None Dare Call it Art

After battling a head cold all weekend (with the old family cranberry juice and vodka remedy) I was delighted to discover my inbox runneth over with submissions for the prestigious Iowahawk Endowment for the Arts $33.18 Steel Cage Art Death Match.

Below the fold you will find a visual feast of astonishing artistic genius, produced by Iowahawk's talented and frightening readers, updated frequently as I get new submissions (deadline noon Oct. 4). Study carefully and take detailed notes, for the best of the submissions will be culled at the end of the week for a vote to determine the winner of the grand prize $33.18 grant!

UPDATE 9/29: Another handsome crapload of art just in from the email loading docks! Thanks to all for the submissions, and keep 'em coming. But please -- no more Obama Icon / Shepard Fairey automatic image stuff. Enter the land of your i-mag-i-na-tion! Intoxicants may help.

UPDATE 9/30: The hits keep coming, now up to 48 entries! Some have been squished down in size to fit the page here, but you can click on any picture to embiggen.

UPDATE 10/1: The relentless onslaught of aesthetic beauty continues! To save page load time, I've inserted a page expansion break for older entries. Don't worry, all the art is still there, just click 'read more'.

UPDATE 10/2: Only 48 more hours before entry deadline! I remind you: original works only (e.g., don't send links to somebody else's stuff) and no more Obama icon parodies. We also have a full quota of song parodies, sil vous plait.

UPDATE 10/3: Tick tock tick tock... get cracking if you want a chance for that 33.18 large, entries close noon CDT tomorrow. Best bring your artistic A game, as you can see by the swanky entries below!

UPDATE 10/4: Errrrnnnnt!! Sorry, no more entries at this time. Tomorrow, voting commences!

