Humpday Dumpday

THE MIGHTY MAGNETIC DUMB-VEE

Radio and jpeg silence from Doc Lee, supreme allied commander of Operation Mag-Neato. But I suspect the Dumb-Vee has increased its dumbness considerably since the last update with the a number of fine blogs signing up for the cause. Special thanks to Team Dumbvee volunteers:

The Blorg
Atlas Shrugs
Dean's World
Right Wing Bob
Hello Mary Lu
Uncle Meat
My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

I hereby encourage all you Dumb Legionnaires to click over to these fine establishments and say howdy. Wanna participate in this not-totally-worthy cause? Get your stupidest refridgerator magnet to:

Dr. Darren Lee
310th PSYOP Co.
COB Speicher
APO AE 09349

As always, bloggers who help support Dumb-Vee program will earn my eternal gratitude, and - unless you have violent objections - a link on my blogroll.

NEAT STUFF HAPPENS TO ME, YAY

My friend Ryan Cochran has a little joint called Jalopy Journal which is, without question, the best car site on the internet. Period. I'm totally stoked to report that, in a first for both of us, I am guest blogging there today.

Garage Magazine #10 is out, featuring an article by Yours Truly - a bio of Robert Maguire, the 50s-60s pulp fiction paperback artist famed for his hot cover dames. No, I wil not reprint it here. This ain't no lending library! Go down to the newstand and buy a copy for yourself, or just click here to order it online. And tell 'em I sent you.

But possibly the neatest me-thing-happen of the week was getting an nice email from hot rodding legend / speed goodie merchant Gale Banks, a pioneering hot rodder who is now one of the hobby's leading futurist. Gale teamed with Al Teague to capture the current world land speed record for a wheel-driven vehicle, 409.986 mph, in 2001. But Gale's real notoriety comes from his ability to tweak insane performance out of the lowly diesel. Think you have a hot pickup? Compare it to Gale's Dakota Sidewinder: 700 horsepower, 1300 ft.-lbs. of torque, 222 miles per hour at Bonneville, and... 20 miles per gallon. A world record holder that's driven on the  street.

That's why the man is a legend, and why it was an honor to hear from him. Best of all, the message contained coded coordinates of a top secret hush hush meeting of the hot rod Illuminati in SoCal. I will try to sneak in my spy camera to capture the conspirators.

HAWKEYE HOOSEGOW HONEY OF THE WEEK

Reminder - last day for voting for Hoosegow Honey of the Year! Polls close at midnight central time. At post time a smidge less than 3000 votes have been cast, and the race is Jesika-with-a-K's to lose. But don't look back Jesika - surging Tammi is closing the gap! Sadly, I have received mail from several readers complaining of poll irregularities, like this one from Mike Evans:

Hey I've tried to vote on your poll Miss Hoosegow 2006 and it tells me that the address has already voted. Odd since my friends in Michigan, Ohio, New Mexico and Oregon all get the same error from work or home, although my brother in Delaware was able to vote with no problems.

Nice try, fraud boy Mikey. Go take it up with the Florida Supreme Court. Here at Iowahawk we run a good clean election, and I will tolerate no ballot box chicanery on behalf of your sisters / girlfriends / moms.

I know we're all a bit melancholy about this exciting race coming to an end, but a fresh new slate of jailbirds awaits the 2007 Hoosegow Honey race. Gals like Laura, nominated by longtime iowahawk reader 'Cletus of Des Moines.'

This vivacious 23-year old blonde lists her vitals as 5' 7" and 130 pounds, but what really impresses is her indominable 60s-style spirit of total zen mellow - a mellow that refuses to be harshed even by a $139,750 bond for possession. Congrats, Cletus! Your nominee is the first Hoosegow Honey of the Week for the 2007 fiscal pageant year. And remember, as always - all Hoosegow Honeys are innocent until convicted in a court of law!

PRICELESS TREASURES FROM THE IOWAHAWK MUSEUM

Today's selection is a retrospective from our commemorative plate wing, acquired from a thrift store in South Sioux City, Nebraska (a/k/a 'Paris on the Missouri'). Although this piece is now in the hands of a private collector and Iowahawk reader, it is still considered by many to be the iowahawk museum's most important find - a seminal artwork celebrating Iowa's pork abundance. The unknown artist paints a rich tableau of Porky's Circle of Life -- from the farrowing house, to the first squeal of innoculation, to piggy heaven as he is transformed into meat products, lard, bone meal, and groovy suede disco jacket. On the reverse, a deeply moving inscription that reads:

Pork...
Gracing America's Table

This fine porcelain plate has been created by World Wide Art Studios as a tribute to the Pork Industry. Produced in a limited edition of ten thousand pieces, the eleven color design was kiln fired fusing color with glaze to insure that its beauty will last forever.

Farmers Cooperative Company
Cleghorn - Cherokee - 1983