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Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah

The Summer Camp Letters of U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson

CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

June 8, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are you? I am fine. I am having fun at camp. Today we swam. I rememburd to wait 30 minutes after eating. The hot dogs were delishus. I am in a cabin with the older boys and there are 6 including me and I got a top bunk. Please send $1.75 for wallet project. I have to go now it is lites out.

Love,

Henry

*********************************
CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

June 16, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are things at home? It is O.K. here at camp exept some of the older boys tese me about my tallness and reseeding hairline. Thank you for the money. I won a badje for the wallet I made for Dad wich I have sent you. Today we swam again and did a wood burning project. Tonight we had a campfier and the older boys told gost stories about the snipes wich was realy realy scarey. I want to go home, please send money for a bus ticket it costs $18.

Love,

Henry

*********************************
CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

June 24, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am glad you liked my wallet I made for you. Thank you for the bus ticket money. I dont need to come home any more the other boys have been much nicer after I shared the bus money. Tonight they said they would let me go on the snipe hunt with them next week. Please send $10 for snipe hunt bags and suplys.

Your Son,

Henry

*********************************
CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

July 1, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are you? Thank you for the snipe hunt money. I am sorry because I will need a extra $12 snipe hunt money. Jimmy who is the leader of the older boys said it was to rainey for snipe hunting. Jimmy used the last money to buy some fiercrakers and bottel rockets from the stand down the road for the 4th of July. Please also send $8 for Jimmy to buy estra fiercrakers for me. 

Happy birthday America!

Henry

*********************************
CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

July 6, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

It is hot here in camp today but we cant swim because of the latreen blowed up from a big masterious fierworks exsplosion and contamonated the lake. That is why the camp is sending you a bill for $106.57 even it was not my fault. I was in bed when it happenned scouts honor. The camp counseler Mr. Beatty asked every body who buyed the fierworks and they all pointed at me. Jimmy says that I can finaley go on the snipe hunt friday night afted my punishment is over so please send $14 for suplys. Well have to go now Mr. Beatty is making me clean up the dead fish.

Love,

Henry

*********************************
CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

July 12, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are you? I am very tired. Last night was the big snipe hunt so I am realy tired. It was realy dark and scarey but Jimmy and the other boys stayed close to me most of the time. We heard a lowd noise in the woods and Jimmy told me it was a snipe and that I shood go check it out. I got lost and scarred. When I got back there were cigaret buts and beer cans all over the ground. There was also a nauty lady magazine but I did'nt peek I promise. Jimmy said they must have been from the snipe. Jimmy says the really big snipes like drinking beer and little kids blood. I had a nitemare last night and cood'nt sleep. Jimmy says we can keep the snipes away from the camp if we just had enouf money for playboys and beer and cigarets. Please send me $25 dollars for snipe bate I dont want to die! Also please sent $8 to Mr. Beatty for a new mattress becase I wet the bed last nite realy bad.

Your Son,

Henry

*********************************
CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

July 21, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for the snipe money. All the kids in camp even the older boys say I am a hero for saving everybody from the snipes. I even get to sit at the big tabel at lunch time. When I was giving the snipe money envalope to Jimmy Mr. Beatty saw us and aksed what was going on. Jimmy told him and Mr. Beatty looked kind of funny. But then Mr. Beatty also said I was a hero to! And gave me a speshial hero badje!

Mr. Beatty said no more snipe hunts becuase it is to dangerus and these are exstra big snipes the kind that coold eat lots of kids. He said he and his grownup frends from the colege will keep watch out for the snipes but it will cost allot a exstra money for snipe traps and things. Mr. Beatty says $700 oght to do it. Please help!! The hole camp is in danger!!

Love,

Henry

*********************************
CAMP WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC WISCONSIN
"Where Boys Learn the Ways of Nature"

Augest 3, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

I have good new and bad news!  The good news is that Mr. Beatty and colege frends have keept the snipes away from the camp sence my last letter. The bad news is that they are geting closer every night and the sounds are geting lowder and scarier. There are cigarets and beer cans everyware and even real girl underpants. Mr. Beatty is geting realy tired and dosen't get out of his cabin till after lunch. He says to thank you for the $700 dolars but unless he gets another $300 were all goners from the snipes and also because the camp is runing out of food. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help!!! I am to young to dye!!

Love,

Henry

*********************************

OFFICE OF JUVENILE PROTECTIVE SERVICES
WAPSIPINOCONOMOWAC COUNTY WISCONSIN
"Keeping Our Community's Children Safe"

Augest 9, 1956

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are you? I am fine. I am sorry about the troubel and having to cansel your vacation. Sherrif Olsen says they cant find your money but Jimmy is headed to reform school and Mr. Beatty will probly go to jail for at least a month. On the ride to the polise stashion he even let me play the siren! Sherrif Olsen says he will drive me to the bus stashion as soon as you wire $18 for the ticket. Also he says you might have to drive me back here next month to testafy for Mr. Beattys trial.