	Entry #89  " Iowahawk Custom Smart-Rod Hipstermobile" I don't want to prejudice the voting, but it appears that the fates have save me the best for last. This midblowingly awesome bit of Rothian hot rod monster art comes from blogger / illustrator John Manders, who writes: "How I pine for those carefree days of my youth, squandered amidst the fragrant and beckoning fumes of model cement and those little bottles of Testor’s model paint. When I see today’s dull, uninspired fuel-efficient vehicles, I pine especially for Ed ‘Big Daddy’ Roth, who designed those model cars I painstakingly glued together. What would such a titan have made of the Smart Car? Herewith, my submission. a Big Daddy Roth Smart Car with the iconic Iowahawk manning the wheel a la Rat Fink."
	Entry #88  "D.B." How I looked in my 1980s video arcade action game, as imagined by Christian Hoopes.
	Entry #87  "Barack Obobblehead" From aspiring commercial artist Suzie 1.
	Entry #86  "Just Say Yes to Iowahawk" Submitted by Lina George, with the following: "I've delegated the job of Muse to my 14-month old daughter, in this photographic piece. It focuses on a visual trinity symbolizing both self-destruction and nourishment.  There is also the obvious battle between good (Iowahawk) and evil (drugs).  The Obama quote set everything off nicely.  Plus my kid is cute as hell, and that mac and cheese was delicious."
	Entry #85  "I Am Iowahawk" A thematic slideshow gallery (full size here) from Texan Don Parsley. From the artist manifesto:   "my attempt to further the "We are all Iowahawk" theme, only using Leftist Tools in all testimonials. All sport a different version of Glasses, Pipe and "Pipe Creature" in homage to your Greatness. Was introduced to Iowahawk via links from Professor Reynolds (who I include in this collection of Lefties only because I wanted an excuse to do something with the Puppy in a Blender.)"
	Entry #84  "Iowahawk by a Nose" From Virginia artist K. Kahn, who notes: "Attached is my magnum opus. It is the culmination of my five minute artistic career. I doubt that I will have the ability or mental acumen to duplicate this effort. Please accept this humble submission and consider me a contender worthy of $33.18 (and a can of Schlitz)."
	Entry #83  "Imagine" Artist "Wholebrainer" invokes the free spirited optimism of the 1960s and imagines a utopian future where all will pledge their liege to me, and my unstoppable 1000-year empire of iron-fisted peace and harmony.  Sigh, a fella can always dream.
	Entry #82  "Flash Mob Performance Art Concept" Sudstown blogger and occasional Iowahawk drinking pal Heather Radish sends in this grant proposal that combines two of my favorite things: Greek classicism and strippers. "My proposal combines performance art with the 21st century social phenomenon known as the "flash mob." When your army of devotees receives a signal with a seemingly random location (Hyde Park, Nancy Pelosi's condo, the Rose Bowl, Bonneville Flats, etc), they will converge to recite your greatest work, The Idiossey. Participants will be encouraged to wear Doric chitons and crowns of arugula, and to leave their TelePrompters at home. My five-year-old nephew (representing the future generations of Iowahawk fans) will conclude the performance with a rousing rendition of the U of Iowa fight song on his kazoo, and the mob will disperse, leaving awe and wonderment in its wake. I believe we can repeat the performance 15-16 times before the national media even notices! Attached please find Doric chiton instructions swiped from Wikimedia." How 'bout that! Turns out the ancient Greeks invented Brazilian waxing and the Snuggie.
This contest is discriminatory. I'm handicapped and can't make the deadline. That's not fair, and it hurts my feelings. I'm handicapped by my time zone. I live in Hawaii which is SIX hours earlier then New York, for example I'm going to submit something, but under protest, and it's definitely not my best work, and I'm filing a complaint.	Entry #81  "Art Contest Complaint" From Hawaiian conceptual poet D. Sliwowski.
	Entry #80  "Yes, Wee Can" If Marcel Duchamp can make art out of a pissoir, Iowahawk reader "Coach X" figures why can't I? From the artist's pitch perfect gallery bullshit notes: "This modernized "Fountain" transcends the visceral instinct, thereby,challenging our inherent group prejudices. The readymade symbolic concept liberates the once was for the hope that is to pee. Fashioning elements of the anti-art to the limiting conventions of Joe-the -plumber reveals a transcending manifestation of bloated hubris only rivaled by the solitary. "Yes,wee can" in many ways asserts this demonization and contempt for the creator thus unshackling our imprisonment of logic and reason, thereby constructing a communal exchange of regulated interests. Spin Marcel. Spin."
