the question one day. Still don't know -- the roads don't go any faster."
Case from Victoria, Australia likes warming on two wheels. Oops, scratch that - one wheel.
"With all the humility of a hippy at a dreadlock convention, I hereby submit this contribution of me and my little Gaia-raper doing what we used to do best. Tends to upset blokes with fruit-salad lights on their cars too! Sadly, my little RD350LC is no longer. However, we once held a dubious record of sorts in Victoria Australia. We covered the trip from Morwell to Canberra, via the Cann Valley Highway (which had about 50 k’s of dirt) in six hours – a total distance of 600k’s What a ride! The old 'looks-like-K1-but-is-really-K6' also does it’s bit for enviro-pillage as well."
Texas reader Joe B. adds his bitchin' Camaro to the Roll of Honor:
"1970 Camaro. Warmed up 350: 4th Gen Bowtie heads, 2.02 stainless steel intake valves, no crossover passage so it takes forever to warm up and spews more unburned hydrocarbons, 282 advertised duration Crane Cam with .525 lift cam with .254 duration at .050 lift and 112 overlap causing more unburned hydrocarbon spew at anything less than 3000 rpm’s. Four speed Muncie and a 3.23 rearend so it’s running about 3500 RPM at 70 MPH. 750 CFM Holley four barrel with manual secondary. Fourteen MPG of DFW fun with a strong back wind and downhill."
To commemorate Earth Day, "Harry Bergeron" went out and got him some right handsome yard art:
"Hard to match, impossible to beat! I was feeling like I couldn't contribute enough to Gaia on Earth Day, so I got myself over to Musclecar Ranch and rented an antique FWD fire truck. Once deployed, the 572 cubic inch Waukesha six-lung revs up to the max and pumps 1,760 gallons of water per minute onto the helpless fire. And since it's stationary, it's getting ZERO MILE PER GALLON! That's even less efficient than Al Gore's private jet."
The Smiths of Nashville TN keep the family SUV busy on the drag strip:
"Our very own Jade Grenade. Not Top Fuel, but full throttle trips down the strip sucks the fuel down pretty good. We plan to celebrate tomorrow doing just that."
Tennessee Tim Floyd shares pics of his high-speed bass boat, along with a an attractive pair of pins (owner unidentified):
"1998 Donzi 22 Classic. Under the hatch is a 502 cubic inch GM big block. It puts out 415 HP at the prop shaft – well it used to before I added a performance exhaust system. Probably in the 435 HP range now… She’ll run in the low 70s as measured on a GPS."
Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Tom patrols Denver CO in this mighty Packard worthy of a Depression-era robber baron, likely thwacking the local street urchins with his diamond-tipped swagger stick:
"I present, for your consideration, an entry for your 2011 Earth Week celebration: a 1934 Packard Super Eight Coupe Roadster, weighing in at nearly 3 tons and is a hair over 19' long. This little convertible, with it's 135hp 389 cu in straight eight, get's a rocking 11mpg on the highway, at an eco-friendly speed of 50 mph. It also leaks oil on purpose, to lubricate the chassis, and emits a tremendous amount petrochemical vapors without even moving."
B. Crossley takes advantage of, and adds to, Florida's warming astride his V-twin:
"My modest contribution to the showcase. While it might get 45 MPG, remember that the EPA says not to ride motorcycles because the lack of emmission controls mean that a v-twin can put out the same exhaust as a large SUV. Snow fell in Florida last winter, and me and my 1999 VStar 1100 Custom are doing our part to keep Florida warm. Once I finish the intake upgrade and re-jet the carbs, it will crank out enough carbon to make Al Gore blush."
Bruce Johnson, proprietor of Johnson's Extremely Strange Musical Instrument Company, send along another example of this year's bumper crop of Ford F-series beater pickups:
"I'm in Burbank, CA, the land of snooty Green types. You can't drive 50 feet without bumping into a Prius around here. I do my part to drive them nuts with this '67 Ford F100 Ranger pickup. It's a genuine farm truck, having spent its first 42 years with one owner on one farm in central California. It has the original smoke-spewin' 352 2-barrel, and is almost all factory parts. Manual steering, manual brakes, and a loud farm-style dual exhaust. I get 8mpg on a good day. I bought it two years ago and have been slowly rebuilding it mechanically. I'm not going to make a hot rod out of it. I'm going to keep it pretty much original. Someday I'll bang out the dents and repaint it, but for now it's just a faithful old pickup and I enjoy driving it as it is. It's so fun to sit in traffic, with my elbow out the window and the exhaust rumbling, getting seething glares from everyone."
Where did we go wrong? This bratty 'Stang belonging to "Theworldisnotenough" just earned an F in citizenship from the California Eco Police:
"This is my second V8, the first being a 1968 Impala custom with a 327. This is also my first manual. My mechanic said "You must be Charles Atlas, that's a race clutch." Who's Charles Atlas (kidding!) To show just how much I love my mother Iincluded my first attempt at passing smog. California apparently thinks I'm gross, polluter that is... As a foodie I end up at alot of small boutique restaurants and coffee shops frequented by hipsters and out of work liberal arts majors. I like to pull up right in front. When asked about my reckless fuel consumption I let them know that my car is eco-friendly, it runs on Gaia's tears."
Update April 22
O, happy happy official Earth Day! And I can't think of a better way to kick it off than to remember the founder of Earth Day, Ira "The Unicorn" Einhorn- now better known as Inmate #ES6859 at Houtzdale State Correctional Institution in Pennsylvania.
What was this pioneering eco-warrior's sin - improperly sorted recycling bins? A secret stash of incandescent bulbs? No, the corporate pigs busted him just because he thoughtfully composted his girlfriend in 1977. For this example of Thinking Globally and Acting Locally, he was forced to leave the country for an extended 24 year holiday in Europe, where he was feted by the Continent's ecological bien pensants before his extradition back to Philly. Note to fellow incarcerated climate change activist Charlie Manson (see down this thread): next time get a better press agent!
