As noted in the last post, the White House is scrambling to solicit applications from US high schools for its "Commencement Challenge," the gala grand prize of which is a graduation speech delivered by the President himself. Despite the lure of such an irresistable award, the administration was forced to extend the deadline two weeks after receiving only 14 applications.
Sadly, there is only so much President Obama to go around, so I have decided to make another inspirational speaker available to the Class of 2012: me. That is why I am temporarily opening the comments on this post for entries into the 2012 Iowahawk Commencement Cage Match Smackdown for the right to have me stumble to the dais of your school and tell your graduates what-for.
In order to apply for this honor, please supply the following information:
1. The name and location of your High School / GED Center / Youth Correctional Facility
2. Level and type of honorarium / bribe you are willing to pay (cash, car parts, intoxicants, etc.)
3. A brief essay on the topic: "why our graduates deserve to suffer through a speech by Dave".
Please, no wagering and no foreign objects. Like the White House contest, the entry deadline is midnight tonight. Despite spotting Mr. Obama a 364.5 day head start, I'd like to think I can surpass him on entries.
Applicants, Start Your Keyboards!
UPDATE: Please note: under no circumstances will I speak at any high school remotely associated with this