As a member of Chicago Local 186 of AFSCME, you do the hard work that keeps the Windy City humming -- manning the tollbooths, filling the potholes, making sure the right envelopes get to the right ward Alderman. That's why we at Local 186 think you deserve a little time off for fun, and why we are pleased to announce an exciting free travel gift designed especially for you. Get ready, because on Tuesday, November 2, 2004, AFSCME will be holding a fabulous one day whirlwind bus tour of scenic southern Wisconsin, featuring stops at five exotic ports of call -- Kenosha, Racine, Milwaukee, Madison, and Beloit!
Departing from downtown Chicago, AFSCME buses will set sail on the fabled Eden's Expressway north, where you will witness its majestic confluence with the Tri-State Tollway -- the mighty U.S. Interstate 94. From there, enjoy a complementary Bloody Mary in the velour luxury of your reclining bus seat, and marvel to the scenic outlet malls of Gurnee and Waukegan. Don't get too comfortable, though. Within minutes we will pass over the Wisconsin border for our first stop -- fabulous Kenosha!
Birthplace of the AMC Gremlin and the AMC Matador, Kenosha has long been a mecca for fun lovers. And with some of the region's most exciting voting precincts, no wonder! You'll have a chance to explore the awe-inspiring beauty of Kenosha's many elementary schools church basements, where you'll see democracy in action -- and maybe even get to participate!
But don't forget your souvenir 'Honorary Wisconsin Citizen' certificate, though -- our next stop will take us to nearby beautiful Racine! Your brief layover in "Action City USA" will include a "shop 'til you drop" spree at one of the area's top cheese and bratwurst outlets, as well as a guided tour of the Racine County ballot printing center!
From Racine, we'll work our way north to the bright lights and big city temptations of Milwaukee, the Paris of east central Wisconsin. But beer and Harley-Davidson are not the only things "that made Milwaukee Famous" -- there's also the fabled hospitality of Milwaukee Local 294 of AFSCME! Our "Cheesehead" union brothers will have a fun and informative brunch waiting when we arrive, followed by a tour of local church basements and elementary schools. Keep your eye peeled, though -- maybe you'll see "The Fonz." Aaaaaay!
Afternoon will be a time for a little bus "R&R" as we travel west on I-94 to our next exciting destination: fabulous Madison! Home to the University of Wisconsin and the Big Ten's fighting Badgers, "Mad City" has long been admired for its fiesty progressive spirit and commitment to open, free, and unmonitored democracy. A team of local activist will be on hand to personally demonstrate just how strong this commitment is. And just maybe make you a fan of the "Big Red"! On Wisconsin!
But the fun's just getting started! Our twilight port of call will be Beloit, the legendary Gateway to South Central Wisconsin! With its rich cultural banquet of truck stops and voting precincts, you may have a hard time choosing which sights to see -- so veteran union steward Gene Czarwecki will be there to help guide you through the difficult choices. Don't be late, because polls close at 7 pm!
From there, more time to relax with your friends on the bus as we sail southeast back to "Sweet Home Chicago" via the scenic Kennedy Expressway. But don't go home just yet -- we've got a special return treat in store. You're all invited to the official AFSCME Local 186 Victory Party for our next President, Senator John F. Kerry!
Your cost? Absolutely FREE. Like you depend on us, we here at Local 186 depend on you. This trip is our way of saying thanks, to you, your voting age families and friends, and whoever you might be able to round up at the Hubbard Street homeless shelter.
Seats are limited, so remember to be at Local 186 Hall, Tuesday, November 2, at 6:30 am sharp. If you know what's good for you.
National Lampoon during the '70s brilliant. A parody of '70s tv schlock, the pathetic/hilarious attempts of '70s corporate culture to attract the 'youth' market, and the '70s psyche of a certain fake Indian tenured radical. I swear I could see and hear the commercials.
You're a comic genius, Iowahawk.
Posted by: Fisky | February 08, 2005 at 08:23 AM
ANSWER: Tire slashings, the dead casting ballots, votes for smokes, military absentee ballots "misplaced".
QUESTION: What do Milwaukee and Kiev have in common?
Posted by: smitty | January 28, 2005 at 06:50 PM
That is a pretty inpressive piece of linkage there. I kept expecting that guy (Stash?) from the Illinois Tollway Authority to turn up chomping a kielbasa.
That's how far back I go.
Posted by: spongeworthy | January 28, 2005 at 10:52 AM
I vote for a parody of all the pundits who are more vociferous about Iraq being a disaster, the more the Iraqis say how much they are looking forward to voting.
Posted by: Yehudit | January 28, 2005 at 07:18 AM
The Mars Cheese Castle! Yummy!
(I refuse to use the apostrophe. Ruins the effect.)
Posted by: SSG Pooh | January 28, 2005 at 06:26 AM
boxer boxer boxer boxer boxer Boxer Boxer Boxer Boxer Boxer! Boxer! Boxer! Boxer! BOXER! BOXER! BOXER! BOXER! BOXER!
Or that Moonbat Professer creep that called the victims of 9/11 "little Eichmanns".
Either one has my vote for Iowahawk-style skewering by satire.
Posted by: michelle | January 27, 2005 at 07:16 PM
Dude, you're on a roll. Please make it Barbara Boxer next.
Posted by: Doug | January 27, 2005 at 05:49 PM
So did AFSCME supply the razors to slash GOP vans' tires, or did they have to wait for the children of elected Cheesehead Dems to get those?
Posted by: Casey | January 27, 2005 at 10:31 AM
i think you misrepresented this tour. i was limited to only two voting locations, beloit and milwaukee...altho i was able to cast several votes while in milwaukee. also, while promised a turkey i was only given some frozen chicken wings.
Posted by: josil | January 27, 2005 at 01:20 AM
When did you switch from satire to straight news?
Posted by: BrewFan | January 26, 2005 at 09:07 PM