Write a 30 Second Radio Spot to Stop Scott Brown
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, Republicans elected in Massachusetts... mass hysteria!
That's right: if the latest polls are to believed, ultra-evil GOP candidate Scott Brown has drawn within striking distance of Democrat Martha Coakley in the race for the Massachusetts US Senate seat. If -- God forbid -- Brown wins, he will be the first Republican elected in the state since Cotton Mather, and America will soon descend into a post-apocalyptic fundamentalist hellscape of witch trials and cross-burnings, interrupted only by the ritual mass bulldozing of corpses killed by lack of access to affordable health care. Not to mention relaxed federal fuel efficiency standards!
Thankfully, independent concerned citizen groups such as ACORN, SEIU, and Multinational Pharmaceutical Executives for Good Government have stepped into the breach to create issue-oriented, informational media messages to point out Brown's insatiable appetite for toddler blood, his membership in a paramilitary death squad, and his palatial multi-thousand dollar timeshare in Aruba.
It's a good start, but not nearly enough if we are to avoid the galactic dystopian wasteland that awaits if Brown and his hate radio masters pull off this illegal coup. That's why I've opened up the comments for a limited time so you, the concerned Iowahawk reader, can provide your own 30 second Stop Scott Brown radio ad scripts.
No promises, but I will prevail upon some voice talent pals to produce the best submissions into actual audio clips in time for the election. (If you're a good voice person drop an email at the link on your left). Act now before it's too late! To get the ball rolling, here's a couple from me:
UPDATE 2/18: WE HAVE A WINNER!
"No Truckin' Way"
Say, I really like Scott Brown's pickup truck. It's wicked pissah!
Sure, Ted. If you like lynchings.
Just look at the record, Ted. From James Byrd to Matthew Shepard to the last scene in Easy Rider, pickup trucks are the official vehicles of Southern Republican lynch mobs. So are you still voting for Scott Brown?
No truckin' way!
"Brown and Red and White All Over"
Just how brown is Republican Scott "Brown"? Here's what the Republican says:
SCOTT BROWN CLIP
I'm Scott Brown.
But the pictures tell a different story. In fact, Republican Scott Brown is not brown at all. He's 100% lily white. And 100% Republican. if Republican Scott "Brown" is willing to lie about that, what else is he willing to lie about?
Republican liar Scott "Brown." Wrong on color, and wrong for Massachusetts. And Republican.
"'Bill Buckner' for Scott Brown"
Some of the following celebrity voices may be impersonated.
Hi. This is former Red Sox big leaguer Bill Buckner. If there's anything I enjoy more than breaking the hearts of Boston baseball fans, it's voting for Scott Brown. I'm voting for Scott Brown because he will shut down the St. Patrick's Parade and turn it into Yankees Appreciation Day. I like that. I also like the fact that Scott Brown plans to sell a fatal poisoned dose of cocaine to Tom Brady, just like he did with Len Bias.
I'm "Bill Buckner," and I approve this message.
Many thanks to all who participated in the comedy competition, but I'm afraid further entries would be futile after this gut-busting, over-the-top parody of fetid desperation and delusional paranoia:
Congratulations to master satirist Keith Obermann of New York, NY! Please enjoy your grand prize: an all-expense-paid weekend getaway to Gracie Square Psychiatric Hospital!