JABBERHAWKY 'Twas brillig, and the slithy corn Did wilt and wither in the field: All mimsy was the soybean stalk, And sorghum failed to yield. "Beware the Nematode, my son!" Spoke HawkPa through his gums: The frumious genes, the jaws that munch!" "It eats our crops for fun." Hawk took the tractor keys in hand: Long time, the pesticides he sprayed -- Then rested by the pigsty land, And smelt it as he laid. The fumes put stagger in his walk, Then Nematode called out his name-- Came burbling thence toward Iowahawk, Corn blighting as it came! One, Two! One, Two! And through and through The harvester blades went snicker-snack! Hawk left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back. "Oh, hast thou slain the Corn Blight? Say! Come to my arms, my beamish boy! Oh frabjous day! The EPA Will soon be after us!" 'Twas brillig, and the harvest huge-- Another year the farm did live, All mimsey were the 4-H girls, Their favors each did give.	Entry #79  "Jabberhawky" A Lewis Carroll joint from Harry Bergeron, in which I do battle against the fearsome Nematode, and the fearsomer EPA.
	Entry #78  "Mother's Worry" I took the liberty of naming this piece from Rick Schick which nicely references my favorite artist, Ed "Big Daddy" Roth.
IowaHawk Interceptor 3 oz. Midnight Moon moonshine 1 oz. Countreau 1 oz. Lime Juice 1 oz. Roses Lime Cordial Shake with ice until cold. Strain into cocktail glass (or pipe) and enjoy swiftly, before the law catches up.	Entry #77  "Iowahawk Interceptor" mixed media piece in illustration and cocktail recipe from Doug Pegu, who explains: It's a cocktail made with Junior Johnson's own brand of legal, commercial (and still somehow good) moonshine, Midnight Moon.
Growing in the corn See the chrysalis’ jewel Comic prose takes wing On the fragile wings of freedom merry words do play but now that we own GM we're all screwed today.	Entry #76  "Butterfly Sandwich On Poem Bread" KT Cat from The Scratching Post provides this inspiring entry. Artist comments here.
	Entry #75  "Obama in Repose" A photo study by Frenchily-named Floridian Yvette Meunier. "I don't think he's ever looked more regal, but that's just me," Yvette adds.
There once was a man from ChicagO Endowed with an enormous egO His words do inspire Not Hope, but satire Its Iowahawk, not ObamO Burma Shave	Entry #74  "Limerick" From Nantucket poet laureate "Charliefreak" who sez: "I can never hear the word “Endowment” without thinking of a certain gentleman from an island off the coast of Massachusetts.  With those five lines ringing in my head, I offer the following limerick in honor of the IowOne."
	Entry #73  "Uncle Bam Wants You" M. Harris' parody of the 1917 J.M. Flagg classic.
	Episode #72  "The Satire Strikes Back" My New York drinking pal and photographer Ian Wilson discusses this swell bit of scifi fantasy art he created for the competition: "The Force is strong in the new film "Iowa Hawk" from George Lucas... At long last, our hero, Iowahawk, will play the role of the Dark Lord-- See the completion of the Death Star! (Only 14 years late due to Imperial Union work rules!) Watch the human flight from Tatooine! Be amazed as he sells property on Alderaan minutes before the planet is destroyed! Behold the first Jawa Stormtrooper! (after relaxation of physical requirements!) Fall for his romantic side as he courts Leia, as played by MacKenzie Phillips! Cheer as that naive, womp-rat hunting, evaporation farming sandbilly and his much-older running mate get their come-uppance! In theatres soon..."
	Entry #71  "The Monolith; Or, in Iowa, The Dark Grain Elevator" Does the monkey represent online mankind? The pipe stupidity? A deeply thought provoking psychedelic Space Oddity from artist Gustav Wolter.
	Entry #70  "Ceci n'est pas un Empty Suit" A nifty nod to Magritte by the poetically monikered Rick Shick.
	Entry #69  "A Man Among Giants" My corn country homeboy Scott from Cedar River Salmon submits this piece to celebrate my legendary talent for crashing parties.
	Entry #68  "Deliver Us, Iowahawk" (Composition With Scrap Paper, Paper Clip, and Campaign Sign) Artist Jim Williamson adds: "Inspired by the works of Piet Mondrian, Robert Rauschenberg, and Colonel Wilhelm Klink."
	Entry #67  "We Are All Iowahawk! Support Him!" A timely Public Service Announcement from Harry Bergeron.
	Entry #66  "Burge in Space" Paul Binkley atones for his egregious yet talented rule breaking (see entry #64) with a video homage: "Glorious worker apologize for Fairey agitprop previous. People's Education Czar not tell students to read rules. In compensation, glorious worker offer historic documentation of People's Corn Powered Rocket Technology, defeating decadent West."
	Entry #65  "In a perfect Obama World - Times Square" Hope and Change meets Blade Runner in this entry from Shirley J.
