Gore Files Suit In Lotto Dispute

Cleveland OH - A lawsuit over ownership of the winning ticket in the Dec. 30 Mega Millions lottery was thrown into further uncertainty today, as former US Vice President Al Gore filed a civil suit seeking a share of the $162 million jackpot.

Filed this afternoon in Federal District Court, the suit names official winner Rebecca Jemison, litigant Elicia Battle, Lotto Ticket Systems, Inc., the State of Ohio, Ohio State mascot Brutus the Buckeye, store clerk Dipankhar Ghosh and Antonin Scalia as co-defendants. It seeks $81 million in economic damages, a "late model Dodge Stratus," unspecified pain and suffering awards, and presidency of Iraq.

"Irrespective of what the so-called ping pong balls say, the real winner was robbed," said Gore spokesman Chris Lehane.

While Gore's ticket matched on three of the winning numbers, entitling him to a $10 cash prize an a complementary 32 ounce Big Gulp, Lehane said Gore was entitled to a share of the jackpot because of "confusing ballot instructions and long lines at the register."

"Due to the ballot design Mr. Gore transposed '23' as '32'," he explained. "Plus, a honking car at pump six made him lose track of Tipper's birthdate and the number of times Al Jr. has been busted."

"The will of the people has been thwarted," said Lehane. "I can't even begin to tell you how many times he told me, and I quote, 'I am going to pick the winning ticket.'"

Comments

[Rand Simberg]

My God, have you now shame. I'm the only one who can skewer Gore like that.

[Rand Simberg]

Oh, no HTML, eh?

Well here's the URL:

http://www.interglobal.org/weblog/archives/001856.html

[iowahawk]

Nuh uh, Captain Planet. I was bashing Woody before you were knee-high to the crab nebula. See today's Satire Sale.

[iowahawk]

PS - that was some damn good satire you wrote, sir. Thanks for the link.