And now, back to Day 6 of the carbon feast:
Expert snake-handler LTCol (ret) Bill Rodway opens up a can of his favorite Vipers:
"Took this photo at our New Mexico Viper Club charity "Fun Run" in Albuquerque. Dodge Viper's, a semi truck, and yes, a full size helicopter !! The F16: Talk about a real gas burner ! (photo is from my days flying the sleek Viper !!)"
Is it just a phase? Rebellious Tim S. from Richmond VA ditches the dweeby hybrid and joins the eco-deliquents:
"Just traded my 2007 Toyota Prius (you read that correctly!) for this 2011 Frontier, sporting 14MPG in the city, 19MPG when cruising the open roads of that MILF we all love! As I signed the papers, I felt a great disturbance in the air, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, then were suddenly silenced...by my new CO2 emissions."
Carbon-spewing is all in the family for Matthew DeLuca of Alpharetta GA:
"Please accept what may be the humblest entry to the 2011 Cruise-In, my 1980 Ford F-150 'Truck of Doom'. Equipped with the mighty 300 inline six engine and the latest in Carter-era emissions technology, the CO2 and hydrocarbons it leaves in its wake help keep Momma warm at night. My only regret is that it doesn’t live up to its Earth-warming achievements from back when my grandfather drove it, as he often had a belching and farting steer along for the ride."
The answer to your question, contestant Wayne J. Soojian of Orono, Minnesota, is "NO":
"A pic of my big block gas guzzlers. The Yellow one is 46 years old (9 mpg) and her younger sister in red is 42 (7 mpg). Should I take the pres-i-DENT's advice and trade them in for a hybrid?"
Like me, John Burgett lives in the Land of Lincoln and drives a Model A - but he keeps his the way God & Henry Ford created it. And wards off the eco-zombies with some vintage firearms:
"Here is a 1930 Model A. 40 HP,4.5:1 compression ratio, manual mixture control under dash. The greenies always try to legislate these off the highway. They are only good for parades you know. This one has an overdrive and we drive it everywhere."
Mr. Humble Ric Locke enjoys the simple things in life:
"Compared to the shiny toys your other contributors herd it ain't much, but for pure carbon-spewing it's hard for anything wheeled to beat. 1974 Ford F100 pickup, on which I am proud to say that there is no body panel which is not dented, rusted, or both. Motivation via 390 CID installed sometime in the Eighties before I got it; the installer didn't change the front springs, alas. All original, including the rings, unfortunately. If I remember to fill it with transmission fluid it will pull anything that won't rip the bumper out, and get 8 MPG (of course I have to buy gas, too!). If I remember to fill the master cylinder with brake fluid it might stop, too.
And yes, fear is 60 MPH on two 10" wheels. You might also consider 70 MPH in a truck with no, repeat no, rubber bushings left in the front end, towing a trailer with two horses in it."
Carbon Tax? 'Uncle Walter' from Melbourne, Victoria ain't afraid of no carbon tax:
"Here's my tribute to our global MILF. Two rotors, two turbos, I have no idea what mileage it could get, I've never tried. It's my weekend toy, driven with the foot down hard on one of my favorite pieces of twisty road. I fill the tank every time I drive it. At 8000 RPM it bends Gaia over and screams 'who's your daddy'."
Yeah Baby! Marylander Bill White gets groovy in his Coventry Cat:
"Here is my contribution to our collective carbon footprint: A 1966 Jaguar E Type with a 4.2 Liter in-line 6, aluminum hemi head, dual overhead cams, and three, count ‘em, THREE Weber 45DCOE twin choke carburetors. A whopping 12 MPG and the car only weighs 2800 pounds. Not quite the 'Suck it Gaia' of two years ago, but I get a 'warming' sensation just thinking about it!"
DFW-area shutterbug H.B. Wise sends along some pony pictures he shot for a client:
"Submitted for your approval, and undoable the winners laurels, is this replica Mustang. It is built on a NASCAR chassis and sports a Roush 427. It is in fact built to be street legal and sounds glorious throughout the RPM range. The owner has two more vintage 'Stangs in the stable as can be seen in the accompanying photos."
Where does he get all those wonderful toys? Veteran Cruise participant Paul Hergert sits atop some sort of bottomless supply of Ferraris in Alabama:
"Last year's Ferrari did a pretty good job of sucking down precious fossil fuels - which is good - but it just wasn't loud enough. I fixed that! This year's F430 F1 includes a full Tubi exhaust system, adding extra horsepower and destroying any quiet time that Mother Gaia needs for her nap..."
I knew I shared a love of mid-century modern architecture with Seattle's Westsound Modern, but imagine my delight to hear of his connection to one of the bad-ass-ed-est boats of all time, Miss Bardahl:
"Alas, having sold off my beloved 427 equipped '68 Suburban I can no longer partake in the pride felt when topping off the tank, knowing that the consistent 6 MPG's the big rectangular port mill provided was contributing not only to the positive profit margins of Exxon Mobil, but was hastening the day when global warming would at long last eliminate my need of a warm coat in our northern climes.
I can however contribute my fair share of atmospheric carbon vicariously through my late father in law, who not only helped build and drive a boat sporting a straight stack V-12 carbon belching 3,000 HP Rolls Merlin, but did so with the explicit support and enthusiasm of then Senator Henry 'Scoop' Jackson as seen in the following you tube photo vignette. Quite a difference from our current duo of Prius-piloting chick Senators."
My Seattle pal Scott Wilcox is an Iowahawk Earth Week Cruise staple, and it seems each year he has a new amazing Italian 2-wheeler to enchant and delight. This year is no exception:
"Hey Buddy, Sorry I’m late to the party but now that I’m here let me introduce my gift to Mother Earth. Burning 110 octane leaded race fuel mixed 40-1 with Motorex oil I give you the planet defiling Aprilia RS250 2 stroke. Producing a cool 80hp while adding a nice blue haze to the race track behind me. Nothing says I love planet earth quite like a high revving 2 stroke."
