CRITICS PAN: "WORST COMEDY EVER"
KERRY REJECTS CALLS TO RESIGN FROM KERRY
Presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry vowed to continue his campaign today, despite calls to resign from presumptive Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry.
Kerry came under a withering attack from Kerry yesterday, when Kerry said that Kerry's 1971 admissions that "yes, I committed the same kind of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers," including the use of 50-caliber machine guns against people and burning of villages, rendered Kerry unfit for office.
"While in Vietnam Kerry acted in an arrogant, inappropriate way that frankly put America at jeopardy,” said Kerry.
In his first response to the charges, Kerry said that "I am sick of a bunch of people like John Kerry and John F. Kerry who went out of their way to avoid their chance to rape, cut off ears, cut off heads, and tape wires to genitals in Vietnam like thousands of my beloved 'Band of Brothers.'"
"I have a message for me, Mister Kerry: tell my goon squad to stop questioning my patriotism," Kerry told a crowd of reporters at an emergency medical center in Boston, while being extracted from a twisted bicycle frame.
DISNEY NIXES DISTRIBUTION OF CONTROVERSIAL LILEKS FILM
The Walt Disney Company and subsidiary Mirimax passed on an option to distribute the controversial new movie from badboy Minneapolis filmmaker James Lileks, prompting concern among First Amendment advocates. The 30 second film, "La Danse 04.08.03", features a demonically possessed child swirling and chanting in French.
"Apparently Mr. Chirac and his corporate cronies at Disney and the Lycee de Cinema would rather the people not see the curious links between the French language and childhood derangement," said Lileks.
"There's no mistaking that Mirimax's cowardice will have a chilling effect on free speech and democracy itself," said Nicole Levitt, an activist with the civil rights group Multi-Picture Deals Now!
Two words, Hawk:
Lindsay Lohan.
Posted by: RichInOC | May 10, 2004 at 02:15 AM
I suspect you're thinking about those poppets a lot.
Hell, who isn't.
Posted by: spongeworthy | May 07, 2004 at 01:46 PM
Rich - for some reason, it made me think of the new Olsen twins movie.
Posted by: iowahawk | May 07, 2004 at 10:44 AM
Hawk, for some reason, I read that bit about Kerry and thought of the scene from "Blazing Saddles" where Bart is holding himself hostage...
Posted by: RichInOC | May 07, 2004 at 03:40 AM