The Blockbuster OSM Deal: What You Need to Know

As many of you have no doubt heard, there is a major new blog business thing that was started up yesterday called “Open Source Media,” or "OSM." What you may not know is that, thanks to my collection of candid videotapes of various bloggers, I will be participating in this important program. Obviously, the announcement of this has generated a lot of confusion and panic, as well as many questions. That is why, as OSM’s volunteer public relations spokesperson, I have assembled a handy list of “FAQs” that should address most of your concerns.

What is “Open Source Media?”

Open Source Media is a new multi-aspect business concept in which many of the top superstar and mega-hyper superstars of the internet blogosphere have formed a powerful alliance to create shareholder value, and piss off Ann Althouse.

How was it started?

OSM was founded by two of the internet’s main blog persons, bicycle guy and hat guy. Bicycle guy is the “tech guru” while hat guy is the “strategic vision-having guru.”  Originally this concept was named “Pajamas Media” because bloggers often blog in their sleepwear.  Also, focus group studies showed that this warm, whimsical branding  distracted gullible internet readers from their actual agenda.

Why change the name?

Further research indicated that many OSM bloggers actually blog “au naturale,” like Jeff Goldstein, or in a daring peek-a-boo babydoll, like Frank J.

How will it work?

Without getting overly technical, the powerful multi-phase OSM business model has been finely honed through careful analysis.  The following Power Point slide illustrates the basic value-creation process:

In Phase A, various important blogosphere blogs are coerced into a mutual non-aggression pact under the auspices of the OSM directorate. This is very similar to NATO, but French people are excluded. In Phase number B, there is large alcohol party in New York, which is an important center for media business discussions. In Phase 3, the system creates values, which are translated into very large checks for everybody. In Phase number D, I drive my new yacht, the “Ha Ha Ha,” to a tax-free Caribbean island.

How will value be created?

Ask any business consultant: the key to getting that sweet-ass yacht is through volume. By coordinated mutual plagiarizing, blogs within the OSM network will save significant posting costs, which will accrue to the bottom line. Also, we will gain many readership synergies through cross-linking. For example, I might alert my readers that my new OSM colleague, Instapundit guy, has posted some thoughts about his new TCS column that elaborates on his latest MSNBC.com commentary piece about his recent appearance on Hardball. If he is any kind of man, he will be obligated to return my thoughtful linking favor. This is the real key to success of OSM – enforcing a “win-win” situation through sharing of our mutual sloppy seconds.

Isn’t OSM just a collection of right wing blogs?

Not true! The OSM roster includes several voices from the Left, like David Corn, who will soon be known as the “Alan Colmes of the Internet.” It is important that these voices of the authentic independent Left be kept from the taint of corporate media money. That is why I have asked hat guy and bicycle guy to send David Corn’s check to me.

Will being part of the OSM network have a negative impact on the quality of Iowahawk?

Yes.

Does this mean that you will be removing your “tip jar” button?

No, because I will have additional expenses to cover such as yacht polish, and so on.

What is in it for me, the reader?

I’m sorry, could you repeat the question? I was browsing some yacht brochures.

What is in it for me, the reader?

Plenty! First, you will benefit from additional information about lifestyle products and services, targeted to important consumer segments like yourself. Second, you will get the satisfaction of knowing that I have vowed a portion of my anticipated insane wealth to finally wreak sweet vengeance on Kyle Sitzmann, that goddamn bastard who pantsed me during 9th grade coed PE class. Third, money-saving coupons.

What if the OSM venture doesn’t pan out?

I’m sorry, how’s that again? I was trying to find Carribea in my Atlas.

I believe this should cover most of the top question you might have. However, I realize that your friends and coworkers may not have gotten the word yet, so please feel free to print off this post as a handy reference. As a valued Iowahawk reader, I encourage you to go FAQ yourself.