Report: Iraq Finger Ink Contained Suspected Carcinogen
Cancer scare?
Basra, Iraq - In another blow to a nation already reeling from months of U.S. occupation, a new World Heath Organization report suggested that Iraqis may face another humanitarian disaster caused by exposure to potentially harmful finger ink during Sunday's nationwide elections.
According to the report, the ink used to mark fingers of as many as 8 million Iraqis contained traces of a chemical, Dimoxycyclene K-phosphate 3, which has been associated with elevated lesions in laboratory animals. Sold under the trade name of Dyphex, the chemical is used as an additive in various inks and dyes as a fixative and preservative.
Critics noted that the not-yet banned chemical is produced by a RayTel, a Georgia-based firm whose executives contributed over $1800 to the 2004 Bush campaign. Records also show that over 20 gallons of the finger ink was transported to Iraq via Kellogg, Brown and Root, a subsidiary of Halliburton, the controversial firm once headed by Vice President Dick Cheney.
"In order to avoid risk, it is critical that Iraqis keep internal consumption of finger ink to less than 100 millileters per day," said WHO spokesperson Francois Garres. "We are desperately trying to get the word out, but we have not gotten the good cooperation with US military officials."
Garres said efforts to educate Iraqis on the dangers of Dyphex were also hampered by widespread street celebrations.
Somebody call the UN!
Posted by: sackofcatfood | January 30, 2005 at 01:30 PM
Biff! Pow! Iowahawk strikes again!
:D
Somebody should offer you a paying job as a comedy writer. (Unless it's already happened?)
-A.R.Yngve
http://yngve.bravehost.com
Posted by: A.R.Yngve | January 30, 2005 at 02:33 PM
it is no coincidence that the ink used to designate iraqi voters is the very same ink distributed to left wing publishers in the U.S. the bushies and their ilk expect to poison their political enemies using left wing newspapers. how diabolical!
Posted by: josil | January 30, 2005 at 03:38 PM
There needs to be serious and determined efforts at assessment and coordination to assess the impact of this widescale WMD attack and coordinate a complete and comprehensive coordination of footstamping and assessment.
Posted by: commander0 | January 30, 2005 at 06:06 PM
Another diabolical Karl Rove plan within a plan. Kerry was right, he's had six years to plot. Aaaarrrgh!!! It's seared... seared on their fingers!
Posted by: Richard | January 30, 2005 at 07:57 PM
Dyphex . . . Hey! That's listed as an ingredient in my hemorrhoid medication!
Posted by: profligatewaste | January 30, 2005 at 08:05 PM
For a minute there I thought I was reading the NY Times.
Posted by: Van Helsing | January 30, 2005 at 08:31 PM
Isn't that also the same ink that's used in tattoos? Guess we can expect the Bush administration will be blamed for all the prison riots when that news gets out. "Cruelty to Animals Bushs Fault" - Details at ten o'clock.
Posted by: Chevy Rose | January 30, 2005 at 10:21 PM
No election held in violation of EPA regulations can ever be considered to be legitimate. The only legitimate election will be one that uses biodegradable ink produced from indigenous, organicaly-grown plants.
Posted by: Ray | January 30, 2005 at 11:27 PM
Screaming Memes has an article claiming the whole election was a hoax:
"Democracy as Fingerpainting"
www.screamingmemes.blogspot.com
Posted by: pastorius | January 31, 2005 at 12:30 PM
There is also a very informative site about the faked Moon landings on the Flat Earth Society website. :)
-A.R.Yngve
http://yngve.bravehost.com
Posted by: A.R.Yngve | January 31, 2005 at 03:04 PM
100mils? lol. Its not like they're drinking the stuff.
Posted by: Thor Jr | January 31, 2005 at 03:24 PM
Ya, I also read that the proctologists in Iraq were banned from voting.
Posted by: Gazza | January 31, 2005 at 10:58 PM
You know, I am one of the biggest Iowahawk fans in the world, but some Iraqi in Basra or Najaf is going to be surfing the web and read this and think it's for real, and the next thing you know it'll be on Al-jazeera. Just saying.
Posted by: Yehudit | February 01, 2005 at 03:37 AM
"LEGAL DISCLAIMER:
The posts on this website are satirical, and should not be regarded as actual news. If you find it hard to distinguish between satire and reality, please seek psychiatric help."
There.
Posted by: A.R.Yngve | February 01, 2005 at 11:38 AM
I thought this information was only known to the state of California.
Posted by: David Andersen | February 01, 2005 at 03:01 PM
That is the stupid's article i've ever read. Do you think they're eating the stuff. Geeze, good thing elections aren't everyday. Dunb asses.
Posted by: | February 01, 2005 at 03:03 PM
I think David Anderson's comment was almost funnier than the article itself! Ha! Looks like somebody has to turn their sarcasm meter on.
Oh, not to disparage Iowahawk. No one is as funny as you. Really. No, no what are you doing? No ArrrrghghhhH!!!!!!!
Actually sometimes people think my site is real. Kinda makes you wonder how crazy the left really is, if no matter how extreme you make things up, they are even more extreme.
Posted by: Pluto's Dad | February 03, 2005 at 07:56 PM
...contained traces of a chemical, Dimoxycyclene K-phosphate 3, which has been associated with elevated lesions in laboratory animals.
The first time I read that I thought it said elevated Lesbians in laboratory animals... What a relief.
Posted by: Man of Substance | February 07, 2005 at 07:10 PM