I cant wait to get home to show you my badjes! Also I am sorry Dad is out of money but I hope he are enjoying the wallet I made.

Your Son,

Henry

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Iowahawk found the letters of a young Henry Paulson. The writing was on the wall: July 12, 1956 Dear Mom and Dad, How are you? I am very tired. Last night was the big snipe hunt so I am realy tired. It was realy dark and scarey but Jimmy and the other ... [Read More]

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    "Sheer genius"
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  • Roger Kimball, Pajamas Media
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    "Hilarious"
  • Mark Steyn
    "Meticulous... one man investigative unit"
  • Ace, Ace of Spades HQ
    "Fucking brilliant... Well played, Iowahawk"
  • Mary Katherine Ham
    "Hands down the best damn roadkill-centric caucus coverage you'll read"
  • Wat Tyler, Burning Our Money (UK)
    "brilliant and scary insight"
  • Paul Kedrosky, Infectious Greed
    "I really don't know how best to summarize IowaHawk's you-are-there white-trash treatise... If you crossed Hunter Thompson and Michael Lewis, you might get something this angry and bizarre"
  • The McMuffins (UK)
    "Iowahawk and his lovely wife... did not appear to be the psychopathic stalking killers we had been warned about, although that Iowahawk did have a murderous look in his eyes and an unusual amount of froth coming from his mouth"
  • Washington Times
    "Objectively hilarious"
  • Ace, Ace of Spades HQ
    "trust Iowahawk to bring the funny"
  • Hugh Hewitt
    "My turn on the Iowahawk carving board."
  • Ryan Cochran, The Jalopy Journal
    "Good pal and loon"
  • Los Boulevardos
    "Facts: 1) I think blogs are gay. 2) That dude has a rad blog."
  • AutoBlog
    "a very cool blogger"
  • Boing Boing
    "Our pal"
  • The Intertubes
    "Iowahawk must be one of the awesomest pack-rats ever"
  • Hog on Ice
    "Might as well not exist"
  • chasovschik
    "Iowahawk представляет впечатляющую коллекцию антикварных сельскохозяйственных приборов"
  • The Sophistry
    "One of the best writers in the world."
  • בצל טוב (Good Onion - Israel)
    אמנם היה קיץ והזרימה חלשה יותר, וגם ההצקות של זבובוני החול זה לא משהו שאפשר להתעלם ממנו, אבל באמת היה סיור יפה (הרבה מחיאות כפיים, צעיר ערבי שהכרתי וגו’).
  • Karl Maher
    "Dave Burge can read the terrorists' minds!"
  • Instapundit
    "Iowahawk for President: he's got my vote!"
  • Hugh Hewitt
    "2008's Christopher Walken... bad news"
  • House of Dumb
    "Fortunately, there's always Iowahawk to give us that 'last cigarette in front of the firing squad' feeling"
  • Adam Smith Institute (UK)
    "Tom Lehrer was wrong, satire is not dead yet."
  • Procurando Vagas
    "Todo ano o site Iowahawk promove um concurso bem diferente, o Miss Presidiária, onde você escolhe a condenada mais bonita dos EUA do ano... Mais vamos ajudar a patricinha e dar uma força, porque ela merece"
  • EU Referendum
    "superlative... wonderfully funny"
  • Panikowsky
    "А вот сатирическая издевка по мотивам..."
  • Balagan
    "Le blog américain Iowahawk, qui traite l'actualité par la dérision, a transposé les évènements du Moyen Orient dans le Midwest américain en jouant sur le fait que Mideast veut dire Moyen Orient"
  • Power Line
    "Amazing"
  • Zombie (ZombieTime)
    "Iowahawk is the most underpaid man in America"
  • Manolo (Manolo's Shoe Blog)
    "You are indeed super fantastic!"
  • Little Miss Attila
    "Iowahawk's the kind of guy you'd want to run into in that alternate universe. You know: the one in which no one is married, and the bars stay open all night"
  • Robert Spencer (Jihad Watch)
    "marvelously dead-on"
  • Banzai Aphrodite
    "Iowahawk reminds me why I love blogs"
  • Dan Collins (Protein Wisdom)
    "I pretty much suck Iowahawk's d***"
  • Free Counterpoint
    "This man is brilliant."
  • Lawrence Henry, American Spectator
    "The Internet humor champ"
  • Blacklake (Hot Air Comments)
    "I’d say Iowahawk was a genius, but geniuses aren’t generally very clever. Plus, studies have shown that nine out of ten have no idea how to clean a carb. So, statistically speaking, his geniushood is unlikely."
  • Michael Malone (ABC News 'Silicon Insider')
    "The great Web satirist"
  • Deep Thought Blog
    "Possibly the funniest blogger on Earth"
  • The Weekly Standard
    "Fantastic and profane parody"
  • Jonah Goldberg (National Review Online)
    "Very Funny... Much profanity, natch"
  • State 29
    "The King of all Insightful Vulgarness"
  • Gerard Van der Leun (Pajamas Media)
