Newark, Blast Ring 4: Radioactive mutants from the National Jewish Democratic Council today tapped an angry Morse code press release message on the lid of the fallout shelter of another Jewish organization, demanding that it "immediately disinvite" controversial Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin from its fortified underground bunker.
"As an evangelical extremist Republican, Sarah Palin is no friend to surviving American Jews, or the former country of Israel," said NJDC chairman Mark Stanley. "Allowing Palin into a Jewish refugee shelter creates not only a partisan circus, but a health hazard for fellow Jews who will be exposed to her dangerous Alaska redneck cooties."
A spokes-tapper from the organization, the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, defended the invitation of Palin to the join the group in the bunker, noting it had given similar invitations to several Democratic politicians after former Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad appeared at the United Nations last week strapped with a 50-megaton nuclear device. However, all of the Democratic invitees canceled under pressure from the NDJC.
"Just because Senators Clinton and Schumer were vaporized in the attack last week is no excuse for you to continue hosting Sarah Palin," responded Stanley. "It is an affront to all Jews that you would actually share your freeze-dried kreplatch and tzimmes with this dangerous meshuggah shiksa."
NJDC Spokesmutant Steve Rabin said if the CPMAJO did not comply with the Palin ouster by a 7pm glow-down deadline, it would seek federal sactions including a cancellation of the group's tax-exempt status. Federal Election Commission Chairman David Mason was unavailable for comment, and presumed vaporized in the weekend annihilation of Washington.
Barring immediate federal sanctions, he said the NJDC would seek other relief, including blocking the shelter's exhaust fans and water supply.
"Frankly, I am angered and disgusted this kind of rank partisanship," said Rabin. "Now that the Iranian nuclear attack are subsiding, surviving Americans of all religions and mutations need to come together and unite against our common enemy - Sarah Palin."
In a possible thaw of relations between the two groups, officials inside the CPMAJO shelter late today tapped an offer of shelter and medical attention to the NJDC representatives in advance of expected afternoon Iranian nuclear strikes. Rabin and Stanley declined, saying that even if Palin were to be thrown out the shelter, it was far too contaminated with Republican germs to be safe.
"These people are freaks," said Stanley. "What kind of person paints their shelter door lid with lamb's blood?"
