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The Banking Report: Let Me Make It Simple For You Morons

[ed. - Our dilligent dumpster divers on 43rd Street have located the first draft of Bill Keller's patient  explanation of the New York Times' ethics policy. Related: In New York, Scrappy Newspaper Struggles For Survival]

From the Desk of Bill Keller
Executive Editor, The New York Times

With my hectic schedule of Pulitzer committees and Columbia Journalism School symposia, I don't always have time to answer my mail as fully as etiquette demands. Lord knows I'll be in the Audi headed to a Friday night ACLU cocktail benefit in the Hamptons when my Blackberry starts beeping and I have to pull over on the Long Island Expressway, and it turns out to be a text message from some idiot in Wistucky bitching about the last Krugman column. But our story about the government's surveillance of international banking records has generated a few questions and concerns that I take very seriously. As the editor responsible for the difficult decision to publish that story, I'd like to offer a personal response. I'll type v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y so you morons with questions and concerns finally understand.

Some of the incoming mail quotes the spittle-flecked words of conservative bloggers and TV or radio pundits who say that drawing attention to the government's anti-terror measures is unpatriotic and dangerous. (I could ask, how does somebody that retarded get my email? Cripes, I'm going to have a long chat with Network Services this week.) Some comes from not-quite-as-stupid readers who have considered the story in question and still wonder whether publishing such material is wise. Hey, go figure. Thankfully some comes from a better class of readers who are grateful for the information, and attach e-Vites to fabulous midweek gallery openings on the Upper West Side.

It's an unusual and powerful thing, this freedom that our founders gave to the press. Who are the editors of The New York Times (or the Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post,  Jihadi Accountant and other publications that also ran the banking story) to disregard the wishes of the President and his appointees? I'll tell you who we are, pal. We are journalists - the people whom the inventors of this country specifically appointed to be the protectors of this little experiment we call the "human race" against the privations of out-of-control Texas Oil Nazis. And if you check your Constitution, I don't think you'll see anything in there about the right to clog up the press's inbox with your stupid Rush Limbaugh talking points.

Another unusual and powerful thing given us is the actual press itself - the mighty ABB ZC-1100 rotary plate drive with electronically actuated belt tensioning. The founders of the industrial printing equipment business knew the power of this machine was too precious to entrust to untrained "bloggers" who might get crushed in its immense inky rollers, and wisely set a price to insure it would only be used by professionally accredited journalists - a cool $4 million per unit, not including maintenance.

The power that has been given us is not something to be taken lightly. The responsibility of it weighs most heavily on us when an issue involves national security, and especially national security in times of war. Heavy is the head who wears the thorny crown of journalism; for, if the Force is allowed to fall into the wrong hands, there will be imbalance in the Galaxy. I've only participated in a few such cases, but they are among the most agonizing decisions I've faced as an editor.

The press and the government generally start out from opposite corners in such cases. In the bad corner, weighing in at five trillion pounds, hailing from Washington DC, with a record of 17-1-1 and 14 knockouts, American "The Dissent Crusher" Governmennnnnnnnt.  For example, some members of the Administration have argued over the past three years that when our reporters describe sectarian violence and insurgency in Iraq, we risk demoralizing the nation and giving comfort to the "enemy." On the other hand, some members of the insurgency have persuasively argued that we have not given enough coverage to violence. Who to believe? The Editors have steadfastly taken our default neutral position and present a careful balance of 50% Iraq violence, so that you - the uniformed cretin - are entrusted with the unbiased, balanced information you need to kayo this illegitimate glass-jawed Administration.

If we have failed, it has generally been when we failed to dig deep enough or to report fully enough. After The Times played down its advance knowledge of the Bay of Pigs invasion, President Kennedy reportedly said he wished we had published what we knew and perhaps prevented a fiasco. His brother felt similarly after we failed to alert the public to the non-seaworthiness of the '66 Olds Delmont. Some of the reporting in The Times and elsewhere prior to the war in Iraq was criticized for not being skeptical enough of the Administration's claims about the Iraqi threat, especially by the Saddam Administration and others in the know. The question we start with as journalists is not "why publish?" but "why would we withhold information of significance?" We have sometimes done so, but if a story contains details that could serve those hostile to the U.S., I'd consider that pretty "significant," wouldn't you?