	Entry #64  "Variations on a Theme by Shepard Fairey" Sigh. Apparently some of you just can't be bothered with my specific request no more Shepard Fairey parodies. I will make an exception in the case of Paul Binkley, because his 7 entries seen here are actually amazingly good. (I've emphasized my fave Cthulhu).  After this, though, no more. Seriously. I mean it. Stop.
	Entry #63  "Genius / Supergenius" A Chuck Jones inspired diptych featuring two dipshits. Artist "Bob" entitles the first one "The One (Haughtius maximus)."
	Entry #62  "Iowa Hudson Hawk" From Michigander Margie Wojcik, who sez: "This is a Hudson I think... ["Hudson Hawk" - wasn't that a Bruce Willis movie...] Anyway, did this in Adobe Illustrator years ago. It's been sitting in my hard drive all this time just hoping for the right finishing touch of transformative change."
THE FIRST BOOKE OF THE      IOWA HAWKE. Contayning THE LEGENDE OF THE KNIGHT OF THE RED ASSE. A Gentle Knight came pricking 'crost the plaine,     Y cladd in mightie Deuce with siluer grille,     Wherein old dents of deepe wounds did remaine,     The cruell markes of many' a bondo'd fille;     Welder till that time did he neuer wield:     His angry steede did chide the goosing Pedal,     As much disdayning to the curbe to yield:     Full iolly knight he seemd, of lucid Mettle, As one for knightly giusts yet fiercer satires fitt.	Entry #61  "Booke of the Iowa Hawke" A remarkable entry from "comatus," first stanza of the yet unfinished Middle English epic poem about me and my Deuce coupe.
The Battle Hymn of the Obamatons Barack Hussein Obama is    the coming of the Lord! He has taken o’er the banks    where all the cap’t’list wealth is stored, He runs all the auto comp’nies    save those bastards out at Ford! His lies keep rolling on! Glory, glory, hallelujah! Barack Obama is our ruler! Glory, glory, hallelujah! His lies keep rolling on! I have seen Him at the podium ‘fore    a thousand sycophants, They have built Him fine Greek columns    lit with million wattage lamps, He creates a carbon footprint    like a herd of elephants: Hypocrisy marches on. Glory, glory, hallelujah! Barack Obama is our ruler! Glory, glory, hallelujah! Hypocrisy marches on.	Entry #60  "The Battle Hymn of the Obamatons" A respectful ditty for our nation's schoolkids from PGG. The complete piece with all verses can be found here.
	Entry #59  "Children of the Corn" A haunting cinematic documentary tribute to me and my beloved home state, lovingly compiled by Jeffrey Heileman. From the artist's note: "A simple film, showing the lowly farm worker exploited by their capitalist masters. To build up my artistic cred, all images, music and videos are shamelessly stolen. Many from you. Now give me my money!"
	Entry #58  "Poker Face" I am frequently asked, "why the dog?" As illustrated here by "Uncle the Lew," the answer is simple -- he helps me cheat at cards.
David Lithe youth, that the Florentine genius Did not dare sculpt with an erection Who beaned the giant with a rock Hurled Truth to Power Likegravelkickedupbyrocketing crotchetinghindmostwheels Youmakemecomecomecome An Orgasm Electrical Orgasm Electoral Orgasm O... O O. You know. know know owe who? ? ? Do it now, O O O	Entry #57  "David" What would an art show be without a controversial bit of explicit ribaldry to shock the bluenoses? This blush-inducing verse comes from a saucy Canadian poetess who asks to be identified only as "Mary."
	Entry #56  "The New Hawk of Iowa for Obama's America!" This bold work of Dada-influenced early Stalin agitprop come courtesy Mark Holland of Hatless in Hattiesburg.
	Entry #55  "The Great Leap Forward" By the North Stamford Artist's Collective, James Currin Coordinator. Carrot refill ink on photo paper, glossy.
	Entry #54  "Ceci n'est pas une Iowahawk" artist John Wollaeger adds, "And this is not really art." But a brief word of congratulations to Mr. Wollaeger for being the first Iowahawk reader to solve one of the secret hidden riddles of DogPipe Guy: the pipe is indeed lifted from Magritte's "Ceci n'est pas une pipe."
	Entry #53  "Iowahawk Me a River" Contributing artist "Crusty" elucidates on this urban performance piece: "Me and my kayak-paddling, asshole artist friends, using nothing but black and white food coloring plus several thousand gallons of hobo blood, turned the Chicago River into a political statement! Later at Area 6 Chicago Police Headquarters we made other statements, like “please stop hitting me with the telephone book!” and “the radiator is making my handcuffs hot!” But we were willing to suffer for art. And $33.18 of beer money."
	Entry #52  "Health Plan" Readers/artists "a & n" pithily explain: "art!"
	Entry #51  "Public Service Announcement" A lyrical poem set to typography from Kevin Kennedy. Slightly bowdlerized for our daintier patrons.
	Entry #50  "Iowahawk Demands a Fully Established Veterinary System for the Prevention of Epidemics!" Reader Harry Bergeron knows my passion for healthy animals.
	Entry #49  "The Birdie on the Windowsill" An update of Edgar A. Poe by reader Sam Stephens.