Pete Miller of Goodyear, AZ send in this wide-angle evidence of his commitment to the cause:
Witness the enchanting Earth Day sunrise ritual of Michigander Dan Chupp:
"As morning gilds Southwest Michigan we bring you a rare glimpse of a Gaia worship ceremony. The Chuppster begins the ritual by offering a black smoke burnt offering of dinosaur/jungle remains symbolizing the darkness of the scourge of earthdwellers, followed by the white smoke offering when the brakes don't hold anymore. As the fragrant smoke and soot drifting across the morning landscape coats the inside of our nostrils( and lungs) we feel a surge of gratefulness for the extinction of so many creatures and life forms that are distilled in the essence of American GO-JUICE! 1996 Dodge Cummins with some goodies good for 300 or so hp. to the ground. Over 300K on the clock."
CO2 is tree food, and Cheesehead Nick's 'burban pumps out so much of that it seems to have prompted a feeding frenzy:
"My 1986 GMC Suburban gets 11 MPG with it's carbureted 350, three speed turbo 400 transmission, and only runs well on premium. It's my only vehicle, so it gets driven a lot. It's an old fire truck. I love this beast. Here's a photo of it destroying the northwoods of Wisconsin."
"Bioscruffy" from New South Wales, Australia tells us the touching story of the Little Lawn Mower That Could:
"Now, this may only be a lawn mower.....but as they say, its 'punching above its weight.'"
Charles Z shows off his sleek Steve McQueen-worthy 'Stang fastback:
"Thank you for your tireless efforts to release previously sequestered, life-giving CO2. I've been doing my part in this little 1965 Mustang fastback grocery-getter. She's got a 331 cubic inch stroked small block with 292 degrees of cam duration, good breathing aluminum heads, and a Quickfuel DP carb. Idles around 1,100 rpm and sets off car alarms at cruising speed. Once, when I started her up, it scared my little dog so much she hid underneath a lawn mower in the shed and refused to come out even for a liver treat. You can actually see trees (and Prius drivers) turning green when we blow by."
Who's up for some stationary machines? Not only do these guys churn out un-Gaialy amounts of CO2, they do so at an impressive 0.0 mpg! First up, from Dave M:
"Italian made, Russian owned and American modified and operated Electric Arc Furnace. Uses four oxygen natural gas burners and four carbon injection systems getting 0 mpg while melting 125 tons of recycled steel at 3000 degrees per hour."
Next, from Matthew T, some mighty size-y shop equipment:
"Shown here are two of my company's classic machines from the 1940's saved from the rust belt and brought out west for a new life. The vertical turret lathe that is capable of turning a part 18 ft. in diameter and the horizontal boring mill; 22' quill with 8" spindle; 36' x 9' horizontal travel; 12' vertical travel. And while we could take your neighbor's Prius and turn it down to a toothpick we tend to stick to large industrial repairs like telescope collimaters that will defile the indian burial grounds on Mt. Graham, or the primary crusher rollers for the largest cement plant in the area, Primary waste output: C02! But my personal favorite were the 12 ft diam. pump housing that we had to face and were then shipped out to the local copper mines where they pumped a slurry of rock and semi desolved Gia flesh (copper ore) in sulfuric acid...mmmmm tasty!"
Twin Cities reader Steve Abbott, who usually enters the Cruise with some kickass machinery, is filled with self-loathing by his 2011 submission:
"I use to be something. Look at me now...look at me now... Will be sending you a picture of my new "mini van" next year right before I shoot myself!"
No worries, Steve; I have reduced the picture to minimize your shame.
DUDE! Is that...? Nah, just some perfectly-legal bamboo, according to owner Glenn Derrah of Griswold, CT. But that Cheech & Chong-looking cargo will go up in smoke:
"This is my garbage-hauling ’65 Bus, ready for another dump run. I’ll admit that its mileage figure isn’t as low as I’d like it to be, but I try to make up for that by using it to help me de-foliate as much of my property as I can. Here’s a load of bamboo that’ll never emit another molecule of clean air, once the boys at the “transfer station” (milquetoast name for a dump!) have their way with it. I’ve also Bussed away the remains of quite a few Siberian Elm trees, filthy things!"
Via Twitter (I am on Twitter you know) comes this submission from Texan Bobby Crumpley, a bit of message-bearing German precision engineering:
"My middle finger to earth day."
Via Facebook (I am on Facebook you know) comes a couple of entries from Bob Morgan, an Engineering Officer with the US Army in Iraq. Bob writes:
"You put up a pic of my '55 Dodge Power Wagon a year back or so. I am back in Iraq this year and have attached two photos - the first is one of our Mine Protected Armored Vehicles, which our guys use to safely cruise the roads here in sunny Mesopotamia. The second of a Monster Truck, here on Joint Base Balad."
Also via Facebook comes this nifty lil' dumptruck rattle-can restored by J. Ward in his back yard:
Update April 21
After a bang-up Day 4, it's time to get the party rolling for Day 5. Only two days left to get your entry in! But first, I'd like to address a common misperception: I am often accused of being a suck-up to Big Car, and thinking that the automobile can do no wrong. Nothing could be farther from the truth: while yes, in general, our four-wheeled friends have been the greatest single technological boon to mankind, this does not mean that in particular cases they will not turn on you. Take for example the recent cases of pyromaniacal self-immolation by insane Chevy Volts (sent in by several alert readers) proving that this "car" hates humanity almost as much as humanity hates it. These incidents also eerily recall the the 1959 Lincoln that snapped and burned down Neil Young's San Francisco warehouse after the aged hippie caterwauler defiled it with an electric motor transplant. Conclusion: no matter how much sweet coal-fired power plant emissions it might prompt, never put electric power in your engine compartment. Keep the combustion internal!