Forgive me, I know this is pretty elementary stuff — but when you're dealing with critics who apparently have elementary educations, you might blow their minds by jacking the stuff up to junior high level stuff, let alone advanced graduate journalism school ethics stuff.

Since September 11, 2001, our government has launched broad and secret anti-terror monitoring programs without seeking authorizing legislation and without fully briefing me, or others in the constitutional government-counterbalance community. Yes, most Americans seem to support extraordinary measures in defense against this "extraordinary" threat. Baa, baa, baaaa. But some officials who have been involved in these programs have spoken to the Times about their discomfort over the legality of the government's actions and over the adequacy of oversight. We believe The Times and others in the press have an obligation to the public to print the discomforting information. We also believe that it is critical that the identity of the discomforted officials must remain forever secret, for they have spoken on the consecrated bond of background non-attribution, and exposing them might endanger their willingness to expose future publication of other discomforting information. Besides, it does not serve the public interest because I can't imagine that the public has any interest in who these discomforted officials are.

Our decision to publish the story of the Administration's penetration of the international banking system followed weeks of discussion between Administration officials and The Times, not only the reporters who wrote the story but senior editors, including me. We listened patiently and attentively, seldom checking our wristwatches and cell phones. Some of us even had to cancel a squash game to listen to these idiots drone on for a half hour with their sob stories about "endangered terror investigations," yada yada yada. We discussed the matter extensively within the paper. We spoke to others — national security experts outside the Administration — for their counsel before we ran with it. The reporters and editors responsible for this story live in two places — New York and the Washington area — that are tragically established targets for terrorist violence. Now, thanks to our work reporting the story, the non-Administration security experts tell us they will instead concentrate their violence on Red Country backwaters like Omaha.

The Administration case for holding the story had two parts, if I glean a rough sense out of it: first that the program is good — that it is legal, that there are safeguards against abuse of privacy, and that it has been valuable in deterring and prosecuting terrorists. And, second, that exposing this program would put its usefulness at risk.

Okay, so help me out here. Maybe I'm the stupid guy. Let's take argument part number one, that the program is "good." I'm sorry, but aren't we suppose to be in some big "War on Terror" or something? At least that's what the whiney Adminstration guy in a JCPenney suit kept arguing in my office. And if we are in a "War," doesn't that mean that if the program is "good" for one side, it is by definition bad for the other side? With this "good" talk, the Administration is asking us to pass judgment and pick sides in their "terrorism" wild goose chase, and frankly, that's not our job. If you listen to the insurgency, the program is anything but "good" and "legal," and has few safeguards against privacy invasion. The job of the press is to weigh these competing agendas, and to act in our constitutional role as a bulwark against the US government.

So let's look at JCPenney guy's concern number two: that describing this program would endanger it. The central argument we heard from officials at senior levels was that international bankers would stop cooperating, would resist, if this program saw the light of day. We found this argument puzzling. Maybe it was because he was making it right when the lunch cart rolled in, and I was distracted deciding between the tuna salad and the asiago turkey club. Anyhow, later that afternoon I posed the argument to my squash partner Dieter (who works for DeuscheBank) and asked him to let me know if he had any qualms about it. We've had dinner at Le Cirque twice since then, and I can't remember him even bringing the subject up.

By the way, we heard similar arguments against publishing last year's reporting on the NSA eavesdropping program. We were told then that our article would mean the death of that program and help the ooo-ooh, scary bad terrorist. As far as I know, that hasn't happened. While our coverage has led to much public debate and new congressional oversight, has it had any impact one way or another on anything, other than creating debate and information and oversight? For all you know, our reporting on the NSA program has actually resulted in reducing terror. Have you been blown up in a terror attack since our Pulitzer-winning NSA series, Mister Flood Bill Keller's Inbox? I didn't think so. And you're welcome.

I can appreciate that other conscientious people could have gone through the process I've outlined above and come to a different conclusion. Not totally understand, mind you, but I appreciate it completely. But nobody should think that we made this decision casually, with any undo animus toward the thankfully temporary Administration in Washington, or without fully weighing the issues. So if you'll excuse me, I've got a 3 o'clock appointment at the squash club.

