THE IN CROWD
Welcome to an all-new Humpday Dumpday... with an accent on style! Because fashion takes a true sense of taste and herd mentality, why not take a few minutes and enlist in the Iowahawk Legion of Dumb? Now you, too, can rub elbows with the blogosphere's most au courant troubled loners!
KEEP 'EM ACCESSORIZED
We all know that for making a patriotic fashion statement, nothing beats a set of stylish BDUs. Unfortunately California girl Mary Lu from Hello Mary Lu informs me that many of our fighting men and women are lacking an important accessory:
I'm doing a plug this weekend for the Cell Phones for Soldiers group on my weblog hellomarylu.com this weekend. Call it my patriotic duty. God knows if we can send 'fridge magnets to Iraq for Doc Lee, we can recycle cells phones for the folks overseas to call home. The kids who started this with their own money are picking up old dead or used cell phones and recycling them for cash. The cash goes to pay for deeply discounted AT&T phone cards given to the guys and gals overseas. I checked them out with a friend at AT&T and they're the real deal, and a 501.3C charity to boot. I'd appreciate a plug on your site for the cause.
Done and done, ML! All y'all get over there and let our troops know they're on the speed dial to your hearts.
HAUTE COUTURE HEAP OF THE WEEK
Keeping with the fashion theme, this week's righteous hooptie comes courtesy of the Interweb's Fashion Godfather #1: Manolo of Manolo's Shoe Blog! Manolo writes:
Hello to the IowaHawk!The Manolo who is the occasional reader of your most amusing blog, sends you this link, to the shoe designer John Fluevog's amazing chopped and lowered classic Jaguar.Best of the Wishes!ManoloP.S. You are indeed super fantastic!
But not half as super fantastic as you, my fashionista friend! Thanx for the super fabulous Hirohata-inspired Jag pix, and welcome to the blog roll!
THE NEW SPRING BLOGROLL COLLECTION
Speaking of blogrolling, treat yourself to some some new links that will never go out of style: cartoon blogging from Ren & Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi, the acid-tipped funny of Hog On Ice, and Eject! Eject! Eject! from SoCal pilot / writer / drinkin' buddy Bill Whittle.
PRICELESS TREASURES FROM THE IOWAHAWK MUSEUM
If Hollywood has taught us anything, it's that two things are the ne plus ultra of style: (1) smoking, and (2) communism. So what could be more cool than this: vintage 1970's commie cancer sticks!
Mmmm... rich tobacco flavor from the heart of the Warsaw Pact! One pack of East German "Regies", one pack of "Chungwhangs" from Mao-era Beijing, and from the heart of Brezhnev's USSR, an unsmoked pack of what I believe are "Sloives." This one-of-a-kind find is thanks to my special lady friend, who found them at the estate sale of a hardbitten Stalinist granny.
HAWKEYE HOOSEGOW HONEY MAKE-OVER EDITION
Did somebody mention hair? Several of my crack jailhouse correspondents (including Cletus from Des Moines and Dan E) send word that mugshot make-overs are all the rage at Des Moines' Polk County Jail. Let's take a tour!
First up: many of you have fond memories of Jesika, who captured the title of 2006 Hoosegow Honey of the Year. After a recent charge of probation violation, she's back and sporting the new ultra-thin eyebrow look so in vogue among greybar fashion mavens.
Another strong competitor in last year's pageant, Brandi, also favored the thin-eyebrow look (with a stylish upsweep 'do to accentuate the cheekbones) after her recent arrest on a series of charges including forgery, interference, theft, paraphernalia and harrassment.
Britany, a newcomer to the HHH annals, also adopted the upsweep look after a second arrest on charges of interference and assault on a peace officer.
Hats of to Ashley! This 2006 HHH contestant blazed a bold new full-coif look for the camera after an alleged stabbing incident following a cell phone dispute:
Taking the opposite tack: newcomer Jessica, who adopted a soft, stylish straightened 'do a la Jennifer Anniston after her arrest on two charges of robbery and on-going criminal conduct:
But for a real heartland Eliza Doolittle, consider Christina - emerging like a butterfly from a cocoon after a series of three arrests (the most recent of which included 11 charges, including narcotics, interference, assault, and possession of burglary tools).
My verdict: lovely in the first degree! Congrats gals, and for the rest of you, remember: all Hawkeye Hoosegow Honeys are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law!
HAIR RAISING TALES
Just like a Hoosegow Honey or John Edwards, tout le monde knows that the foundation to fashion starts at the top - with a stylish coif. And thanks to the fine folks at Hawleywoods Barbershop I can now lay claim to the Best Hair in the Blogosphere. Regardez:
Unlike Edwards' $400 salon special, my classic "Regent" came with a splash of bay rum and snappy barbershop banter - and at a 95% savings! Next time you're in SoCal, do yourself a favor - drop by Hawleywoods in Costa Mesa or Long Beach and have 'em take a little off the top. And tell 'em I sent you. If you can't, order up a few tins of their patented Layrite Deluxe Pomade, with 40% more holding power than Dapper Dan!
Now if they could only do something about that birth defect that left me with permanent Lego Face.