Brian, team driver for BlueFire Racing, submits this 'Stang that has been modified for his frequent climate action seminars at DFW-area Hooters:
"I’m apparently not good at this reducing CO2 footprint thing – I took a 2005 Mustang GT that made 28mpg on the highway and turned her into a curve-huggin’, baby-scarin’, alarm-soundin’, girl-attractin’ 4mpg race car. I guess if environmentalists want to look at the shiny side, at least there’s one less fuel-guzzling Mustang on the highway J."
Oregonian Mike R. lets Rover take over the Land Rover:
"Our '92 Range Rover LSE (lovingly, if not ironically, referred to as The Green Machine) with our trusty cohort in CO2 crime in her favorite seat. We´re all doing our part to "Keep Portland Weird" (and Prius free)."
The Lawsons of League City, TX had this Explorer in last year's cruise, but have since customized it with additional accouterments sure to send hippies screaming to the fainting couch, grasping at their puka shells:
"The Prairie Schooner and I are back in 2011, revved & already piling on the odometer. I torment greens daily, tooling solo around our smallish city south of Houston, and allowing the V-8 to have its head on the freeways. With the “Great Shellacking of Nov. 2010" now in the record books (you may notice several flecks of yellow paint left over from my sloganeering leading up to Election Day ‘10), off came the “Remember in November” sticker, replaced by a simple but dignified, “Nobama 2012" in comforting red, white & blue. “Custom” plate and home-made (can you tell?) signs from this past weekend’s Tea Party riots. In the upper-left corner of the plate you can also see a depiction of the Space Shuttle – yeah, the one that Obama & Schumer thought would “fit” better in NYC than in Space City USA. Sheesh. My husband prays daily (to God, no less!) for my safe travels. As usual, my beast and I will be heading west in a few weeks, to torment more greens throughout the Southwest, the Rockies, and, yes, unto the Pacific NW. If we make it to Canada this year, we can, as usual, count on plenty of international-style apoplexy from the greens there."
Of his Hummer, taciturn Mike Barham simply says "the exhaust is pure charcoal." No word if it's mesquite flavored.
When Mother Nature dumps a load of pesky global cooling, Cornhusker Craig Foland simply carts it away in his trusty F-250:
"Greetings from snowy Nebraska. Thought I'd send you a picture of my earth-week cruiser, my 1999 Ford F-250. She's got a 35 gallon tank and likes to drink! Her hobbies are hauling freshly cut trees to use for firewood and hauling snow (pictured loaded and ready to go)."
From the Ozarks comes this somehow compelling contraption resembling a UN weapons inspection team catering truck, or a prop from a Godzilla movie. Owner Scott Creech explains:
"You want something Carbon UN-Friendly? Try my 1983 Iveco 110Z Diesel on for size. 9700 GVWR of black smoke-spewing Italian-made Goodness! It features a 335cid inline-6 Iveco Diesel engine, 5sp. manual transmission, a HUGE panoramic view of nature as you defile it, and an integral sleeper (note window behind the cab). This particular truck reportedly used to belong to Bimota Motorcycles NA, and through the early '90s was used as the Hauler for their race bike program (I'm currently trying to confirm this). Oh, the eye-stinging exhaust it emits…"
A very cheeky entry from Mesa, AZ's Jeff Matejcik:
"Here is my submission for this year. Resurrected brute of a 1965 Mercury Parklane Marauder. Found in a back yard in Peoria AZ, with a past so checkered Carfax was useless. 390 FE with a Autolite 4 barrel. Dual exhaust. Someone a coat of paint on it in the 80's... so it's original inside and almost out. Since it's leaking tranny fluid from the front main, it leaves a little red trail of spots everywhere it goes (hippie tears?)... and it definitely goes! Here she is on the trailer, after we drove it up... with only the help of a new battery and a fuel line held in a gas can (the kid who had it before me was trying to rig an electronic fuel pump and didn't let it prime long enough - snicker!). The smile is courtesy of my good pal Matt - that cheeky swine."
David Goza from Houston, TX argues that his beloved lawn appliances should be fair game for the cruise:
"Are these electric lawn tools merely the earth-friendly accoutrement of a loafer-wearing urban greenie? Not when they are backed up by this bad boy coal-fired power plant! According to the enviro-weenies, my harmless looking yard tools are contributing to 926,000 tons of CO2 emissions. BTW: The ML320 in the background is 1/2 of the family's SUV fleet - the other 1/2 is a Chevy Suburban. Carbon emissions galore!"
Henry Hughes mourns the big one that got away:
"This is a restored suburban identical (except for the roof lights) to one we owned until a few years ago. One sad day our son changed lanes without looking and the orange beast was never the same. There is nothing better for hauling two adults, five kids and a dog. It handled a weeks worth of camping gear and 8 bikes in style."
How's your Peterbilt? Craig R's is BIG.
"My entry for the Cruise In - 4 MPG Baby!"
King of the Road Jerry Hurley lives one of my all-time favorite Southern Culture on the Skids songs:
"This photo shows our "Carbon Burner" home of the last seven years, pulling our tricked out jeep with 456 rears. The home get's 8 miles to the gallon and the jeep 11 miles. Over seven years ago we sold our sticks and bricks home to do this, and have had a ball traveling and putting forth carbon."
Starting the parade today is Dan from Boston, who shows how to push New England warming around:
"Come on fellow Americans...contribute, help out a poor Yankee surviving in the suburbs of Boston, People's Republic (with few noble exceptions) of Massachusetts. Normal winter ride is a Chrysler minivan, normal summer rides are a 1959 BMW R69 (left front, with previous owner's weird stuff) and a 1962 BMW R50/2 stock except for a chopper (really, a Corbin) seat. Move Mother Nature's bounty? 1977 Ford F250, four wheel drive utility truck, bullet proof Dana axles, NP205 case, four speed transmission, all behind a straight six."
