New Iraq Shocker: Prisoners Forced to Wear Beanies, Swallow Goldfish
Newly released photos detailing prison abuses
Baghdad - US CentCom braced for an international human rights backlash today, as it released another raft of photos detailing widespread inmate abuse and humiliation at the hands of US guards at the notorious Al Ghraib prison.
In the newly released photos, masked Iraqi prisoners are shown forming human pyramids, stuffing Volkswagens, eating live goldfish and pounding 'beer bongs,' all under the supervision of laughing US guards.
"The occupiers forced me go on a 'snipe hunt'," said a tearful Khalid al-Husseini, a former shredder operator under Saddam who was recently released from Al Ghraib after a three week incarceration. "Yet, I was not told for over three hours that there were no snipes to be found, as they were but a cruel invention of the occupiers!"
Another former prisoner, Hassan Atwah, said American prisoner abuses were widespread.
"Guards used interrogation methods including 'Bong 99', 'Quarters' and the fearsome 'Jello shots,'" said the ex-Fedayeen commander. "later we we blindfolded and forced to feel Tupperware bowls filled with eyeballs and worms."
Humilation was a common technique of guards, according to Abdul Abdullah. "Occupiers are make me to wear a beanie-hat and go on burqqa raid of woman prison," he said, visibly shaken.
Abdullah, who spend over eight years in a Saddam torture cell, said his treatment under American captors was "much worse."
"I am made to be like lowly woman, begging for woman clothing from lowly woman," he explained. "For Iraq man, to be made to be as a woman is beneath even the animal, the insect. I would rather be shot in the head than be treated like stupid Iraq woman."
CentCom investigators say the abuse probe will expand to cover rumors of short-sheeting, shoe polish on prison toilet seats, and routine sleep tortures involving shaving cream and warm glasses of water.
The recent revelations brought a harsh outcry from the international press. Under a giant banner reading "SHAME," the Mirror newspaper of London ran a late edition featuring full-page photos of hooded Iraqi prisoners lighting flatulence and helplessly flailing at pinatas. The broadsheet Independent ran a related story implicating British troops in widespread prisoner-pantsing, charges that were denied by the Defence Ministry.
Promised disciplinary action by US Military officials also did little to placate human rights organizations, including Human Rights Watch, which immediately called for international sanctions against the US, including "double secret probation."
The widening scandal has also attracted the attention of the United Nations. Secretary General Kofi Annan said he would refer the matter to the UN Human Rights Commission.
"Hopefully, we can schedule full hearings after the seating of its new Sudanese member," said Annan.
US Senator Joseph Biden of the Senate Armed Service Committee also called for Congressional oversight, saying that "this scandal reaches all the way to the top."
"It may be mere coincidence," said Biden, "but these tortures are eerily similar to the Skull and Bones initiation."
Outstanding satire - I posted this one our Zen Political Board -- thanks!!
Posted by: Mav | May 04, 2004 at 09:09 PM
Saddam Hussein released a statement saying "They can't do that to my soldiers...Only I can do that to my soldiers."
Seriously...they call that hazing? They didn't get 'em drunk? They didn't make 'em do the "elephant walk"? They didn't force 'em to kiss a pig? That's not hazing. Wussies.
Posted by: RichInOC | May 05, 2004 at 02:33 AM
...oops...read first, post second...
Posted by: RichInOC | May 05, 2004 at 02:35 AM
When prisoners complained, they were treated to a short video of George Bush declaring, "You fucked up...you trusted us!"
I laughed until I cried...Bravo!!
Posted by: Jeffersonian | May 05, 2004 at 02:05 PM
I was laughing pretty hard when I read about that guy saying that to be treated as badly as they treat their own women was a fate worse than death. Why would the press use that as an exposition of how bad conditions were?
Are we supposed to respect even the most odious aspects of their culture, like their absolute denigration of women?
I swear, if Hitler were hosting the Olympics today, we'd tell Jesse Owens he can't compete because we don't want to offend the Nazis!
Posted by: lauraw | May 05, 2004 at 03:42 PM
I think we should hold ourselves to a high standard. But once you have bombed people,
etc. humiliation and torture seems less...
The problem is we have no idea if innocent people were tortured. No due process. Its law of the jungle.
I am not proud.
Posted by: johnx | May 05, 2004 at 06:31 PM
Are we supposed to respect even the most odious aspects of their culture, like their absolute denigration of women?
lauraw | May 5, 2004 03:42 PM
That is exactly what they say about us when we parade around Brittany Spears our all American dry humping wonder singer answer to feminism.
Posted by: johnx | May 05, 2004 at 06:47 PM
That is exactly what they say about us when we parade around Brittany Spears our all American dry humping wonder singer answer to feminism.
The big difference: "We" don't parade Britney around, she does it all by herself and of her own volition. If someone was behind her with a thumb-girthed rod of hickory forcing her to bump and grind, I'd be with you.
Posted by: Jeffersonian | May 05, 2004 at 08:47 PM
Are we supposed to respect even the most odious aspects of their culture, like their absolute denigration of women?
lauraw | May 5, 2004 03:42 PM
That is exactly what they say about us when we parade around Brittany Spears our all American dry humping wonder singer answer to feminism.
- johnx
And your point is?
Just because they would say something that stupid we're not allowed to have intelligent opinions only sound related?
Posted by: Joshua Scholar | May 05, 2004 at 09:58 PM
I volunteer to do the job on Britney with the thumb-girthed rod.
...well, it's not hickory, but I'm pretty sure it's at least thumb-girthed...
Posted by: RichInOC | May 06, 2004 at 02:17 AM
To equate the ause of prisoners to frat hazing shows your total misunderrstanding of the significance of these images. It is game over in Iraq.
Seymour Hersh:
=======
This kind of stuff was much more widespread. I can tell you just from the phone calls I've had in the last 24 hours, even more, there are other photos out there. There are many more photos even inside that unit. There are videotapes of stuff that you wouldn't want to mention on national television that was done. There was a lot of problems.
There was a special women's section. There were young boys in there. There were things done to young boys that were videotaped. It's much worse.
===========
God Bless America.
Posted by: bongoman | May 06, 2004 at 04:15 PM
Great satire! Are you in competition with the Onion? Anyway, regarding your explanation above - none is necessary in my book. If people can't figure out this site is about humor then they should take a long walk on a short pier.
Posted by: Tommy Shanks | May 07, 2004 at 03:35 AM
I hate to see people treated that way, but after the blatant sexist comment I think it may do all Iraqi men, if that is what you want to call them, well to parade naked in front of the "lowly" women so at least the women can judge for themselves just how much of a man they are getting (ha-ha). I really believe that Arab men need a good dose of feminism. It is really hard to imagine that their religion teaches that women are lowly. It makes me ill to know that so many women are stuck in countries where they are viewed as worthless. After reading that prisoners comments I have little sympthay for anything that they go through in prison.
Posted by: Missy | May 10, 2004 at 11:27 AM