Regards,
Bill Keller

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference The Banking Report: Let Me Make It Simple For You Morons:

» That'll Leave A Mark from Ed Driscoll.com
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    "Bloke's a comedy god, I reckon"
  • Amused Cynic
    "...should be put in the National Archives next to the Declaration of Independence in the special nuclear bomb-proof case... Funniest thing I’ve ever read"
  • Ruth Gledhill, Times of London (UK)
    "utterly brilliant"
  • Patrick O'Hannigan - The American Spectator
    "Brilliant"
  • Peter Breedveld, Frontaal Naakt (Netherlands)
    "Speciaal voor de aartsbisschop van Canterbury deze geheel vernieuwde politiekincorrecte versie van de Canterbury Tales van de Amerikaanse blogger Iowahawk. Vooral de fraaie strofe 'everybody muste get stoned' zal de eerwaarde sharia-supporter uit het hart gegrepen zijn"
  • Lone Star Times
    "Only a hotrod fanatic from the cornfields of Iowa could concoct such a literary masterpiece"
  • David Freddoso, National Review
    "Now this is funny... brilliant rendering"
  • Resurrection Song
    "Good Lord, that's nifty...may not be the coolest thing ever in the ‘sphere, but it must be close... read and marvel at the wonder"
  • Public Secrets
    "Sheer genius"
  • Scott Johnson, Power Line
    "Virtuoso"
  • Rachel Lucas
    "brilliant... Awesomeness"
  • Document.no (Norway)
    "Som alltid leverer Iowahawk varene, denne gangen i form av en oppgradering av Chaucer i anledning erkebiskop Rowan Williams' sharia-uttalelser. Dette må være det morsomste som hittil er publisert i blogosfæren"
  • Rod Dreher, Crunchy Con
    "inimitable... absolutely brilliant satire"
  • Melanie Philips, The Spectator (UK)
    "too good not to share"
  • Jules Crittenden, Boston Herald
    "Iowahawk needs to quit screwing around and just change his name to Geniushawk"
  • Midwest Conservative Journal
    "It's Iowahawk's world. He just lets the rest of us live in it"
  • National Association of Manufacturers
    "Widely respected feared"
  • Zürcher Presseverein (Switzerland)
    "Dies eine Schlagzeile der US-Stiftung «Media Violence Project». Die Journalisten die hinter diesem Projekt stehen, möchten die amerikanische Öffentlichkeit aufrütteln und die Massen bezüglich Gewalt gegen Journalistinnen und Journalisten sensibilisieren. Hier findet man diverse Plakate und Sujets der Stiftung."
  • Lone Star Times
    "Between cleaning carburetors and restoring classic American cars, Burge churns out some of the funniest and decisively deadly wit and commentary on the web... Write the Pulitzer Committee and demand Iowahawk should win"
  • Roger Kimball, Pajamas Media
    "inspired … I was going to say 'parody,' but really it is far too close to the original to be called a parody. Really, it is like the play Hamlet stages to 'catch the conscience of the King,' a dramatic re-enactment of the very crime Claudius had committed but had yet to acknowledge. It worked for Hamlet; will Iowahawk’s performance work for the rest of us? It is too early to tell. But ... it is more truthful, and far more amusing, than anything you’ll read in the [New York] Times."
  • Power Line
    "Iowahawk deserves a Pulitzer"
  • Sissy Willis
    "should be required reading for all students planning a 'career' in journalism"
  • National Review Media Blog
    "Hilarious"
  • Mark Steyn
    "Meticulous... one man investigative unit"
  • Ace, Ace of Spades HQ
    "Fucking brilliant... Well played, Iowahawk"
  • Mary Katherine Ham
    "Hands down the best damn roadkill-centric caucus coverage you'll read"
  • Wat Tyler, Burning Our Money (UK)
    "brilliant and scary insight"
  • Paul Kedrosky, Infectious Greed
    "I really don't know how best to summarize IowaHawk's you-are-there white-trash treatise... If you crossed Hunter Thompson and Michael Lewis, you might get something this angry and bizarre"
  • The McMuffins (UK)
