News Briefs

SPAIN ELECTS MR. BEAN
"Great day for Euro-Style Humor" says Chirac

CNN: WAR PROTESTERS MARCH ON D.C., SWAMP QUIZNOS

More than 60 people gathered Monday in Washington for a march to the White House, calling for an end to U.S. military action in Iraq. The massive demonstration later caused a huge tie-up at a Connecticut Avenue Quiznos Subs restaurant after protesters gathered there for post-march sandwiches.

"This sucks," said Quiznos employee Tony Hilbert. "[Assistant manager Leisha Williams] only scheduled three of us for the late afternoon shift."

KERRY: STOP ATTACKING PATRIOTISM OF MY FOREIGN ENDORSERS

Presumptive Democratic presidential candidate John F. Kerry today accused Bush Administration officials of "questioning the patriotism of the hundreds of secret foreign leaders who have endorsed my campaign against the most evil, crookedest people ever."

STUDY: FAT, ACNE REDUCES TEEN PREGNANCY

A new study by researchers at Johns Hopkins medical school has found that rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases were significantly lower among obese teens with chronic facial and back acne.

"The results were somewhat surprising," said Lead Researcher Dr. Linda Newhall. "Our results indicate that while there was no statistical difference between teens who receive abstinance-only and comprehensive sex education, the lardass zit-afflicted test group was much more successful in avoiding sexually related pathologies."

While Newhall cautioned that the results were preliminary, she said that parents of at-risk teens "may want monitor their childrens' diets, to insure they are getting enough chocolate and fried foods."

Co-investigator Dr. George Hirohata said that the Hopkins team was currently investigating other possible teen pregnancy reduction factors, including "highwater Wal-Mart jeans, Dungeons and Dragons, and bus passes."

Comments

[Rusty Shackleford]

How does any of this affect gay marriage?

[H-Town]

"A new study by researchers at Johns Hopkins medical school has found that rates of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases were significantly lower among obese teens with chronic facial and back acne. "

Acne tends to kill the mood I guess. But then again, acne scarred teens need loving too.

[RichInOC]

Hawk, I keep looking at that picture...and I've seen others where Zapatero does look like Rowan Atkinson...but in that particular shot, he looks more like the golfer/sports commentator David Feherty. Perhaps he'll entitle his memoirs "Somewhere In Spain, A Village Is Missing Its Idiot".

[Sergio]

Well, I have a morphing that really likes Mr. Bean to Zapatero, our president.

look here:

http://www.geocities.com/seralal/zapabean.gif