FORGING AHEAD

RATHER: NEW PHOTO "PROVES KILLIAN MEMOS AUTHENTIC"

UPDATE: TRAPPER KEEPER LATEST BUSH SMOKING GUN

Describing it as "the final nail in Bush's AWOL lie," Kerry campaign spokesman Zack Exley today released a Mead Trapper Keeper binder which he said belonged to the President while a pilot in the Texas Air National Guard.

The binder, which Exley said was obtained from "a document expert who was in a position to know various parties close to the investigation," held several pages of 3-ring correspondence documents in which then-Lieutenant Bush confesses to missing a flight physical. In one document, Bush also asks Squadron commander Jerry Killian to "Check yes/no if you like me."

While details of the blockbuster revelations are scheduled to run on all evening newcasts and in tomorrow's Boston Globe, some right wing internet sites questioned their validity. Blogger Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs noted that the letter "i" in the documents was frequently dotted with a heart symbol, rather than Mr. Bush's characteristic smiley face. The Power Line site claimed that the binder's unicorn drawings were done in sparkle gel pens, which were not widely available in 1972.

Exley dismissed the skepticism, and said that "whether the documents are actually really real is really beside the point, and Mr. Bush needs to address the serious questions they raise. Why did he go AWOL? Who was it he was secretly admiring in 5th period? Why was Joey his favorite N'Sync heartthrob?"

UPDATE: FRENCH GOVT. FINDS BUSH AIR GUARD MEMOS IN CAVE

French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin announced today that a team of French government paleontologists have discovered a cache of Texas Air National Guard memos painted on the walls of a cave near the village of Lascaux.

"Despite his thirst for war in Iraq, it now appears that the American president was not only absent from his Vietnam duties, but also missed several bison hunts," said Villepin in an interview with Paris Match.

San Francisco herbal phrenologist and document expert Marcel Matley said that the new French memos were "consistent with many theories about Bush," and added that unlike the disputed Killian memos, skeptics would have a difficult time challenging their validity.

"Preliminary analysis indicates that the new French cave memos were dictated by blowing burnt umber and rabbit blood through hollow bones," said Matley. "This technology was widely available in 1972."

As of press time, it was unclear whether the French cave memos are related to a recent cache of Texas ANG memos found in a sarcophogus in Luxor, Egypt.

UPDATE: "BUSH DESERTED" DURING IMAGINARY 'NAM MISSION - HARKIN

Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA) today cast further doubt on George W. Bush's service record, saying that the President "deserted me during an imaginary aerial dogfight over Daquiri in 1973."

Harkin, a veteran of over 300 imaginary Vietnam-era air battles, said that he and Bush were "working a PsyOps ReCon sortie" over the Mojito Sea when they were intercepted by by "a wing of Pina Coladan rebels flying Russian Stolychnias."

"I remember it like yesterday," said Harkin. "We were right into the Danger Zone. Bush was my wingman, and I radioed him to engage the enemy. I kept calling -- 'Cheerleader One! Cheerleader One!' -- but he peeled off, leaving me to face certain imaginary death."

"I guess that's the way they do things in Texas," said Harkin, who defeated the Pina Colada fighters in a harrowing hand-to-hand imaginary air combat.

UPDATE: BUSH MEMOS OBVIOUSLY AUTHENTIC - RATHER

UPDATE: BUSH MEMOS OBVIOUSLY KARL ROVE FAKES - OLBERMANN

UPDATE: OKAY, MAYBE THEY'RE FAKE... YET, ODDLY TRUE - DALLAS NEWS

UPDATE: HEY, WHADDYA SAY WE JUST CALL THIS WHOLE BUSH MEMO BUSINESS A DRAW - DEMOCRATS

UPDATE: FUCK YOU, CHUMP, WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED - GOP

Comments

[Dave]

Alright, that photo is great...whenever I think of 1970's Air Force, I think of Larry Hagman in a uniform.

Perfect.

Cheers,
Dave
Garfield Ridge

[Rusty]

Welcome back from slumber Hawk. And on fire, too. Now, tell us something mean about that dickwad Tom Harkin.

[snellenr]

Excellent! Isn't it good to know that the collage skills we all learned in elementary school remain useful...

"Champagneplayboyuint.com" or "Champagneplayboyunit.com"? :-)