Black Rock in "Udder Shock" over Jacko Halftime Hooter Hijinx

New York - CBS executives issued a tersely-worded apology today for yesterday's Super Bowl halftime show in which superstar Janet Jackson briefly exposed her right breast to a worldwide audience.

Tiffany network spokesman Peter Bergman laid blame for the incident on Viacom sister network MTV, saying that the "this shocking event left us exposed as boobs," and that the incident overshadowed our longstanding mission to broadcast quality programming such as Richard Hatch's pee-pee."

"In the future, we will keep abreast of the situation and jiggle our coverage to nip these incidents in the bud," said Bergman, choking back an apparent titter.

MTV spokeswoman Larissa O'Brien said that the youth-oriented video network was "as shocked as everyone else" by the contretemps.

"We were caught with our pants down by this shockingly shocking unscripted controversy," said O'Brien. "We were caught like a deer in the high beams."

O'Brien added that MTV and sister networks VH-1, MTV-2, Spike, Nickelodeon, UPN, and BET would would devote 60 hours of emergency controversy coverage this week "to examine the impact of the shocking naked shock on society, and sales of Janet's shocking new album release 'Shock' coming to an Infinity radio network station near you."

UPDATE: Producers of Sunday's cable TV pay-per-view Lingerie Bowl today issued an apology for the program's "gratuitous non-nudity." Event organizers Least Common Denominator fielded thousands of angry complaints from viewers after participant clothing failed to fall off, a glitch company spokesman Jeffrey Holland attributed to "wardrobe malfunction."

The event was also marred by a clothed man before the second-half kick off, and an ill-fated halftime pageant featuring 'Up With People' and Marie Osmond.

"This is likely the last time we will let Pat Robertson produce the halftime show," said Holland.