Update April 20
Day 4 dawns on our annual carbon smackdown, amidst meteorological misbehavior. Monday saw snow here in Chicago, while yesterday witnessed a torrential rain / hail / lightning / sleet / shitstorm. Meanwhile, the UN is debating a treaty to give Big Momma Planet "human rights." Conclusion: we haven't been doing enough! So let's get right to the entries:
Sweet Gaia's cleavage, the big guns are coming out! Behold our first ever extraterrestrial competitor, via Bob Marks (note to my pals at XCOR Aerospace - dudes, where is your entry?):
"I'd like to submit for your consideration a project which I am proud to have worked on - the SpaceshipOne private manned spaceflight program. Paired with the White Knight carrier aircraft, the world's first successful commercial space access system was probably the ultimate non-governmental carbonator - and definitely the highest-flying.
Under the kerosene-chugging propulsive force of two General Electric J85-GE-5 afterburning turbojet engines the White Knight would haul SpaceshipOne to the launch altitude of 45,000 feet - or whenever one of the afterburners would flame out.
Following the traditional countdown the flight engineer aboard the carrier aircraft would pull the release handle, dropping SpaceshipOne. Seconds later, the pilot astronaut would fire the rocket motor and point the vehicle straight up. The motor would push the vehicle to 2186 mph, burning out at around 150,000'. On her last flight, the vehicle then coasted to a peak altitude of 367,500 feet under the expert guidance of Brian Binnie, securing the $10mil Ansari X-Prize for our team.
Cool stuff, but there is an asterisk to this that brings joy to us of the unrepetent depleted-uranium-left-foot gearhead bent. The rocket motor on the SpaceshipOne vehicle was a 'hybrid' rocket motor- but it ain't no Prius. While leaving far less toxins in the upper atmosphere than a traditional rocket motor, our hybrid rocket motor used nitrous oxide- yes, that nitrous oxide- to rapidly burn the hydroxy-terminated polybutadiene, or HTPB, fuel in the composite motor casing.
You see, HTPB is a common ingredient in tire rubber. That's right - SpaceshipTwo left a nitrous-boosted smoky burnout over twenty miles long. Straight up. Beat that one, bitches."
Professional-type flyboy "Jungle" requests anonymity and first prize by acclamation:
"My entry wins, based on carbon spewing, and I do so love it-it does not belong to me but I get paid to drive it. Normal cruise fuel consumption is about 4,000 gallons per hour, climb is about 8,000 gallons per hour. I don't have to buy the fuel either, which is nice. It generates about 240,000lbs of thrust and weighs 875,000 pounds at max takeoff weight. Photo is a sistership. Pumping Mother Earth in all the right places!"
Ahoy there! Swabbie Sean R. Fitzpatrick proudly touts the atmospheric heating capabilities of his democracy-defendin' destroyer:
"Since we're talking about cruising, let me tell you about my Hoopty, the USS Fitzgerald (DDG 62). 505 ft long, 67 feet tall, and 30.5 feet wide. Four GE LM 2500-30 Gas Turbines bring the goods.
- Output (Shp): 33,600
- Specific Fuel Consumption (lb/shp-hr): 0.373
- Thermal Efficiency: 37%
- Heat Rate (BTU/shp-hr): 6,860
- Exhaust Gas Temp (°F): 1,051
- Exhaust Gas Flow (lb/sec): 155
All combined to give 100,000 hp to two shafts! What's that you say? Not enough combustion? We deliver the goods as well.
- One Mk45 127mm .54 caliber Gun
- Two MK15 Block 1 Phalanx Gatling 20mm Guns
- Two MK41 Vertical Launching Systems (MOD 0 forward, MOD 1 Aft) with 29 cells forward and 61 aft to house SM-2 SAMs, Tomahawk and ASROC. (When you care enough to send the very best!)
- Two Mk141 quadruple launchers for RGM-84 Harpoon missiles And two MK32 triple 324mm torpedo tubes for MK46 of MK50 ASW torpedos
Your Navy, we're all about combustion!
Very Respectfully,
Sean R. Fitzpatrick
Navy Chief, Navy Pride"
Ohhhh yeahhhh. Come to papa. Marlowe House send this tasty calliope-tube-injected Deuce roadster on behalf of its owner:
"This is a shot of Richfield, MN Ed Belkengren’s soon to be finished 32 Ford Hiboy. The 500 inch injected big block Chev will be driven, this is no trailer queen."
Paladin serves up 6 wheels of awesome for the climate fiesta:
"1950 Ford F1 pickup that I found in a barn in Missouri several years ago. Spruced her up a bit, but kept her mostly original. Flathead 6 cylinder with the original oil bath air cleaner (See... oil doesn't polute, it cleans the air!). Three speed on the floor. She could pull a stump out of the ground in first but protested much above 55 mph. Got about 10 miles to the gallon, with a good tailwind :) I loved her dearly, but several years using her as my daily driver through Texas summers with no A/C is a whipping - so I sent her to a new home.
The motorcycle is my 2000 Honda Valkyrie Tourer. 1520cc engine with six, count 'em, SIX Carburetors. How much better to plant a carbon footprint than to grant each cylinder its very own carb? She's currently taking a siesta while I'm completeing a long overdue carb set overhaul and if all goes well I'll be burning up the Texas Asphalt before gas hits $5 a gallon - ie. Next weekend probably."
K.J. Hinton is the automotive St. Francis of Washington state, rescuing a poor injured '69 Camaro and nursing it back to health with a 454 rat motor and loving doses of race gas. How healthy? Try mid 12's at 110 mph, to the delighted squeals of the camerawoman. K.J. provides the car's story of redemption in first person singular:
"I started out life as a plain ol' 69 Camaro with an even plainer 327 ci 2 barrel V-8 engine and, apparently, a Powerglide (2 speed) automatic transmission with a column shifter. I was also originally maroon with silver stripes and a black vinyl roof (rust catcher). But at some point, I was repainted some sort of champagne white with black stripes. Well, that's all changed now. NOW, I'm stock GM hugger orange with white stripes (AKA "Creamsicle”). Plus, the vinyl roof is history. But those changes are just on the outside. On the inside, a prior owner moved the column shifter to the floor. That was part of a drive train swap that included installing a 454 ci engine, built for serious speed; a turbo 400 3 speed automatic; the world famous "12 bolt" rear end with gearing in the stratosphere.