    "The Master of Disaster... Where else on the web can you channel-surf the spirits of Mark Twain and Big Daddy Roth on the same page?"
  • Dean Barnett (HughHewitt.com)
    "The reigning comic genius of the blogosphere"
  • James Taranto (Wall St Journal's Best of the Web)
    "the best way to respond to this sort of thing is with mockery, as blogger Iowahawk... devastatingly does"
  • Right Wing Bob
    "Iowahawk remains probably the most versatile purveyor of America - boosting depravity on the scene today"
  • Daily Kos commentors
    "The new McCarthyism... F***ing pr***. Now go cry to momma" ... “just punch the stupid f***er out"..."shut [his] f***ing mouth while I'm pummelling him"..."me & my brick in a dark alley"... "sharpen your knives"... "“maybe [he] will consider the possibility of getting a shot in the teeth”
  • Dr. Melissa Clouthier
    "Most bloggers would lose a bar room brawl. There are exceptions."
  • Rand Simberg (Transterrestrial Musings)
    "Next time Iowahawk beats up on you, just take it. If you try to fight back, it only gets worse. It's like one of those monsters that, the harder you fight it, the stronger it gets, because it actually feeds on your pathetic swats."
  • Blog Québécois
    "If Iowahawk ever decides to turn his guns on you, accept your beating with good grace and a rueful chuckle. If you try to fight back, it only gets funnier."
  • Roger Kimball (The New Criterion)
    "The excellent weblog IowaHawk summarized some of the thoughts I had... I must also laud David Burge of IowaHawk for his gritty pragmatism. He is no armchair crusader, full of empty imprecations."
  • Michelle Malkin
    "Iowahawk brings the funny"
  • Blackfive
    "This pipe-smokin' assassin is the pure ass heat"
  • James Waterton (Samizdata)
    "bloody magnificent... Is there a Nobel prize for comedy? If not, we damn well need one"
  • Mark Steyn
    "I take my hat off. This belongs to a very select group of Jokes I Wish I'd Thought Of First: 'It's that time of year when we honor the ultimate MILF: Mother Earth'"
  • Jim Treacher
    "I don't LIKE you. I LOVE you. In a GAY way."
  • Bill Whittle
    "I've met him, you know -- Iowahawk. 6'7" he is, arms like mighty oak trees, legs like even mightier oak trees: clear grey eyes looking to the far horizon, his lantern jaw set against the approaching storm but yet with a slight hint of a distant smile bourne of many combats won and mortal enemies vanquished. I stood speechless in his presence at a restaurant in Marina del Rey --- just speechless, weeping silently at the sheer magnetism and force of personality coming off the man in seismic waves; a transcendental, religious experience that kept me awake for a week, as if I had seen the heavens split open in a blaze of orange and purple glory, and all of God's Great Plan revealed. And when he finally did speak, it was the sound of distant thunder echoing off ancient mountains, a sound that predates mankind's puny schreeching -- a sound that, indeed, is antecedent to the founding of Life on Earth and comes carried through the ether on the shock wave of ancient dying stars. And though he only spoke twelve words during the four hours I stood in his presence, those words are with me still, a perfect dozen seared into my memory, written in gold across the great hall of my mind. He said, 'HEY, CAN YOU GET THIS ONE? I LEFT MY WALLET AT HOME.'"
  • Spongeworthy
    "But no shit, Iowahawk might get up tomorrow, get baked, grab his beautiful wife and ride his moped backwards to a Hells Angel rally, then drink himself into oblivion and fight about 7 crank dealers from the Racine chapter of the Death Jokers all by himself. Then maybe he'd go home, romance the beautiful wife, build a perfect retro treehouse for his perfect kids, drink a bottle of tequila, prepare a 3-course meal while beating away a push-in home invader and sacrificing him on a makeshift, though historically accurate, Inca altar he built in the woods behind the railroad tracks. Then he'd sit down and knock out a tremedously insulting Leftist parody that pissed off thread after thread of Kos and DU lunatics, romance the bride once again and fall asleep chuckling. It's like he's Paul Bunyan and Mark Twain rolled up into one hipster"
  • Allahpundit
    "profane... bloodthirsty... hilarious"
  • Patterico
    "...the guy is a comic genius"
  • Thomas Lifson (The American Thinker)
    "Now more than ever. America needs Iowahawk"
  • Tim Blair
    "...more cool than is healthy for any human... he is from deep space"
  • Charles Johnson (Little Green Footballs)
    "Iowahawk is some kinda damn genius"
  • Glenn Reynolds (Instapundit)
    "All I can say to IowaHawk is, 'We're not worthy'"