    "Iowahawk and his lovely wife... did not appear to be the psychopathic stalking killers we had been warned about, although that Iowahawk did have a murderous look in his eyes and an unusual amount of froth coming from his mouth"
  • Washington Times
    "Objectively hilarious"
  • Ace, Ace of Spades HQ
    "trust Iowahawk to bring the funny"
  • Hugh Hewitt
    "My turn on the Iowahawk carving board."
  • Ryan Cochran, The Jalopy Journal
    "Good pal and loon"
  • Los Boulevardos
    "Facts: 1) I think blogs are gay. 2) That dude has a rad blog."
  • AutoBlog
    "a very cool blogger"
  • Boing Boing
    "Our pal"
  • The Intertubes
    "Iowahawk must be one of the awesomest pack-rats ever"
  • Hog on Ice
    "Might as well not exist"
  • chasovschik
    "Iowahawk представляет впечатляющую коллекцию антикварных сельскохозяйственных приборов"
  • The Sophistry
    "One of the best writers in the world."
  • בצל טוב (Good Onion - Israel)
    אמנם היה קיץ והזרימה חלשה יותר, וגם ההצקות של זבובוני החול זה לא משהו שאפשר להתעלם ממנו, אבל באמת היה סיור יפה (הרבה מחיאות כפיים, צעיר ערבי שהכרתי וגו’).
  • Karl Maher
    "Dave Burge can read the terrorists' minds!"
  • Instapundit
    "Iowahawk for President: he's got my vote!"
  • Hugh Hewitt
    "2008's Christopher Walken... bad news"
  • House of Dumb
    "Fortunately, there's always Iowahawk to give us that 'last cigarette in front of the firing squad' feeling"
  • Adam Smith Institute (UK)
    "Tom Lehrer was wrong, satire is not dead yet."
  • Procurando Vagas
    "Todo ano o site Iowahawk promove um concurso bem diferente, o Miss Presidiária, onde você escolhe a condenada mais bonita dos EUA do ano... Mais vamos ajudar a patricinha e dar uma força, porque ela merece"
  • EU Referendum
    "superlative... wonderfully funny"
  • Panikowsky
    "А вот сатирическая издевка по мотивам..."
  • Balagan
    "Le blog américain Iowahawk, qui traite l'actualité par la dérision, a transposé les évènements du Moyen Orient dans le Midwest américain en jouant sur le fait que Mideast veut dire Moyen Orient"
  • Power Line
    "Amazing"
  • Zombie (ZombieTime)
    "Iowahawk is the most underpaid man in America"
  • Manolo (Manolo's Shoe Blog)
    "You are indeed super fantastic!"
  • Little Miss Attila
    "Iowahawk's the kind of guy you'd want to run into in that alternate universe. You know: the one in which no one is married, and the bars stay open all night"
  • Robert Spencer (Jihad Watch)
    "marvelously dead-on"
  • Banzai Aphrodite
    "Iowahawk reminds me why I love blogs"
  • Dan Collins (Protein Wisdom)
    "I pretty much suck Iowahawk's d***"
  • Free Counterpoint
    "This man is brilliant."
  • Lawrence Henry, American Spectator
    "The Internet humor champ"
  • Blacklake (Hot Air Comments)
    "I’d say Iowahawk was a genius, but geniuses aren’t generally very clever. Plus, studies have shown that nine out of ten have no idea how to clean a carb. So, statistically speaking, his geniushood is unlikely."
  • Michael Malone (ABC News 'Silicon Insider')
    "The great Web satirist"
  • Deep Thought Blog
    "Possibly the funniest blogger on Earth"
  • The Weekly Standard
    "Fantastic and profane parody"
  • Jonah Goldberg (National Review Online)
    "Very Funny... Much profanity, natch"
  • State 29
    "The King of all Insightful Vulgarness"
  • Gerard Van der Leun (Pajamas Media)
    "The Master of Disaster... Where else on the web can you channel-surf the spirits of Mark Twain and Big Daddy Roth on the same page?"
  • Dean Barnett (HughHewitt.com)
    "The reigning comic genius of the blogosphere"
  • James Taranto (Wall St Journal's Best of the Web)
    "the best way to respond to this sort of thing is with mockery, as blogger Iowahawk... devastatingly does"
  • Right Wing Bob
    "Iowahawk remains probably the most versatile purveyor of America - boosting depravity on the scene today"
  • Daily Kos commentors
    "The new McCarthyism... F***ing pr***. Now go cry to momma" ... “just punch the stupid f***er out"..."shut [his] f***ing mouth while I'm pummelling him"..."me & my brick in a dark alley"... "sharpen your knives"... "“maybe [he] will consider the possibility of getting a shot in the teeth”
