Notebooms "Ball of the Night"

All this talk about balls everyday on this site is bringing back some post-traumatic stress.  Along those lines, i had a nightmare last night that i blame on Bolus-- thus my own "Ball of the Night:"

You see, im a retired boxer and kickboxer (last fight in 2003.)  About 5 years ago i was enjoying a fairly easy day in the gym, sparring a newbie in Muay Thai.  Being that this guy was a harmless FNG, i didnt even bother with groin protection... See where this lesson is going?

LESSON ALL US GUYS HAVE LEARNED:  When you get kicked in the balls, you fall to the ground in the whole "uhhhhhhhh" pain, while you grab your testes in pain and cough to clear your throat of them.  Then you get up, limb around, catch your breath and your buddies makes jokes about it and everyone laughs.

MY "ADVANCED" LESSON  LEARNED:  Well, in a real testicular torsion injury (like i experienced,) you get up and continue on with your day just like the normal lesson learned above-- with one little exception...  The initial pain of "i just got kicked in the balls" goes away for a bit, but the testicle actually keeps slowly swelling...

I continued my sparring and went home.  On the drive home, i noticed a different pain down there was coming back-- a worse pain.  you see, my "Ball of the Day" was getting bigger.... and bigger... and bigger... and while it was getting bigger, the swelling was squeezing what was inside, oh joy.

By the time i made it to the emergency room, my huevo was the size of a mango (no joke,) and the pain was the size of Jupiter.  I'll never forget laying in the stirrups in the E.R., having what seemed to be every employee in the hospital coming in to inspect my injury for their own amazement. Never before had my impressive man assets shocked so many ladies dressed in nurses outfits like they did that day.

I busted a nut that day for real.  Bolus is obviously not letting me forget it either, with it's daily reminders.

-scott noteboom

Comments

[COOP]

I fear testicular torsion more than nuclear war, global warming and Cirque de Soleil COMBINED.

[notebooms]

One thing i regret-- when i was in the E.R. my wife came in and wanted to take a picture. I flipped out that the time, told her something about "this shit's not funny" and denied her. Now that i think about it after the fact-- jeez, i gave my right nut and dont even have a picture of the terror to show-- it was impressive and horrifying at the same time....

I blame the terrorists for this.

[iowahawk]

Holy sweet mother of Captain Crunch. And I thought my vasectomy was rough.

I will be bent over in vicarious pain for the rest of the week.