(Don't make me have to come back there! There's been a lull in entries so I'm augmenting with some moldy oldies from recent reader-submitted Heaps O' The Week, along with some heaps from my personal historic stash. So get those car pics to me stat - Details here.)
Scott Wilcox of the Seattle area Desmo Northwest Ducati Club, submits his two wheeled-screamer:
"My 2006 Ducati S2R features a seal clubbing 95 HP pumped through a 190 rear tire. The tire was produced by killing virgin rubber trees and enslaving the latex inside. I do my best to grind it off as quickly as possible so as to deforest the equator as soon as possible. The bike is also equipped with several carbon fiber accessories produced in some of the dirtiest factories on earth making my machine the ultimate earth violator."
And, despite my reluctance to feature human powered hoopties, Scott also makes a solid case for his Specialized racing velocipede:
"This should also qualify given that it’s made from one of the most polluting items on earth to manufacture, Carbon Fiber. The frame, fork, handlebar, stem, crankset, pedals, wheels, seatpost, brakes, and levers are all Carbon Fiber. The little beast weighs in at 14.3lbs ready to ride. I wouldn’t ride anything that doesn’t take copious amounts of petroleum to produce."
Wanna know what's what? Jon Decker (location uknown) is gonna tell you what's what! What's what about his snazzy classic Plymouth Satellite of Love, that's what.
"She packs 440 cubic inches of Green House Gas spewing Love. That Green House Gas spewing Love generator is mated to a Keisler 5-Speed manual that dumps into a set of 3:55 gears. Edelbrock intake and heads coupled with a Demon carburetor and Keith Black pistons ensure the Earth’s precious fossil fuels are burned at a prodigious rate. Quicker than the Arabs can pump it out of the ground, The Satellite of Love spews it into the Earth’s fragile atmosphere through TTI headers and exhaust.
You want her stats? I’ll tell you what!
Horsepower: Clydesdale Class. With enough Carbon Monoxide flatulence to choke Melissa Etheridge quicker than Granny can wring a chicken’s neck.
Torque: I’ll tell you what! Its stump pulling. If the neighbor gives you a hard time about the cars in your front yard... just chain his house to the bumper of The Satellite of Love and pull the damn house off the foundation.
Best Time: All the flippin’ time, I’ll tell you what.
Has The Satellite of Love killed any Polar Bears? Shite! I’ll tell you what! The Satellite of Love kills Polar Bears, Baby Seals, and Penguins, especially those dancin’ Penguins. The Satellite of Love hates those dancin’ little bastards. They die by Carbon Monoxide poisoning or Lead poisoning, it makes no never mind to The Satellite of Love."
Jon also sends pics displaying his proud membership in the Iowahawk EcoPals Network, and his old school anti-theft device.
Come on baby, let's do the twist! Reader Jim L. from eastern Pennsylvania sends action pics of his contortionist '85 Ford F150 and notes:
"I blew two 5.0's and then went with a 5.8. In order to conserve fuel I added a thrifty cam and roller-tip rockers and a FoMoCo Racing FI system. Knowing how air quality is important the motor has a nice set of stainless headers and Flowmater exhaust. Using the Tread Lightly mantra as a guide, I was determined NOT to lose traction and chew up the environment. To achieve "green status" I had the axles tweaked with lockers and gears. The tires speak for "theyselves". All in all it works really well at getting me into the forest to check on things and make sure there is no illegal logging or mining going on. Since all the mods are modern improvements I consider the truck a hybrid. I am Green Peace!"
You'll never forget your first love, and this is mine: a 1969 Chevelle Malibu coupe that I purchased a couple of days before my 15th birthday, depicted here at the family farmstead. I augmented its weak 307 SBC & Powerglide combo with Hooker Headers, Holley 4 bbl, HiJacker air shocks, Cragar S/S rims, fat Mickey 60s, and a Kmart 8-track (natch). Despite all these performance enhancements, it saw little success on the local blacktop drag strips. But I will forever cherish it as the site of my first arrest, and other important personal firsts on which, being a gentleman, I decline to elaborate. 15 mpg as I recall, in those wooly 65c / gallon salad days of the late '70s.
As a bookend, here's the last car I bought: a nasty beached whale of a 1949 Cadillac coupe, purchased for the princely sum of $120 last summer. Sadly, I've had much less romantic success in this one; despite having a much larger rear seat than my Malibu, I am not nearly as spry and wiry as I was in my youth. Plus my special lady fair won't get within 20 yards of it. But it wasn't a total loss: Cratedigger and I fileted the motor out of it for use in a future hot rod project.
Here's a quick lil' Dixie thundertruck sent in previously by John Brossard, who writes:
"As a longtime reader of iowahawk, I felt that you might appreciate a recent project that we recently put together and tested. When you’re from Alabama, rockets and pickup trucks just go together like cole slaw and barbeque, firearms and cornmash, sisters and wives. I’ve attached a few pics of a rocket truck we’ve developed, mainly for our own amusement. Basically, we designed, built, and tested a hybrid rocket motor that fits into the bed of a pickup truck. The hybrid rocket motor features nitrous oxide as the oxidizer. For the fuel we use roofing tar. The motor makes about 2750 lbf thrust at static conditions, and burns for about 10 seconds. During this short period of time, the motor generates around 14,000 thrust hp. (power = thrust*exit velocity = 2750 lbf * 4000 ft/sec). Note, this is thrust hp, not shaft hp to the wheels."
Also featured previously: "Pontiac Ed" Raden from Chicagoland sends pics of his '70 Torino 429 SCJ 4-speed drag pack that he found hibernating in an Iowa barn.
In January artistic L.A. psychobilly Dan Collins sent pics of his bitchin' '38 Ford truck at Yokohama harbor, keeping a sharp lookout for Mothras and Gameras and such.
It's not his, but Indiana reader Dick Wiley spotted this lil' Model A hot rod parked at a strip mall in Madison, Indiana. If I'm not mistaken, the power plant in this 4-door grocery-getter is a Continental Lycoming V-12 tank engine, similar to the mill in Jay Leno's tank car.
Gaia Bless the U.S.A.! Too late for last year's cruise, reader Earl Perry sent photos of this Ohio Cadillac monster truck covered stem-to-stern in amazing tableau of patriotic imagery, which I dubbed "The Hippie Squisher." If you have addition info on this hoopty, let me know.