2008 Earth Week Cruise-In Part 3

Keep those hoopties coming in! Email link on the left. Our cavalcade of carbon continues with another batch of impressive entries. First up, another hotrod home movie from September 2006.

From Alabamian "Fritz" of the renowned WrongTool Workshop comes a heapin' helpin' of Bavarian cream:

Having returned from the McHalliburton War On Oil, I did try, per your request of last year's cruise, to bring you back a barrel of Anbar Sweet Crude, but came a cropper getting it back into the US. In my first attempt, I filled a rather large number of CamelBacks and attempted to ship them back all nice and palletized, but because a Chinook was used on the first leg to BIAP, it all wound up getting poured into the hydraulic system to keep the thing in the air.

On the second attempt, I tried just relabeling it as Generic Maple Syrup - got it as far as a C-17, but then some Air Force joker decided to check, and, upon tasting it, redirected the shipment to a KBR mess hall redistribution center.

Oh well, it actually wasn't too bad on the waffles.

I couldn't help but notice that you have an imitation BMW M3 on this year's cruise, and as glad as I am that the Teutonic contingent is off to an early start, I have enclosed a shot of a real M3 - it is, of course, a Wrongtool ™ Brand M3 so odd things have been done to it, probably incorrectly, and as can be seen it goes to the track where it gets maybe 12 mpg on a good day. I realize that may not be a huge insult to our MILF Gaia , but I added to the CO2 coefficient by burning through a set of Porterfield carbon-kevlar brake pads and shredded a set of Michelin Pilot Sport Cups in the bargain, which is a hearty raised finger to the rain forest - or something like that.

Fritz continues:

A question from last year was how The Taxi™ gets to the track - also enclosed is a shot of The Blue Whale, one of only maybe two 528i Tourings with a manual transmission. I was sore chagrined when applying that old Wrongtool voodoo that we do so well, I did get more power and torque, but the damn mileage went up to 30 mpg at highway speed sans trailer. On the other hand, nobody can stand to be passed by a station wagon, so I can get others to compensate for the gas I don't waste as they pass me back.  On the other other hand, the mileage does drop to maybe 22 with the trailer and The Taxi™, and using a BMW as a tow truck has to nullify at least a half dozen or so granola crunching Prius drivers. If my so-called partner tries to chime in again this year, I have two words - "Sheep lie".

Down in H-town, Houstonian Captain Victory shows how he got his superhero moniker:

I bring some fire-belching goodness that's sure to warm the cockles &c.

I give you my 2000 Victory V92SC SportCruiser.  Where to begin?  Although it has only two cylinders (as v-twins are wont to do), it makes up for this shortcoming in sheer size:  1507 ccs of Gore-ifying, internally combusting joy!  That's nearly as much displacement as some early BMWs -- but rest assured, the bike's fuel economy is much, much worse.  To make it even more eco-nasty, it has four giant valves per cylinder, to allow maximum fuel to pass through the mill.  Did someone say loud -- because I think I've gone deaf.  Those D&D drag pipes will scare any spotted owl from its rightful habitat and may even frighten the trees themselves.  As an added bonus, note the leaky CFC-filled air conditioning unit in the background.  (It's not part of the bike yet, but my mental wheels are turning.)

Another Oil City reader, Rusty Hairgrove, sends in his burnt-rubber offering to the Earth Goddess:

Here's my 1971 Plymouth GTX. I had to get rid of it late last year. I miss it (wipes tear...) . 440, 727, TX9 triple Black. Runs like my brother-in law from a job!  I liked skeering the little Jap cars that sound like a bumble bee in a coffee can. That, and running over kittens....

Charles Glasser (location unknown) proves that even wee runts can be coaxed to into a ravenous appetite for petroleum:

Oh, just a little somethin’ something. My 1975 Spitfire, with radical cams, headers, aluminum flywheel, free flow exhaust, electronic ignition, and in a nod to the gods of gasoline, four – count ‘em four— Keihin CR Special superbike carburetors. One for each cylinder. www.prirace.com/ (I also have a 1970 E-Type with 3 Strombergs. My theory is the more fuel/air mixture you get into an engine the better. Induction, baby, induction.