This is a site about the life of this car; it's history as I know it; the horrific accident and subsequent rebuild by a guy who had no clue about fixing cars beyond tune ups and swapping engines.I'll also be chatting about issues related to car shows in the area, working on this beast, where he takes me... cruises and so forth; efforts to improve the roughly 4 miles per gallon fuel usage and the like."
Update April 19
In the interest of equal time, my good friend and carbon adventure companion Tim Blair reminds us that there are still some who believe global warming is a bad thing.
Typical climate change activist
Tim also sends along his entry for the Cruise:
"Finally, this year I actually have a car myself worth entering in the great Cruise. Took a friend for a ride the other day ... just dawdling around the suburbs, nothing fancy. Then I happened upon a road that was totally clear of traffic, and slightly downhill, and curved ... I own a car that makes an adult male shriek in terror."
Read more on Tim's ungainly yet compelling BMW "clown shoe" here.
Top Gear has "The Stig." Iowahawk has "Pilot X." Every year this mysterious globehopping flyboy drops in with carbon tales calculated drive the eco-clowns mad with rage, and the rest of us mortals mad with envy. This year is no exception:
"Dear Comrade Iowahawk,
Please accept this file as cinematic proof that I am doing my part to keep our dear MILF nice and toasty. I utilized a custom-designed (by Mom and God) camera mount to capture a portion of my instrument panel as the rocket sled shot off its launch rail on a trajectory toward the big island of Hawai'i. In the first few seconds of this death-defying ride through the stratosphere, we were burning approximately 2,830 lbs./hr./engine. Make that 844 gallons per hour. We couldn't keep our flows that high for the entire 5.5 hour cruise, but we did manage to feed the beast a grand total of 10,350lbs. (1544 gallons). Too bad you and Tammy Jo weren't LA today, we coulda given you a ride. That's right, we hopped halfway across the Pacific without a single paying customer on board."
Now, just so you knows how Pilot X rolls, he happened to be in my neck of the woods recently and invited me and Tammi Jo for a tour of his rig - this kick-ass Bombardier Challenger 300. Top speed Mach 0.83, seats 8 in Auric Goldfinger / George Soros luxury.
Across the tarmac, we spotted this Carolina Blue climate cooker belonging to a local retired basketball player and underwear spokesman:
And to top it all off, we were joined on the plane tour by my new pal David Kirkham. David - who heads the Utah Tea Party - is no slouch when it comes to go-fast machinery. As founder of Kirkham Motorsports, he makes the world's finest all-aluminum Cobras. And when I mean make, I mean all the way down to the piece. Want a 427 FE side-oiler? David will whittle one out of a solid block of aluminum for you:
For his entry in the Earth Day Cruise, David sends this amazing mash up of a '40 Ford and a Ford GT 40 (a 40/40?). Body made out of SOLID COPPER. Shiny enough for your gal to use as a lipstick mirror. David writes:
"Here are some pics of the Copper 40 Ford GT we did for Ford for SEMA in 2005. The body is made from solid copper. The drive train is from a Ford GT. Notice the engine is mid-mounted. The wheels and uprights are all Ford GT as well. The interior is solid African Bubinga."
Like Sinatra, Boise's Steve Hulme has been up-and-down-and-been-all-around - on a bike whose plates proudly proclaim his Idaho carbon heritage:
"My 2000 FXDX isn't a show-stopper; in fact it's mostly stock. But I sure enjoy riding that Iron Steed down the 2-lane. (It's a rider; I've accumulated 62,000+ miles on it. I'd have more if it weren't for the family and job distractions, huh?). Two of my destinations over the years have been the highest paved road in N. America - Mount Evans, Colorado at 14,240 feet (2003), and the lowest paved road in N. America - Furnace Creek, CA (Death Valley) at -190 feet (2010). Photos attached. And EVERY elevation in between!!"
We interrupt this contest for an important public service announcement: I set a personal all-time fill up record this morning!
The natural habitat of this proud Caddy ragtop is central Texas, explains owner "Huckfunn." But where, pray tell, are the hood-mounted longhorns?
"Say howdy to Cacafuego, Huckfunn's 1974 Cadillac Eldorado convertible. She resides with Huck in the Texas hill country somewhere between Austin and Fredericksburg. She came equipped with 501 cubes of glory and a Holley 4-barrel. I added dual exhaust for more effective spewage of the deadly vapors. 1974 was the last year for fender skirts on the big Eldos. This bad girl swills hi-test at the rate of 8 MPG and will pass anything but a gas station. Her gas tank is just about the size of my bladder as she needs a refill about every 2 beers (Actually, I don't do that anymore... just reminiscing) . I love rumbling through the hill country in this big beast, top down, gulping in the last few molecules of clean air while watching in the rear-view mirror as the planet behind me bursts into flames."
J.B. Kline of New Jersey shares his delightful triumvirate of climate menaces:
"1968 DeVille Convertible. 19 feet, 5200lbs and 472 cubic inches of Detroit steel. A whopping 8mpg. The mere sight of her makes Prius drivers cry."
"1984 Yamaha RZ-350 Kenny Roberts edition. Last of the street-legal two strokes and Yamaha’s F-you to the EPA. Can also be used to fog for mosquitos when the engine is cold. It also pisses off safetycrats for its tendency to wheelie without provocation. Bonus!"
"1976 Yamaha RD-400. Another dirty-running fun as hell two stroke."
Jim sends the Prius crowd of Northern Virginia to the fainting couches with his un-PC Dodge (please note vanity plates and stickers):
"Attached photos of my green (house) machine, a 2000 Dodge Durango R/T. By my estimate about 18000 gallons of gasoline has passed through its Flowmasters in the last ten years, whether it be for the thrice daily half mile drives to the 7-11 or towing my Corvette to the race track. My wife won't drive it for fear that some Arlington VA soccer mom will accost in the school pickup line or when she drops our eight year old off at bartending lessons (extracurriculars are important on those college applications!)"
