The Truth is Out There

Iowahawk Special Commentary
by "Deep Blog"

Psst... you... citizen investigator... over here. Here, by the permalink.

Okay, stop. Let's hear the countersignal.

Excellent. Now edge closer to the BlogAd shadow. Rove's ears are everwhere, even in TypePad... especially in TypePad.  Okay, that's close enough. And no questions, you're here to listen. And learn. Poppy's Rolex is ticking and you need time as much as you need clues.

Finally got here, eh? I've been waiting. Nice work on Gannon/Guckert, but don't get cocky, citizen sleuth. Every time you unravel a thread, Rove and the Skull & Bones PsyOps boys are knitting two steps ahead of you -- crocheting their next Afghan macrame adventure.

Remember: connections. Connections.

We both know that Rove's puppets in the rightwing media control tower have cancelled all flights to Truth City. That doesn't mean they've confiscated the roadmaps. Quick... act like you're asking me for a cigarette. When I hand to you, I want you to "accidentally" drop it... okay, now pick it up along with the manila envelope.

Dammit, nonchalantly!

Good. Now open it slowly.

Tread softly, because Rove's roots run deep and crooked. For every real clue you find, BushCo has planted two to lead you down a blind alley.

The first thing you have to ask yourself: why was this whole White House fake document gay prostitution CIA spy outing ring just waiting there for you, wrapped up nice and tidy in a little bow? Please. You only know what you know because that's exactly what Karl wants you to know.

Stop being so naive. So far you're just another sucker huckstered Into Rove's Machiavellian Texas Funhouse of Mirrors. If you want to find the exit, listen for the carnies that aren't barking.

Gannon? A well-endowed red herring. Let's just say "gay escort Repugnican journalist" makes a very distracting cover when your real gig is, say -- pool cleaner for a certain Mr. and Mrs. "Joe Wilson" of Alexandria, VA.  Shocked? Don't be. Plame and Wilson have been on the Rove payroll for years. Karl brilliantly used them to nail three birds with two undercover stones: take progressives' money, discredit them, and get some high-impact product placement for the Duncan Hines cartel.

Those CBS conveniently forged, yet entirely accurate documents? Obviously the handiwork of Karl's West Wing elves. But if you think "Gannon" was the conduit to Mapes you are barking up the wrong homo, my friend. Karl has more than a few panicked moles inside Black Rock hoping to throw you off the scent. Let's just say you may want to start "connecting the Dotties," because the plot is about to thicken like a TANG-y sweet salad dressing. Remember: the truth is out there. Buried below a modern 64,000 square foot plant in Duncan, Nebraska.

Seeing a pattern? Rule #1 in the Rove Matrix is careful who you trust. That website with the impeccable progressive credentials could easily be a Rove / GOPig front operation -- draining millions of dollars from credulous liberal dupes and throwing it away on doomed campaigns. If your instincts tell you someone to trust somebody, then run. He's probably a plant, and the voices could be from Rove's mind control drones.

Shhh! Did you just hear that?

This meeting is getting too dangerous -- too dangerous for both of us. Here, take this. If Rove's operative get hold of you, swallow it. It will help you maintain your cover as just another FauxNews brainwashed sheeple. 

Now get out of here you magnificent, foolhardy bastard. And remember -- like all communiques of the Underground Reality-Based Resistance, this conversation never happened.

THIS BLOGPOST WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 5 MINUTES

Comments

[bobthebellbuoy]

Egads, with a sleuth like you on the case Rove is glue!

[Jeremy]

I just knew the Bass Pro Shop was involved.

[Larry CG]

"yellowcake"

Now that's funny right there, I don't care who you are!

[BrewFan]

"But if you think "Gannon" was the conduit to Mapes you are barking up the wrong homo, my friend"

I know this marks me as slightly immature but I'll be damned if that's not the funniest thing I've read in a long time!

[Tom]

Interesting.. but do the Reverse Vampires factor into it?

[PajamaHadin]

Hilarious and very clever! You have quite the wit. Thanks for the entertainment.

[Dan J.]

I thought the first rule of the Rove Matrix was .. not to talk about the Rove Matrix?

[Ginny]

thanks and thanks for Dollywood and so much more.

[Bush Equals Valdemort]

The truth is out there!

Karl Rove is Master of the Dark Arts!

Chimpy Bushitler = Valdemort!

http://civilization-calls.mu.nu/archives/053413.html

[Rusty Shackleford]

Wait. I don't see Jeff Gannon's c*ck anywhere on the board?

[jeff]

Too brilliant!

[Bryan]

Minor point, but if your father's Rolex is "ticking", he got took...

[johnd01]

That was disturbing.... so disturbing that I found myself prowling the neighborhood looking for the house of the green Subaru Outback with the rear window Kerry/Edwards appliqué… and beating the owner until I received the both the prescription and the 24/7 to the CVS… then rubbing the dung from the cat box over my Reynolds Wrap Heavy Duty Foil helmet as to provide cover from Rove’s satellites… He must not see me pick up the Prozac.... MY Prozac… precious Prozac…

[Mannning]

Rove's matrix has six nested levels, and each successive level has more elements than the last.
The relationship codes for each matrix have both transcendental and imaginary terms...dividing by zero is also permitted.

[macstansbury]

I wonder if anybody else will get the Slauson Cutoff joke.

[Cheney W. Halliburton]

Dang -- even I'm confused.

[Jeff]

I'm dying over here! Somebody make him stop!

[n00b]

Hey, I got it, and you can Cutoff my Slauson if I'm lying! Hey-Ohhhh!

[Dan Up, Baby!]

Foiled again, Iowahawk! I've been trumpeting the Gnat Lileks/Notorious B.I.G. connection for weeks now.

[JWebb]

"I wonder if anybody else will get the Slauson Cutoff joke."

Indeed, Manning. Art Fern took the ultimate Fork in the Road.

[Robbie]

Just awesome!

[JWebb]

Ditto, macstansbury.

[josil]

you missed the darkest and cleverest Rove trick of all. he fooled (almost) everybody by inserting Dean into the very heart of the enemy operation--the DNC. everytime Dean is about to be exposed, he screams "i hate republicans" and throws everyone off the track...even you, you poor dupe!!

[Photios]

I haven't laughed this much in a long time. I really think you are a genius.

Very great stuff.

+Photi

[ForNow]

Dean, McAuliffe, Gore -- Rove controls them all! In your heart you know they're "differently" medicated.