  • Dr. Melissa Clouthier
    "Most bloggers would lose a bar room brawl. There are exceptions."
  • Rand Simberg (Transterrestrial Musings)
    "Next time Iowahawk beats up on you, just take it. If you try to fight back, it only gets worse. It's like one of those monsters that, the harder you fight it, the stronger it gets, because it actually feeds on your pathetic swats."
  • Blog Québécois
    "If Iowahawk ever decides to turn his guns on you, accept your beating with good grace and a rueful chuckle. If you try to fight back, it only gets funnier."
  • Roger Kimball (The New Criterion)
    "The excellent weblog IowaHawk summarized some of the thoughts I had... I must also laud David Burge of IowaHawk for his gritty pragmatism. He is no armchair crusader, full of empty imprecations."
  • Michelle Malkin
    "Iowahawk brings the funny"
  • Blackfive
    "This pipe-smokin' assassin is the pure ass heat"
  • James Waterton (Samizdata)
    "bloody magnificent... Is there a Nobel prize for comedy? If not, we damn well need one"
  • Mark Steyn
    "I take my hat off. This belongs to a very select group of Jokes I Wish I'd Thought Of First: 'It's that time of year when we honor the ultimate MILF: Mother Earth'"
  • Jim Treacher
    "I don't LIKE you. I LOVE you. In a GAY way."
  • Bill Whittle
    "I've met him, you know -- Iowahawk. 6'7" he is, arms like mighty oak trees, legs like even mightier oak trees: clear grey eyes looking to the far horizon, his lantern jaw set against the approaching storm but yet with a slight hint of a distant smile bourne of many combats won and mortal enemies vanquished. I stood speechless in his presence at a restaurant in Marina del Rey --- just speechless, weeping silently at the sheer magnetism and force of personality coming off the man in seismic waves; a transcendental, religious experience that kept me awake for a week, as if I had seen the heavens split open in a blaze of orange and purple glory, and all of God's Great Plan revealed. And when he finally did speak, it was the sound of distant thunder echoing off ancient mountains, a sound that predates mankind's puny schreeching -- a sound that, indeed, is antecedent to the founding of Life on Earth and comes carried through the ether on the shock wave of ancient dying stars. And though he only spoke twelve words during the four hours I stood in his presence, those words are with me still, a perfect dozen seared into my memory, written in gold across the great hall of my mind. He said, 'HEY, CAN YOU GET THIS ONE? I LEFT MY WALLET AT HOME.'"
  • Spongeworthy
    "But no shit, Iowahawk might get up tomorrow, get baked, grab his beautiful wife and ride his moped backwards to a Hells Angel rally, then drink himself into oblivion and fight about 7 crank dealers from the Racine chapter of the Death Jokers all by himself. Then maybe he'd go home, romance the beautiful wife, build a perfect retro treehouse for his perfect kids, drink a bottle of tequila, prepare a 3-course meal while beating away a push-in home invader and sacrificing him on a makeshift, though historically accurate, Inca altar he built in the woods behind the railroad tracks. Then he'd sit down and knock out a tremedously insulting Leftist parody that pissed off thread after thread of Kos and DU lunatics, romance the bride once again and fall asleep chuckling. It's like he's Paul Bunyan and Mark Twain rolled up into one hipster"
  • Allahpundit
    "profane... bloodthirsty... hilarious"
  • Patterico
    "...the guy is a comic genius"
  • Thomas Lifson (The American Thinker)
    "Now more than ever. America needs Iowahawk"
  • Tim Blair
    "...more cool than is healthy for any human... he is from deep space"
  • Charles Johnson (Little Green Footballs)
    "Iowahawk is some kinda damn genius"
  • Glenn Reynolds (Instapundit)
    "All I can say to IowaHawk is, 'We're not worthy'"