Christian Mackenzie never quite outgrew his little red wagon:
"My submission for the earth week cruise is my 1979 Little Red Express Truck. To enhance it's carbon footprint, I'm currently building a stroker small block mopar displacing 408 cubic inches, Ported AL heads, a large roller cam, headers, 770cfm carb, etc, etc. It should produce somewhere safely over 450hp which is a fair amount of spent fuel, air, and more importantly, CO2 when all four barrels are opened up all the way....which as I drive, fairly common. Besides producing prodigious amounts of Carbon Dioxide, another side benefit is this should be a pretty fast truck. To enhance the carbon footprint, the factory was kind enough to chop down a tree in to make it's pick-up bed (lined on the outside and inside)."
With a name like "Mike Rivette" you'd guess the guy would dig 'Vettes - and you'd be right:
"My neighbor and I discussing the merits of Red Corvettes here in NC. I tend to like the color of my Ruby Mag Red as it seems to blend in well with the color of my neck.."
Every year some smart aleck tries to bend the rules and sneak in some entry that is not, strictly speaking, a self-propelled vehicle powered by CO2-producing fuel. In the spirit of divine benevolence I have occasionally allowed such brazenly unqualified entries through, if only to illustrate their brazeness. Take for example this CO2-powered paint gun from Texan "Tim L":
"The attached jpg is the only known photograph of an outwardly simple, inwardly complex paintball marker. Notice the plain, even calm lines - the understated but polished, black sheen - the minimal look, the appearance of simplicity in an exotically engineered paint spraying weapon of devastation - The Tippman 98 Custom Bobber !! Lighter, faster, stronger, deadlier - kinda like Batman w/o Robin or Superman before the Justice League. The old steel tank on the right - full of CO2 and capable of crushing a grizzly bear's skull, though lucky for them there are no griz in the East Texas woods. Those squirrels better hide though. The new aluminum Ninja tank on the left - also full of CO2, stealthy, fast, capable of crushing the skulls of mosquitoes and ticks of which the East Texas woods are natural habitat. Only days ago, expertly tuned by a Tippman certified marker mechanic (high school kid w/ a screwdriver). FULL AUTO-FIRE CAPABLE and I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT."
Update April 18
I can't even begin to count the ways Ed Roe distresses the local hippies of Escondido, CA with this handsome military conveyance (note vanity plates) :
"My 'green' vehicle. 1969 5/4 ton Kaiser Jeep M725 4x4 military ambulance. Chevy 454, 4 speed overdrive auto, PS, PB, on board air compressor, 3 batteries and rotating light bar. 40 Gallon fuel tank with 10 more in cans on the back door. 8,000 lbs. GVW. Crap mileage."
Schweeeet. Brownstone, Michigan's Martin Holka offers his '08 Steeda QA350 'Stang GT, packed with a load of go-fast goodies:
Bob Judd of Daytona, FL gives new meaning to "family minivan":
"Here is a shot of my classic, 1974 MCI coach RV. It has never been a Greyhound bus and was built as a 'corporate' RV by Ohio Custom Coach when the shell was brand new. Currently it has 178,000 miles and still has the original Detroit 8V71 diesel with a Alison 70 automatic transmission. The coach will carry 15 comfortably and sleep six. I usually tow a Car Mate enclosed trailer with my HD Full Dresser for side trips."
Dave Hester prowls Kentucky for eco-trouble in his stylish retro-90's Jimmy:
"Behold the awesomeness of my 1995 GMC Sierra, stylishly painted in the original "Miami Vice Turquoise" with highlights of rust, that some foolish spendthrift who obviously had more money than sense left on a local Buy Here- Pay Here lot when it had a mere 164,000 miles on its 305 c.i. V-8. In the year that I have owned it I have observed gas mileage ranging from Gawd-awful in the city which improves to Merely Horrifying on the Interstates of Central Kentucky. Note the additional filthy hippie repellent in the form of my stylish NRA front license plate. As if a 16 year- old pickup truck needed additional filthy hippie repellent. You can never be too careful, I suppose."
Man of few words John Klobnak, apparently of Missouri, shares his 1960 MG:
Not only do David and Teresa Roth tool around in this gas-guzzler, they've gone forth and multiplied a large brood of mini-carbon criminals to fill it with:
"Introducing the Rocky Mountain Redneck, twelve-passenger, "over-population" van, flag-ship of a prodigious family's fleet of high-occupancy cruisers. Revving in at 15 mpg, it is parked adjacent to our neighbor's (decommissioned) ICBM missile silo. We are committed to propagating a new generation of carbon profligates, and are heavily fortified. Neighbor to the west is a S.W.A.T. commando with a home arsenal. Neighbor to the north lives in the aforementioned missile silo."
Pete Drum from Carmel IN soft-sells his grocery getter:
"My super-green Smart Car Station Wagon."
My Canuckistan pals Michael and Maryann Crabtree have DeFever, and the only cure is... More Carbon!
"Pictured here is our work in progress restoration of Change of Pace, our DeFever 40. She was a real fixer-up'r when we bought her 5 years ago. I am proud to say that most the work ( other than the spraying of paint ) was done by me. Change of Pace has the original, but rebuilt ( single screw ) diesel engine. She's got a nice throaty 6 banger Perkins 6.354T ( turbo charged ) diesel that puts out a mighty 185 horses. It moves along at a blistering 8 knots ( take a knot off if we are pounding into a heavy seas). We burn about 2 to 2.5 gal per hour and the boat holds 450 gal of fuel. Our cruising grounds are Georgian Bay, a long way from San Diego where she was built 38 years ago."
Neither snow nor rain no dark of night keeps Peoria, IL's Michael Taylor from top-down cruising in his Galaxie:
"Big block tire smoker. Consumes 4.5 cubic yards of Saudi Arabia per day. 450 horsepressure."
