Bonneville Diary: Day Four

Sunday, Aug 12, 2007

9:00 AM - Hawkspawn and I devour giant pastries in the Montego Bay lobby while awaiting the arrival of Blair, when I spy something weird -- a video slot machine called "Snow Globes." Line up four "global warming" squares and win big cash! I am beside myself with glee. When Blair arrives in the lobby I push him over to the casino floor for a scientific experiment. We each stuff a buck into the machine, which it promptly eats after a couple of spins. Global warming is a bust. No time for further experiments, we have to get back to SLC so Blair can catch a flight to San Francisco.

10:25 AM - After a leisurely 105 mph Sunday morning romp across the Great Basin, stop at Tooele for fuel and breakfast at truck stop / Burger King. More excitement: the truck stop gift shop has a "Best of Hee Haw" DVD. Blair has never seen this important bit of American culture, and I insist he bring it back to Australia to spread the news of Archie Campbell, Lu Lu, and Gaylord Sartain. Hawkspawn gets a trucker wallet.

10:45 AM - Say our sayonaras to Blair at the airport and head back west on I-80.

11:40 AM - Hawkspawn's bladder forces a stop at Skull Valley, UT, a desolate stop halfway between SLC and Wendover. I learn later that Skull Valley is an important disposal area for nuclear waste and nerve gas, most of which have apparently been placed in the gas station's port-a-johns. It is also a motocross paradise, and we spend a few minutes watching local teens vault over salty berms on their dirt bikes.

1:12 PM - Back in the pits at Bonneville, and the celebration has already begun - Bobby now owns the official world land speed record in V4 / BGL. Wooo! Earlier in the morning he backed up his 103 mph run with a 105, a two way average of a buck-four and change, breaking the 3-year old record of Shug Hanshard. Happily the 50-year old celebration bottle of Old Crow isn't completely empty, so I pour myself a shot. Smoooooooth.

Coby keeps a stern vigil on the celebration hootch:

Coop gives me the lowdown on what I missed last night: a classic Johnny Sparkles evening of dementia involving pixie stix, Filipina dwarves, kitchen appliances, and overturned golf carts. Coop looks shaken. Even as Los Angeles' reigning debauched Prince of Darkness, there is no way he could have been prepared for a bar crawl with the elfin Beelzebub of Terre Haute, Indiana.

With the record now safely in hand, Hawkspawn and I mosey over to the impound / inspection area to ogle cars and get a few SCTA souvenir tchotchkes.

Nasty little Crosley.

Raymond Loewy's masterpiece, the Studebaker Starlight. More than 50 years and countless Bonneville records later, few car designs have ever been as aerodynamic.

Another Crosley, a panel delivery.

Parachute inspection.

At the impound we run into the Hop Up magazine team, who have just set a new record in V4F/GMR of 119.6 mph.

3:45 PM On the way back to the pits we see the team from Smokin' Shutdown, some crazy Germans that came all the way from over the pond to race a P47 bellytank of their own. Talk to a couple of guys from Iowa. When we get back to the pits, the Old Crow brain trust is debating: the V4/BFL record is vacant - why not juice up the car with nitromethane and bring a second world record back to LA?

A decision will be made tomorrow. To get in the right frame of mind, Lucky spikes the minibike with some racing fuel.

Hawkspawn goes ape in anticipation. He gets a sunblock spritz from Carol, then pilots the Pep Boys Special to a new record. Lucky stinker.

6:15 PM - Back to the hotel for pool dip and showers. Then another gluttonous assault on the buffet. It's a decent buffet but they keep the desserts behind glass, forcing patrons to request each serving from the Official Casino Dessert Keeper, creating an embarrassment-buffer against excessive pie intake.   Obviously they've never dealt with me. "Listen," I say to the Dessert Keeper, "by now, you know and I know that I'll be back here five times before I leave. So let's just cut the bullshit, and gimme the whole friggin' pie."

While face-down in the pie I spy a couple of old hot rod pals, Jayhawk Chris Nelson and Ozark trucker deluxe Ben Delozier, and we wander over to the nugget for some more car viewing, snaps below. Me and Hawkspawn call it an evening at 10:45 and head back to our hotel. On the way to the room I buy a deck of cards from the lobby shop, with which I teach the boy life lesson #1: only split on aces and eights. To be continued.