U.S. Government Unveils Health Care Partnership With God Inc.
WASHINGTON (Iowahawk Business PR Wire) -- U.S. Government CEO Barack Obama announced today that his firm had embarked on a new joint venture with metaphysical industrial giant God, saying that "We are God’s partners in matters of life and death."
"This partnership is a natural," said Obama. "We both are unfathomably large, we both control people's lives, we both work in mysterious ways, we both have a fanatical customer base. Instead of competing, it just made basic business sense to work together to become the premier developer of mission critical life-and-death operating systems."
The announcement came before the annual GodCon trade show in Las Vegas, where Obama gave a product demo of the iGod heath care rationing device, the first of what he said would be "many development projects" between US Government and God. He encouraged independent God developers to support the closed-source iGod / iGov health care platform, warning that "woe be unto the unlicensed app developer, for he shall be smote by a vengeful hail of ACORNs."
Other iGod apps currently in beta test include an end-of-life calculator, income leveler, and a wireless database detector for anti-government heretics and apostates.
"I believe this exciting health care partnership opportunity with the Almighty will be every bit as successful as our previous peace partnerships in the Middle East, and will pave the way for an eventual merger," said Obama. No date has been set for Government-God merger plans, but the FTC has signalled it would give quick approval.
To finance the project, Obama said US Government would seek US$2 trillion in a 103rd round of involuntary venture capital.
Headquartered in Washington DC, U.S. Government (NASDAQ: USAGOV) employs over 4,000,000 full time workers, with projected 2009 revenues of US$1.7 trillion and EBITDA of (minus) $2.1 trillion. Founded in 1789, the firm produces a diversified portfolio of products and services including military operations, postal delivery, free money, automobiles, and I.O.U.s. Its Health Care division has been in business since 1965.
God, Inc. is a privately traded, infinitely dimensionless enterprise headquartered on the ethereal plane, and has been the largest vendor of corporeal reality, including life and death, since its founding at the alpha origin of time. Its financial prospectus and mission statement were unavailable at press time.