Pat Wilson of the charming burg Bee Cave, TX submits his little British petrol-pumper for your approval:
"Thanks for featuring my little Vette, The Blue Max, last year. Here is my submission for this year: my 1953 MG-TD, The Red Baron! She features the Skinner Union carburetors which allow you to actually see the exhaust and even take samples of it with a tea strainer if you need to. She leaks about a pint of oil an hour if I leave her idling but she loves me and I love her. No fibreglass here--TDs have a wooden frame!"
My Manhattan drinking pal Anthony Bialy shows off his 160-wheel daily driver:
"As a Knickerbocker, my Earth Week Cruise ride is necessarily unconventional. But it's 10 massive cars long, prominently sports an American flag decal, and hauls ass across five boroughs. Best of all, it's part of a transit system that uses as much power as the City of Buffalo. Since almost half of this nation's electricity comes from burning coal, I'm cashing in even more carbon credits than the typical sanctimonious Volt owner. I am thinking globally and acting locally, in my way."
What the hell is wrong with you slackers? I look out the trailer window this morning to see this. Obviously somebody hasn't been pulling their carbon weight. I better not see it tomorrow or there's gonna be extra homework!
April 17
Cheesehead 'Darrell K' avoids TSA patdowns with this stunning personal aircraft (aerial shots: Curt Waltz at AerialScapes):
"Here’s my gasoline guzzler that can make 100LL disappear at a rate of 18 gallons per hour. The engine is an old school fuel injected, air cooled, 6 cylinder, 540 cubic inch Lycoming born in 1960. It can produce 260 HP @ 2700 RPM. It’s mounted to the firewall of my 3 year old homebuilt Velocity XLRG. For Earth Week, I’ll be flying from Wisconsin to Florida and back at 200 MPH. Faster if I can get a little tailwind from Mother Nature."
Wow. Greg Henson of St. Louis MO damns the gas pump torpedoes and says full speed ahead:
"Here's my 2003 Jeep Wrangler TJ (The Daily Driver of Doom) with a 6" long arm lift and 37" tires. It gets about 12 miles to the gallon even after being re-geared. Also, I drive about 80 miles a day to and from work. Lately I've been blowing through about $500 a month in gas."
Mama mia! Fellow scooter enthusiast Bill Sargent of Santa Barbara CA takes a Roman holiday on this swanky Vespa Grey Ghost:
"'62 Vespa GS160, rebuilt to factory spec by yours truly. One of the rarest Vespas made, and the one of the last piston-ported 2-stroke motors. Yeah, it gets 75mpg, but it burns a 5% oil/gas mix. (think 200 Cox dune buggies all running at high rpm). Trust me, you don't want to ride behind me for too long!"
Doug S. bombs around my corn country homeland in one of the handsome-est pickemup trucks ever entered in the Earth Week Cruise:
"’51 Ford F1 (no bailout money used in the construction). Found in an Iowa pasture near Redfield, IA, had been sitting there for about 12 years… Body off restore to stock…big ‘ol flathead six…does not run well on the ethanol…. Bed is solid Red Oak."
As the bumper sticker says, 'Loud Pipes Save Lives.' As James Dodd explains, the pipes on his badass Harley say even more:
"The Tahoe is still accounting for about five percent of the US oil imports, but I've gone and built something over the winter that should really piss off the well to do in this part of the world. My 1972 harley xlch short chop. Lots of time and work went into it, with one goal always kept clearly in mind: piss off everyone in some fashion. Hardtailed, springer front end and open drags. It gets looks, some appreciative, most annoyed. Most harley's make an exhaust sound like potato-potato, mine sounds more like up-yours-up-yours. It's a cantankerous bitch being kick only with 10:1 compression, but it's my cantankerous bitch."
My pal Crazy Bill Kriwko, proprietor of Chicago's U.S. Steel Works hot rod & chopper shop, always has some fine rides - like this Harley bobber and under construction Model A roadster. When complete, we'll be racing for some as-yet determined humiliation.
Robert Shaw - of some location I hope is near a body of water - shares his Eliminator 33 Daytona bass fishin' rig:
"Twin 900 hp. Fuel burn measured in gallons per minute. Al gore eat your heart out."
"Farmer Joe" from Massachusetts tends his fields in this handsome Trumpet:
"My ride. A 2003 Triumph America. Nothing fancy but it pumps out the carbon with the best of 'em."
Canada's Jim McNeill takes a trip down carbon memory lane:
"Well, I've been pumping CO2 into the atmosphere since I was three years old! And I have the photographic proof!! First we have yours truely in the bulldozer dad built for me in 1967 Next we see the first Plywagon, built in 1976 on a VW Bug. Next up was our 1200 Harley suicide shift. A former police bike rebuilt After that came the 69 Triumph 650 Tiger. Another former police bike! Then we the Paddywagon, again built on a VW Bug. And lastly we see Willit Run, our hovercraft. An old rebuilt snowmobile engine for thrust and a 10 hp Briggs for lift. That is about a third of my dad and I's projects over a 20 year period. I had one cool dad."
As proprietor of this joint, I will take my annual prerogative and post my own entries first. Many of you are familiar with my 1931 Ford Coupe of Justice; I am happy to announce that its follow up project, the 1932 Ford Coupe of Wrath is in sight of completion. Here it is a few days ago at Drew Didio's Suicide Axle Hot Rods after a fresh coat of white epoxy primer. The carbon huffer on this feller will be an L76 Chevy 327 topped by 2 Carter WCFBs.
Go ahead, tell me your scooter jokes, I've heard 'em all. But I will let you know that beneath its La Dolce Vita veneer, My '63 Lambretta Li150 Special is the most prodigious planet violator in my vehicular fleet. With a 175cc bore kit and 4% oil mix, this lil' bambina pumps out more particulates than my 5.7 liter F150 truck can even dream of. And the unsafest, too! You can't understand fear until you're going 60mph on 10" wheels.
