Go ahead and admit it, America: when I first announced my candidacy for President of the United States, you laughed. You giggled at the audacity. You chuckled at my crazy, quixotic dream. You tittered at my hallucinatory bat-swattings. Well guess what, America? Now that the endorsement floodgates have opened, it looks like the joke is on you. HA HA!
Don't believe me? Just look at some of the movers and shakers who have jumped aboard the Crazy Train Express: visionary power brokers like Instapundit, whom I have slated to lead my team at Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, and whose psychologist wife Dr. Helen will help mediate policy disputes between me, my cabinet, and various Oval Office voices. Other weekend endorsements came from popular wacky radio zoo crew shock jock Hugh Hewitt (future head of the FCC), Java Zen (National Endowment for the Arts), and Karl Maher (Bureau of Weights and Measures). I would also like to especially thank the fellows at Protein Wisdom, including Dan Collins (Consumer Products Safety Commission) and Jeff Goldstein. As my Vice President, Jeff will preside over the US Senate, lead policy initiatives, and act as my personal anti-assassination insurance policy.
And so America, in the words of another underdog Midwesterner, Harry S. Truman: "How you like me now, bish?"
UPDATE: The international community speaks!
My name is Mr.Edward Ndebi, I work for the government owned Oil Refinery Company here in the Democratic Republic of Sao Tome and Principe, based in the United Kingdom. I wish you to help me lay claims to balance funds derived from a contract executed by one of our contractors. The total contract sum was US$158,109,000 and US$140,000,000 has already been paid. Leaving a balance of US$18,109,000.
It is my intention to form a company with you when the funds are paid. My area of interest is Real Estate business investment. I also desire absolute confidentiality and professionalism in this transaction, If you are willing to handle this transaction with me, kindly forward to me your (1) FULL NAMES (2) DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBERS and other informations to enable us discuss in details to the following address,[email protected]
Waiting to hear from you.
UPDATE: Bob Lain, Senior Executive Regional Director of Burge-Goldstein Campaign Operations for Round Top, TX (pop 77)
UPDATE: Jim Treacher writes: "Can I be your Secretary of Sullen Self-Loathing? Never mind, that's a stupid idea." Yes it is. That's why I am appointing you head of the Mohair Subsidy Board.
UPDATE: John from TSoPB, Commissioner of the new Federal Midnight Bowling Program to keep at-risk Polish youth off the streets.
GET YOUR RED HOT STICKERS!
In other evidence of the surging Burge groundswell, my previous post resulted in a bumper crop of bumper stickers. Thanks to all, and I will post an update with stickers entered through Friday. Excelsior!
From TSoPB (more here):
From Stubborn Facts (more here):
From The Autopsy:
From Mike Hendrix:
From John Bradley:
From Don Giannatti:
From Chip Owens:
From Dan Collins and "Serr8d" :
From Site Admin at Jessica's Well:
From MMC(SW) Jeffrey Heileman aboard the USS Kittyhawk:
"Attached is my entry for your Burge ’08 bumper sticker contest. Since I am active duty, I can’t accept the ambassadorship, but would gladly take SECDEF or Sec. of Navy. Also, judging from your platform, I can tell a little bribe could go a long way with your administration. Since I am too cheap to hit the tip jar, if you send me back a PO box or mailing address, I will gladly send you a genuine USS Kitty Hawk ball cap or T-shirt."
Thanks, your Admiralship!
From Scott Foster:
"Filled that Dept. of Transportation seat at the table yet? My administration will commit itself to tweaking the carbs of this great nation!"
From Shannon Babbie: